Well... I had a realization this weekend. It was very hot, and I had to, alone, get my son ready for this tournament. (they won it btw). And... yeah that's nothing new I guess... he's done many tournaments. But... it was just so exhausting, physically and mentally. Its not something that just one adult can/should have to do by themself. I guess the point is... that as soccer ramps up year to year... and baseball too perhaps... it will be too difficult for me to do both with a lot of rigor or whatnot. So... just practically speaking... if she's not gonna support soccer, then I'll have to focus solely on soccer and let her handle baseball. When I'm working with him, its going to be soccer, not baseball, because he needs to keep up with his peers in soccer. And if I'm doing a lot of baseball with him then he'll fall behind in soccer. In soccer this year... we will have to travel more. Not super far... but a handful of trips of about 2 hours each way. And each successive year I'm sure the travel will increase. In a few years he'll be going out of state for tournaments. --------------- btw... been thinking about lactic acid. You could bascially put all sports on a spectrum of how much they have to deal with lactic acid. At the top you would have running/track. At the bottom you would have golf. Or archery (if you consider that a sport). I think probably you work with endurance athletes, so your mindset if that lactic acid is a big thing. But that skews your perception, since you aren't considering the entire world of sports. Each sport is different in what is needed to excel. For many, it is more dependent on things like skill acquisition. Golf is a good example since it clearly is not influenced at all by lactic acid. Higher up on the spectrum would be baseball, since it does require some running. Higher up from that is soccer since it requires more running... but still very high on mechanics and skill acquisition, as well as a lot of non-physical things like IQ/vision/tactical knowledge.
She is pushing baseball because she likes baseball. Narcissist push the things THEY like. Don't you know any narcissists? They want you to do what THEY want to do. They don't seek to do the things that YOU want to do. My son is allowed to quit soccer. He likes it so he doesn't quit. Your last sentence is mostly correct.
True. There are counselors for people in my situation. And probably it would be a good idea to see them on a regular basis.
@NewDadaCoach, some random thoughts based on your past couple of posts... 1) Yes, it's a lot of work to get kids to practices and games. Adding in a second sport in the same season just makes that even more difficult, which I believe we've tried to warn you about. And yes, it's that much harder when you're a single parent (or have a parent who's traveling, or have multiple kids). 2) Your kid can only be at a single event at a time. It really doesn't make a difference whether it's soccer or baseball, you would still be sitting at a park, out in the heat, and not able to clean the house, wash clothes, or all of that other stuff. 3) If he stays with soccer, his baseball skills will "slip". If he stays with baseball, his soccer skills will "slip". This is why many families decide to "specialize" early. And there's nothing wrong with that, you (general) just need to know that by specializing, you're (again, general) missing out on other possible activities. 4) IMO, what needs to happen is you, your son, and his mom get together for a discussion. The way I see it, you have four practical options... A) Stay with soccer and drop baseball B) Stay with baseball and drop soccer C) Attempt to do them both (meaning missing some of both) D) Drop baseball AND soccer and try something else. You and/or your Ex can rule out C. But your SON should be allowed to decide between A & B & D. Now, ANYTHING you tell him about soccer (chance to go D1/Pro if he "sticks with it" and puts in the work) ALSO applies to baseball if you're honest.
I think for now he will do C. I think at his age kids should be able to play multiple sports. For the next 2 years he can do this. I think maybe a good time for him to pick one sport will be when he is facing tryouts for U13 soccer. This seems to be when the seriousness takes a big step up in soccer. That is when they go from 9v9 to 11v11.
Wait, if this situation is SO bad, why are you willing to put up with it for two years? It sure sounded like you were ready to throw in the towel.
I want to propose this and hopefully will help you in the long run. Ask your ex wife to take him to soccer practices and games and in exchange you will take him to all baseball related activities. Do this for 3 months. Make up some excuses about your work schedule conflict. This will expose your ex to the soccer side of things. And hopefully she will see how much your son enjoys soccer and stops being a blocker.
Could backfire. If the ex refuses or comes up with excuses of her own, the kid doesn't get to ANY practice
It's not only up to me. The kid and the mom have a say in it too. What I was saying is that I just won't support the baseball... I will re-focus all my energies into soccer and making sure he is developing well.
That might work on a normal person. But she isn't normal. (ok... many of us aren't)... but for example... despite living in fairly densely packed and well-to-do neighborhood, she doesn't interact with any of her neighbors. She has no friends (the few she's had end up distancing themselves from her... hmmm). She doesn't socialize at all with anyone. She is basically a recluse or a hermit. She makes really good money, far far more than me, yet the other day she wanted me (her ex) to pay for her dinner (no it wasn't a special occasion). She's basically going to end up a wealthy, isolated cat lady.
I want to text her now... but she's on vacation and.... I know she'll accuse me of ruining her vacation or something.
I don't think the bolded is the right answer, or fair to your kid. Tell him/them, you will support a SINGLE sport. If he wants you to take him to baseball, then it's baseball. If he wants you to take him to soccer, then it's soccer. I still don't understand what the difference is between one or two, even for a single parent. He's not going to do both at the same time. What's the difference between "supporting" baseball vs "supporting" soccer, aside from you liking soccer more?
The thing is... Baseball gets 2 parents supporting. Soccer gets 1 parent supporting. Does that seem sustainable or fair to the kid and the 1 parent? From the parent's view it's this: Mom = 100% baseball Dad = 50% baseball, 50% soccer Hence, Baseball gets 150% of parents Soccer gets 50% of parents The only way to balance it out is, Baseball gets 100% of one parent Soccer gets 100% of one parent
Is she taking home to the batting cages? Hitting him fungos after work? Is she spending money on a private pitching coach? Does she buy the equipment like gloves? What do you mean she supports baseball?
So you're trying to make it "fair" for each SPORT? I mean, you do you, but that seems a strange way to look at it. Are you not going to go to any games? What kind of message does that send to the kid? I understand saying "I can't get to 'x' activities on Tuesdays and Thursdays", or "can't be anywhere until after 6p" but I really don't see the difference between taking him to soccer practice/games vs baseball practice/games.
She does take him to cages sometimes. I do too. Not sure if she hits him fungos. I think she sometimes does some catch or hitting with him. I hit him a lot of fungos. Or at least I used to. Private coach - I think just once or twice. Yes she bought most of the equipment. I also have some training gear, like pitching target. I have developed in baseball far more than she has, because I'm pretty decent at it and am good at teaching it. I've developed him in soccer alot too. But she doesn't work with him on soccer at all. And she hardly goes to any games. I guess by support, I mean, getting them ready for games, going to games, being involved. Working on skills with him.
idk, I'll probably go to some games, just not all of them. Probably the biggest change is, I'll spend my time working on soccer skills with him, not baseball skills. What do you think of this
It's not up to me to decide what another person "should" do in this situation. As far as ME, and what I would expect from my wife, if the kids are participating in something, and we're available, we'd go. That being said, when our oldest was a manager for the HS track & XC teams, we never went to a single event. That still bothers me. I do think saying "if she won't support soccer, I'm not supporting baseball" is childish. You're not supporting the sport, you're supporting your son. And you don't get to control what other people do with their time.
This thread goes way beyond soccer - I'm no marrage (or divorce) counselor, so I have no opinion on the matter.
Are you sure you're not the problem in the situation and not her. You claim she's a narcissist but you want to be pretty and do the if she doesnt do x then I'm not doing y thing. It seems to be your ego that gets stroked by goals scored. You've gone from saying your kid will probably have the opportunity to play professional soccer or baseball because you believe in supporting your kid to reach their full potential to not supporting baseball. People told you 2 sports at a D1 school is unlikely, requiring an inordinate amount of work, and you accused them of crushing dreams. It turns out you don't even have the work ethic to try and make it happen. You probably owe Sam and cornfield or whoever it was you accused of crushing dreams an apology. You are quitting on 2 sport dreams cause it's so difficult to get a kid ready for practice or whatever. It's difficult just like they said. And it wasn't even for the sports part. People on here have given you reasonable responses on many threads and they are wrong. It's other people who are wrong in their slow your roll enjoy the journey responses because how is your kid going to be an international elite player if you don't do x y and z. Your ex is wrong because she doesn't do x y or z. You're not wrong cause you're just asking questions. The thing is I actually think you have some reasonable ideas and I think you could really help your son but I'm not sure you can execute them.
There are only so many hours in the day. You say I should spend half my freetime on his baseball and half on soccer, while the mom spends 100% on baseball and 0% on soccer? Then the kid will be getting 150% on baseball and only 50% on soccer. Does that sound good to you for the kid's sake? (when he actually likes soccer more) I'm still figuring it out. I'll prob go to his games. But I can't be training in him baseball and ignore soccer. That is a disservice to him. He deserves and needs soccer training. Esp now, since it went to 9v9. Now I will work on his running. To be clear - he is still good at both baseball and soccer. The fall will be busy. Comp soccer, and comp baseball. I think he'll get enough baseball from his club. I need to focus on soccer. Soccer is a sport that requires more time than baseball to get to the top. You know the 10k hour rule - yeah for soccer it's probalby 12,000 hours, and for baseball its probably 9,000 hours... something like that. Anywho... not sure why you say I am the problem. My philosophy is clear, support the kid in what he likes. The mom's philosophy is get the kid doing what SHE likes. Do you not see the difference? Its very stark and a very important distinction. Parent-centric VS Kid-centric You can chose to side on the parent-centric side, but I feel that is an ego-driven, narcissistic approach, unless the parents are poor then it might be necessary just do to time constraints. I think things are in an ok spot. Just need to keep working on things. And keep progressing. Even my kid wants his mom to go to games. You think its cool that she doesn't? wow
First, have the kid tell his mom he wants her at the games. If she still doesn't go, that's between him and her. You get no say in it, and shouldn't down talk his mom to the kid. Second, this 150% vs 50% comparison is asinine. You're proposing doing the EXACT THING you're criticizing HER for doing (only "supporting" a single sport). As you say, there's only so many hours in the day. Are you seeing your son every day? It's not going to hurt ANYTHING (and would probably be beneficial) if you spent one day on soccer and the next on baseball. Then you get him using different muscles/brain power. Did you ever think maybe having the ex work with him on baseball AND you work with him on baseball would increase his chances of D1 college/pro (because we know how important that is to you)? There's going to be soccer practices/games and baseball practices/games. That's in addition to school. And now you say you're going to have him practice distance running and footskills?
Yes exactly, see there's not much time. So I can't do baseball with him. I need to do running and footskills. I'll take him to the track and he can do 1/2 mile or mile. No not seeing him every day. It varies week to week. D1 is just a thought, its out of my control. I'm just learning about it at this stage. Thanks Sam