My five year old daughter is at the stage where she is always asking 'why' questions. Last week I was driving with her and stopped for gasoline. She wanted to get out of the car and help me put gas. So, as she watched me select the super unleaded gasoline, she asked me why I put the 'green' gas and not the 'red' gas. I explained to her that the 'red' (regular) gas was cheaper, but the 'green' gas was better for our car. I told her that I put the green gas because it made the car run better, and I didn't want it to break down. As I continued putting gas, she took a peak at the woman who was filling her tank across from me, and then asked me in a loud voice, for everybody to hear. 'Daddy, that lady is using the cheap gas. Is her car going to break down?'
We went to a Chinese restaurant in an Asian shopping center. My son, who was about 3, looked around the restaurant and shouted, "This placed is filled with black people!" The same son, when he was about 10 insulted our friend who considered herself a gourmet cook. My husband is pretty finicky and always complained about her food, calling it exotic, strange, etc. So, one night we go there for dinner and my son states, "I'm not eating anything exotic." My friend turned on my husband and gave him tongue lashing.
our little guy hasn't done too much embarassing in public yet ... i guess the best one would be that he's figured out how to pull down his pants. the other day in front of the bank, he stopped, dropped his pants and started shuffling after me. that was pretty funny. when I was a kid my dad took me to see the local D-II college football team play. About the third quarter, I'm told, I stood up, looked around and loudly proclaimed 'there sure are a lot of drunk people here.' My dad says everybody in the section hoisted there beer to me and said something like 'damn right, kid' he likes to tell that story.
My son, in true soccer style, loves to take a dive every now and then. It's especially "fun" when there are other people present. We'll like barely touch him and say, "Go <insert task he doesn't want to do> NOW!" and he'll start screaming. Then he runs across the room at top speed, runs into the furniture, falls down and starts crying, "Mommy, how could you DO such a thing? You're my FRIEND! You pushed me!" It's hard to get people to believe that I barely touched him after a performance like that. He'll be a freakin' awesome soccer play someday if he keeps that up... ;-) edit: he even looks the part today. He's wearing this little 4T size Italy jersey that is so cute...
The brother of friend of mine had his 18(?) month old in a stroller at the supermarket. He noticed a very hot babe who smiled ever so nicely at him very probably because he had a kid in tow. Nothing more. 5 minutes later he happened upon her in another part of the supermarket; she needed something from the lower shelf and he from the top. As he was reaching up he looked down, saw she was wearing a thong (jeans' slippage) and smiled to himself, knowing that in his single days things just might have been a little different. Cue all sorts of shock, horror, embarrassment (and a tiny bit of pride) when his first born, his eldest, his 18 month old, reached, very deftly, grabbed the T-bar of the thong and give this hot babe the perfect wedgie knocking/pulling her on the floor with much surprise and a little pain. Ooooooh.....where to look, what to say............
Now that's precocious. Firstborn (age 3) and I are driving a 30 foot U haul full of our belongings east to west on the Ohio turnpike. Roundabout Cleveland, he puts his hand to his forehead and, in a perfect imitation of my wife/his mom says "I can't handle this." So I pull over at the next rest stop to get him some ice cream. We're sitting there and the place looks like an Overeaters Anonymous convention: I mean everywhere you look there's major meat on the hoof. So the kid pipes up: "WHOOOAA! Daddy why's everybody so FAT here?" I'm sure the trucker that looks like Haystack Calhoun has heard and I'm about to be pummeled into floor slime, but nobody's noticed, so I explain to him that he might hurt somebody's feelings saying stuff like that out loud. So we get our ice cream and we're sitting there eating it and I look at Haystack Calhoun and now (WTF?) he's glaring at me and my kid. I look at my kid and he's pointing at Haystack, looking at me, and silently but very clearly mouthing the word "fat".
When drinking wine at home, I sometimes allow my three year old to put his finger in my wine so he can get a small taste (hey, it's an Italian thing -- my parents werre giving we glasses of Dago Red when I was 5, ok?) We were in a wine store one day and a champagne house was giving out free samplkes when you walked in. He kept trying to put his finger and I said no. So he then shouts out really loud "DADDY!! I WANT WINE!!!!"
You know, my oldest daughter is getting to a point where she would happily participate in a thread called "Funny/embarrasing things that my dad does."
'he, like, talks to my friends and stuff. and when we, you know, go the mall he walks near me where my friends might see him. he's a total dork.' am I close?
standing around the penguin exhibit at the Roger Williams zoo in RI with a bunch of other folks, my then 3 year old yells "daddy what are those?". Before I could answer, her sister who was 4 yelled "those are water chickens dummy!" Everyone who heard it died laughing....I asked her were she got that from. "well they don't fly and they swim so they must be water chickens!" Can't argue with that
yes kids are oh so lovely.... i remember when i was a baby, about 9 months old, i used to jump up and catch low flying ducks.... ahhh, those were the days
Nothing too bad yet. The only thing I can really remember as being funny was that when he was really little, we took him to a party and he kept going after the friend of mine who is a D-cup. Other women would be holding him, but if she was around, he was determined to get to her and more specifically to them. It was pretty obvious too. If he's anything like I was told I was, I'm in for some insanely embarrassing times.
I have one for this thread. We have a rule that most people have - no burping at the dinner table! But there is an exception to the rule: if we're having pizza and root beer for dinner, then it's fair game to belch at will. One evening I had a last minute addition to the dinner table, a state of Idaho international trade representative who used to be a student of mine. It was root beer and pizza night. I never bothered to issue an "exception order" to the standing okay-to-belch rule for when nice female visitors were around. So, sure enough, about two bites and a pair of gulps into the meal, both daughters (then ages 5 and 9) let loose at about the same time - BRAAAAAP! - with some real doozies. I was certainly embarrased, but after all, it is a family rule. So I did what seemed appropriate: explained the rule to the visitor, and we went on as we normally do on pizza and root beer night. BRAAAAPs all the way around.
My 6 year old daughter was at a friends house recently. When she came back and we were having dinner I asked if she had a good time. Yes, she said, and Katie (the friend) has this toy that makes noise when you sit on it. Now, knowing what it was I asked her what it was called. She called it a whooshie cooshie! Not embarrasing, of course, but I laughed for a good 6 or 7 minutes at that. Another time my daughter, probably about 4 at the time, used our downstairs bathroom, and when she flushed it got backed up and subsequently overflowed. I hear her calling for me and when I get there she looks so upset and says simply "It pee-peed all by itself".
My six year old daughter told me last night that she doesn't want to go to school. 'I'm scared, Daddy' 'Why?' 'Because we're going to go into outer space' 'Who said that'? 'The teacher told us. Daddy, I am too little to go into outer space, I'm afraid I'm going to get lost' So, I checked with the teacher this morning. It turns out that they are planning a field trip to a planetarium, and she'd shown the kids some pictures of the stars.
My mother had come into town and we were baby-sitting my four year old nephew. We had put him to bed and were sitting downstairs chatting when we hear him coming down the steps. His underwear had somehow made its way outside of his pjs, heaven only knows how, and he looked like the grandmother in Splash. My mom walks up to him, with her hand over her mouth to hide her grin. However, we could not contain ourselves when he exclaimed, "Aunt Sue, I feel all.....asymmetrical."
Great thread. My twin two-year-olds have a hard time pronouncing things properly. So when you ask Eli what Thomas' name is, it goes like this: "Hey Elijah, who's that?" "Dummass!" ~~or~~ "Hey Thomas, what's your name?" "Dummass!" It's evolved a little now so Elijah sometimes shortens it to just "Tom" but now it comes out as "Dam" instead of "Tom." Kids are so fun.
The pronunciation issues with two-year-olds is fun. My daughter has difficulties with the 'tr' sound . . . it usually comes out as 'f' . . . It has made for some entertaining moments: "(F)uck! Look, a big (f)uck!" Not necessarily what you want your daughter yelling at a restaurant!
My son has just started to call them by name. "Boobies!" He hasn't done it to my wife in public yet, although last night at the park he started heading towards the girls club soccer team that was practicing there, and he may have been saying "boobies" but I couldn't tell for sure.