Pre-match: Fire v. (rubber) D_C_ United 3.14.26 7:30 pm (CDT) Soldier Field and Apple TV

After last week's scintillating match in the city named after the assaulter of an entire hemisphere, the Fire return to the somewhat friendly confines of Soldier Field to take on another team that is a mere shadow of its former glory, DC United.

All time, the Fire have played DC United 73 times (third most next to 80 against the aforementioned Columbus and 75 against New England) with a record of 24 wins, 22 draws and 27 losses against the team from the Nation's Capital.

Historically, the Fire have been fairly decent at home against DC United, with 13 wins, 15 draws and only 8 losses, and have never lost a playoff match against them. Of course, neither team has exactly made the playoffs with any regularity in past decade plus, so those stats are probably a bit old.

DC United are a dismal 23rd in the latest MLS Power Rankings (Fire are 10th), so this might make things looks like an easy match. I do not think it will be.

Everyone remembers last summer's 7-1 demolition of DC United, where a certain back up striker (in name only, except for that match), picked up a hattrick. Yes, DC United sucked so bad, "mighty" Tom Barlow scored three goals against them. Fun times.

Overall, Gregg Berhalter has a good record as a coach against DC. 7 wins, 4 draws and only 3 losses.

The Fire on the season have not been credited with an assist. I wonder if the Fire have even gone three matches without an assist. I suppose there may have been a time when they lost three in a row and sucked in all three, but the season the Fire are 1-1-1.

A plus is that the Fire have "competent" Jonathan Dean back from his suspension for picking up the silly red card against Montreal. With Gutman still not at 100%, a journeyman defender in Dean playing a bit out of position is better than nothing.

A standout in the young season has been young Chris Brady, who has only conceded 2 goals in three matches. Both of those in the first match against Houston, with one being when he simply coughed up the ball and virtually gifted Houston the win. Overall, though, two goals conceded in three matches is pretty good for a team that leaked goals last year. He has been pretty active, making 8 saves over those three matches, with 2 saves each in the first two matches and 4 against Columbus.

In the opposite net will be former Chicago Fire goalkeeper Sean "milkman" (remember when the Fire actually had promotional tie-ins?) Johnson. When the Fire unceremoniously dumped Sean Johnson after the 2016 season, I said it was one of the worst personnel decisions the Fire have ever made. 9 seasons on, and it remains so.

Johnson has gone to play in 258 matches with NYCFC, Toronto and now DC and 8 USMNT caps. He has played at least 23 matches every season (even in the COVID-shortened 2020 season) since leaving the Fire, and only had two seasons with fewer than 30 appearances.

In that same time, the Fire have had no less than 9 "starting goalkeepers," with Brady, SLONINA, Shuttleworth, Kronholm, Ousted, Richard "dirty" Sanchez, Matt Lampson, and Bava starting at least 1/3 of a season's worth of matches, plus Cleveland and a host of other names I do not care to recall.

Keep Johnson instead of Lampson in 2017 and the Fire had a good shot of winning MLS Cup, although Lampson was not terrible in 2017..and was gone after the season.
2017 was Lampson's only season in his entire career that he was considered a "starting" goalkeeper, but Bava started as the No. 1 going into 2017 (who was hurt and never heard from again after 8 matches) and Sanchez started a couple of matches.
2018 was a goalkeeping comedy of errors as the athletic but inept Sanchez started 24 matches, giving up 47 goals, plus 5 in the US Open Cup. He was an embarrassment and I am convinced that he only got the job since he looked a bit like a young Paunovic.

The Fire are still banged up and a few players have been pretty ineffective, yet, merrily, they roll along.

In attack, we have Cuypers, Bamba, and our very own Zinckernagel, but they have not gelled like they did last season. New signings Salétros and Lod have yet to make an impact.

New Chicago Fire beloved and Internet "darling" (and absolutely Scrabble winning name*) Mbekezeli Mfanufikile Mbokazi, hailing from Hluhluwe KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa, once again anchors the defense with the now recovered Jack Elliot.

Up top, Cuypers seems to be a bit banged up still, but hopefully he starts and plays.
Starting "striker" for the past match, Chris Mueller, did not, umm, do very well. 55 minutes played, no goals, no assists, no shots on target, no shots at all. That is not really going to cut it.
"But those are 'mighty' Tom Barlow numbers!" some may say. "He will easily get a hattrick against DC United!"
We can hope. We can hope!

Speaking of hope. Hopefully, we manage an actual sighting of Viktor Radojević, as well. Signed from TSC in Serbia at the end of August, he has yet to make his debut due to injury. Maybe we can see what he has to offer sooner rather than later.

It looks like the fan's have turned on Swedish International (and fill-in captain) Anton Salétros already. That seems a shame after only three matches, but fans are gonna fan.

Of course, people were questioning our precious Zinckernagel after one goal in the first six matches last season. He then went on a tear with five goals and three assists in the next five matches and didn't look back the entire season.


About DC United
Once a mighty force in MLS, winners of 3 of the first four MLS Cups, getting crushed by the Chicago Fire in 1998...of course. They also won in 2004 under Piotr Nowak (starring 14 year old Freddie Adu!, seriously, he played in the 30 matches and had 5 goals, his best season as a professional) and had a couple of Supporters Shields in 2006 and 2007, but have done f*ck and all in the two decades since. They have also done nothing in the US Open Cup since winning in 2013.

They have rivaled the Fire as the worst overall team for at least the last decade+, with no Playoff Appearances in the last five years and no playoff series wins since 2015.

Gone is Christian Benteke, who had an excellent 2024 (golden boot winner) but a not-so-excellent 2025 (9 goals).

I guess DC United are "led" by Israeli forward Tai Baribo, picked up in the offseason from Philadelphia. DC United inexplicitly paid between $4 and 4.6 million for him. Baribo did have a very good 2025 for Philly. According to Wikipedia he is a DP, but only earning $810,000 (well that is what he earned last season). Seems a waste of a DP slot.

The other DP is new signing Romanian forward Louis Muneanu, signed from CFR Cluj after crapping out at Fiorentina. For reasons unknown, DC United played a club-record $7 million for him. He did have a good season in 2024 in Liga I (oh, that is the Romanian Liga I, by the way), scoring 23 goals in 35 matches. And had 2 goals in 14 matches this Fall prior to his transfer to DC United.
He is a full Romanian International and scored two goals for Romania last season, but they were in a friendly against Moldova (ranked 158 in the world) and a 2026 FIFA World Cup Qualifier against San Marino (ranked 210 and dead last...in the world).
I feel as there should be asterisks there.

Backing up those two are midfielders Brazilian Gabriel Pirani and "homegrown" Jackson Hopkins.

Really, other than Sean Johnson, they have nobody of note.

As for the match, it will be a chilly and possibly drizzly 40 degrees or less (the high is projected to be 40 degrees). Last year it was 80 degrees on March 14th! That would have been nice.

The Fire must win this match!
The Fire have to win this match!

The Fire WILL win this match! (or not. Who really knows?)

Fire win 1-0 if Cuypers plays.
and
7-1 if Cuypers does not play, in a repeat of last year's match

No, really, the score will be
3-0, with Chris Brady managing to secure his third straight shut out.







(*Oh, f*ck you with the "You cannot use proper names in Scrabble!" It was a joke, lighten up, Francis!)

 

Exactly.

 

DC United jersey?
Great

All the others?
Awful and embarrassing.

 

Courtesy of PDave this morning:

Chicago Fire FC
OUT: André Franco (lower body)
OUT: Andrew Gutman (lower body)
OUT: Sam Rogers (lower body)
QUESTIONABLE: Leonardo Barroso (lower body)
QUESTIONABLE: Hugo Cuypers (lower body)
QUESTIONABLE: Chris Mueller (lower body)

 

We can Shokalook!

We should Shokalook!

No, I have no idea what that means, either

 

Too busy working on an "activation" to bother with the actual match.

 

That looks like a good line up to me!