Is it ethical to referee a match in which you have a relation playing? I was asked to ref middle school matches, and I declined since my son is participating on a middle school team. Apparently I was alone in that particular ethical qualm, though. The match my son played in yesterday had two referees whose sons play on the team opposing my son's. The teams weren't evenly matched, so the result wasn't in question from the outset, but the game wasn't very well refereed. To me, it stinks like three day old fish and brings the game into disrepute. Comments from refs? Assignors?
Personally, I hate to do a match where a child of mine is playing, but sometimes you must "for the good of the game". Turn it down if it is a competitive league match. Since I don't think that there are middle school championships, I'd really have no problem doing one or two where my kid was playing. -nat (referee, assignor, and parent - not necessarily in that order)
You did the right thing.The administrative handbook for referees covers that particular circumstance for USSF offciating. But for the middle school league, if they are USSF affiliated...thumbs up...if not, check with your middle school league.
Also being a parent, referee and assignor, I would agree with Nat. It is awkward, but rarely an issue of ethics or fariness. It would be unwise to assign a parent for a semi or final, but for regular league games, I often draw upon parents of players to assist. They are going to be at the field anyway, so why waste a pefectly good official as a spectator? My son and daughter, however, are convinced that I am tougher on their teams. They believe having me officate one of their matches is a liablility and an advantage for their opponents. Sherman
I agree, I also know which players on their teams are most likely to be offside or use inappropriate tactics.
For me personally I have no issue refereeing my kids matches be it rec or competitive league because I am fair and don't favor my kids. No benefit of the doubt is given to them. I also always let the coaches know that a child of mine is on the other team and in every case it has not been an issue with the coach. Not that this happens with any great frequency, since I rarely do youth matches anymore.
Such a situation happened to me while running the line in a club game my sister was playing in. In my old hometown, referees were scarce, so not only was my father assigned to the game, but the other official didn't show up. He recruited myself and a parent to run lines. With about 10 minutes left and a tie score, my sister challenged for a rebound in front of the opposition's net. She got to the ball a second before the keeper and put it away, getting a piece of the keeper's arm with her foot. Their bench went ape-caca, and the keeper's parent charged the field to yell at my father. He checked with his linesman (me) to confirm the call, which I did. The parent wouldn't leave the field. We almost had to call a forfeit (which would have caused a freaking riot). Of course, this was u-14... RS
About seven years ago I was assigned a league playoff game at a field in the town where I work. One of the guidelines for league playoffs is that the referees and assistants are not from the competing towns so they are neutral. When I arrived at the field, I found that one of the teams was from Plymouth, where I lived and did most of my officiating. Both of the assistants were first year and too close in age to take the middle, so I diclosed the possible conflict to the coaches. The blue , Plymouth, coach had no objection, but the red, Hingham, coach said that he would have no objection either, just a long as I was neutered. It is amazing what sacrifices they ask us to make.
Personally, I hate doing a game where one of my kids is playing, and never, ever accept assignments for those games. HOWEVER, with the shortage of referees and the unfortunate occasional lack of same, at least once a season I am sitting there in my comfy lawn chair and a coach ambles over, informing me that the game official has not shown up and, of course they don't want me to feel obligated or anything, but I'm the only guy there with a license and if I don't do the game they can't play. I always agree, since I can hardly say "No, dammit, send all these people home". If it's at our home club, I refuse the fee, and if it's an away match I give the fee to the team manager. I'm not exactly sure why, it just makes me feel better about it. The reason I hate to do these games is not because I'm worried about the appearance of bias either way. They asked me, they gotta take what they get. Rather, it's because I come to watch my kid play. After years and years of coaching, reffing and running leagues and tourneys, I've earned the right to sit there all fat dumb and happy, cheer for the kids, grumble about the coach, chat with my wife and just enjoy.