Well, you can go with straight gasoline, which only runs about $.25 to $.40, depending on your tolerance level. If you're one of the few who aren't for that and need to get wasted and dull the pain, a nice bottle of everclear will do that. One shot down the gullett and another in the eyes. It hurts like hell, but you'll sure as hell stop thinking of the league's bullshit.
The only thing from this thread I learned is that Archer preferred non Dry Canadians all the way back in 2002.