Controlling/Punishing Out of Hand Parents

Discussion in 'Coach' started by bigdush, Sep 19, 2003.

  1. bigdush

    bigdush New Member

    Jul 22, 2003
    Parker, CO
    Here is the scene:
    U13-g, competitive state cup quarterfinal between two larger/well established club teams. Parents on one side of the field, teams and coaches on the opposite. First half hotly contested and ending in a tie. About 5 minutes into the second half opposing parental tensions rise. Verbal spewing back and forth between the parents elevates to a physical fight between two fathers. The girls that are actually playing the game stop and a whole bunch start to cry. Referee has to stop the game to get control of the fans.

    Here are the questions I have for the BigSoccer masses (approach them from the standpoint that you are a coach of one of the two squads):
    -When and in what manner do you address the players and parents about what went on? What do you tell both?
    -Do you ever allow the parent that was involved in the physical altercation to spectate at one of his daughter's games as long as they are involved with your team (and/or what type of penalization do you issue to the parent)?
    -Do you hold the bystander parents, the ones that didn't try to stop the verbal back and forth before it turned physical, accountable? If you do, what kind of punishment do you give to them?
  2. Richie

    Richie Red Card

    May 6, 1999
    Brooklyn, NY, United
  3. Pokeden

    Pokeden New Member

    Jul 20, 2003
    There are a few Associations that tried this in 2002. In 2003, there are more! Seems like having spectators away from Coach and players, is working. Parents are less likely to be unruly, let the Coach do the coaching, and leave the players alone. Also, letting them know far in advance what is expected of them, and what the consequences are!

    The Coach is fully responsible for the spectators(regardless of where they are). If they can not be controlled, the Coach is ejected, and the game ends; and possibly forfeiting the next game. Simple and to the point.

    Do these parents want their child to play, or not.

    In your scenario:RE: Referee:
    The Referee should have stopped the game and instructed the Coach to do something, before it got out of hand. If nothing could be done, then.....eject and abandon. Remembering to put in a FULL report.
  4. Richie

    Richie Red Card

    May 6, 1999
    Brooklyn, NY, United
  5. bigdush

    bigdush New Member

    Jul 22, 2003
    Parker, CO
    I like it when the parents are separated from the players/coaches, but only if there is a field marshall on the sidelines with the parents.

    In my opinion, there should've been a 4th official at the game (not sure if there was or not). The 4th official should be well in touch with the goings on all around the field and could signal stoppage of the game for crowd control.

    Bottom line: Parents should know when to be parents and not crazed fans looking to wack anyone not wearing their team's colors.

    I just don't understand where the tension comes from. I understand having a vested interest in your child's play, but composure should be taught to children just as intensity should be taught (if they are truly teachable qualities).

    "thanks for the example of good behavior mom and dad".
  6. uniteo

    uniteo Member+

    Sep 2, 2000
    Rockville, MD
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I would avoid punishing the player for the parent's transgressions if you can.

    The father would be banned from the sidelines for the rest of the season...and let him know that if he breaks that ban his daughter will no longer be on the team.

    Also, good opportunity to lecture ALL the parents about proper sideline behavior and don't forget to include comments to the effect that parents are not to;
    1) coach from the sidelines
    2) make comments to or about the referee

    And remind them in a nice way that they don't have to feel obligated to attend...the girls are busy playing and they shouldn't view attendance as a chore.
  7. txlaird

    txlaird Member

    Oct 22, 1999
    Movin' to Texas
    At the beginning of the season I have a parents and player meeting--off the field--and explain that the parent's behaviour would actually impact their child's playing time. IE if they were difficult on the side line their child would play less. Addly if I as a coach received a card because of parent's behaviour, I would suspend the player as if it was a card given to the player. Only had to put into practice once.

    The parents were very surprised and the players were actually very supportive.

    I did encourage the parents to pick someone other than their child to cheer for on the team. It made for a much less critical side line.
  8. GoFireGo

    GoFireGo New Member

    Apr 25, 2002
    When I was playing there was one instance where this mom was being really loud and abusive to her sons team and to mine. The ref stopped the game, came over to the sidelines, told the mom basically to shut up, and got an ovation from the rest of the crowd. It was great.
  9. JohnR

    JohnR Member+

    Jun 23, 2000
    Chicago, IL
    Parental Conduct

    Preventative medicine is best.

    Our club has a parental code of conduct that we each must sign. In addition -- and this is of greater importance -- the parents have learned over time of the idiocies that can happen when parents don't think at a kid's game.

    We don't talk to the other team's parents except for polite small talk before and after the game, and if they're acting like fools we ignore them. Which can be hard to do sometimes ... on occasion the rest of the group has to help a parent cool off, typically if the other team's parents are whining about his kid.
  10. Go2NY

    Go2NY New Member

    Feb 19, 2000
    Croton-on-Hudson NY
    We always had a parents coaches meeting before the season started - by inviting everyone including the players to our home - serving snacks - and running it like a 'coaching' seminar in the respect of the behavior expected from everyone

    We discussed the children are the most important factor, and parents may encourage children in positive ways, but no negative language or motivation was to be used, or we'd remove them from the area.

    I gave the following example:

    We were playing a blue collar team, we were a professional white collar parented team, the blue collar parents knew that we came from a nearby town where all the children were expected to go to ivy league schools.

    The blue collar pareents felt exploited, because we had trained, brught two assistant coaches and several sopportive parents, all who assisted in warmups, pregame talks, snacks and uniform and cleats assistance and q and a from the players about todays tactics.

    During the game , one of the angry blue collar parents began to shout "kill that kid" etc.

    One of our assistant coaches, also a plain clothes detective. and another assistant coach, unceremoniously, spoke to that parent in a soft voice, put their arms around them in friendship and walked the offending parent off the field.

    ALL the parents saw this, and restrained themselves for the remainder of the game.

    The following year, when we played that team, everyone behaved properly.

    Turns out the offending parent was the Mayors wife.

    When trouble starts, in your game, you must lay down the ground rules before the season starts, recruit a cop and a good assistant coach and if any kind of trouble starts, you must nip it in the bud before it becomes a cancer.

    Soccer is a simple game, so is civilzed behavior.
  11. bigdush

    bigdush New Member

    Jul 22, 2003
    Parker, CO
    Okay guys. First off, I've enjoyed reading some of what has been written.

    Let me say this, the before season talks to the parents and children about behavior is a great tool and is done not only at the beginning of the season, but also periodically throughout.

    My question/posts have to do more with what needs to take place now that the altercation happened (despite the preseason talks, etc).
  12. Bleacherbutt

    Bleacherbutt New Member

    May 1, 2001
    Rochester, NY
    Brilliant. I am going to share this tidbit with our coaches in my local soccer club. Thanks.
  13. dude8

    dude8 Member

    Apr 2, 2002
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    ban the parents

    i don't agree with banning the kids, or punishing the the players because of their parents are complete idiots. public humilitation that would come with being arrested should do it, as would stopping the game until the parent(s) leave, like a player's red card.
    How about video taping the crowd and making the parents watch it before each season, making sure to include plenty of choice ahole parents in the scenes.
    some parents don't get that it isn't about them. the first post hit it on the head when they mentioned that some of the players started to cry. that alone should have been enough to stop the behavior, but, i guess it wasn't about the kids in the first place.
  14. bigdush

    bigdush New Member

    Jul 22, 2003
    Parker, CO
    follow up

    The penalties were handed out.

    All parents included in the scuffle have been banned by the state association for 2.5 years. (They can't attend any game sanctioned by the state's youth soccer association for 2.5 yrs.)

    I'm sure there will be appeals.
  15. borsato

    borsato New Member

    Sep 20, 2002
    i like the simple idea, where the parents and kids
    are clearly told at the begining of the season
    if the parents act up and get a card, their kid is dropped
    until the parent remains absent from all future games.

    that player will not play unless the parent remains at least 100 yards from the field.

    if the parents have beef, they speak w/ the association.

    you have to have tough rules before it becomes lawsuit city, parents suing the coach/leauge for not playing their child....

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