Looking for some wisdom from the group here. My son's team has started playing in one of the USYS Midwest Conference divisions. I generally try to referee a game or two around his games to recoup some of the travel costs. Our assignor is working on assignments right now for a weekend where my son's team plays. Obviously, working my son's games is a hard no. For some reason, he tried to assign me as AR2 for his two games, and I politely turned them back with this explanation. There are two other situations where I'm looking for some wisdom about whether you would accept or turn back games in these circumstances. Games involving his club, but in different age groups (i.e. U16 boys, U17 girls when my son plays U14 boys). I don't know any of the kids on these teams, and I know a couple of the coaches in passing. I'd say that I'm probably OK to work games in this circumstance, but maybe try to stick to running lines just to remove some of the potential issues. Games in his same division (so U14 boys), but involving different teams. This one's a bit trickier. My gut says no, just because the perception could always be that an important call would be to the benefit of my son's team (even though I never check the standings, they are out there for public viewing). Absent any other information, I'd probably say yes to 1, but probably stick to ARs, and no to 2 (and if there's an emergency where I'm pressed into service, only stick to a line). I obviously don't want to have any controversy, so I will always defer to being more careful about these assignments. It just gets more difficult when there's only 1-2 different age groups and 3-4 clubs at a particular MWC event. If it helps, our state's policy for State/President's Cup is to NOT work any matches involving our child's club. I also do not work any matches in the competition where my son is playing, which is a personal decision on my part. So I will work, say, U14 boys President's Cup but not any U14 boys State Cup if he's playing in State Cup.
I appreciate your integrity. The fact that you're thinking about it this much makes me confident you'll make good choices.
Lol I did a state cup semi final u17 - one of the teams was my son’s club (one year older) and coach. I had a dogso for the keeper (handling outside the box ) and for whatever reason the center ate the red and just gave a dfk, which saved me from a very uncomfortable conversation with my son’s coach. If you’ve made your conflicts clear, then work the games you’re assigned. Whenever I did what you are, the assignors were very good about not putting me on in the same time slot as my son’s games.
I personally would not do my child. I would try very hard to avoid any game potentially affecting my child's bracket or standing. Our state HS ethics is the same. If you have a child playing you cannot do that school or any other school in the district. And it is in effect for a period of time after they graduate. I dont recall how long. Of course that puts the assignor in a bind when referees are scarce resources. Back in the day I ended up AR (never R) on a few games in district. All the coaches were aware and fine with it. If they had a problem I would have scratched myself. I'm sure lots of parents in the stands knew as the soccer community isnt that big.
I probably win the award for most conflicts of interest in my state. Not only do I have my son, but I'm the finance director for one of the large school districts in my area. So I don't do any varsity or sophomore games for either of the two high schools in my district. I'll occasionally do a short-notice "JV2" games for the district since those are just to give players who don't play a lot some game time. When it comes to the state playoffs, I don't do any playoff games in the bracket(s) where my district's schools are playing. If either school is in the state tournament, I don't do any games in the largest school bracket unless it's a fourth official in a game not involving either of those teams. So that does mean I generally do smaller schools in the state playoffs, but I try to avoid any issues. Our soccer community isn't that big and I'm generally known as a pretty straight arrow, but it's still just better to avoid it.
To follow up on this, the assignor did try to reason that he'd rather have a parent who is certified than no AR on the game. I wrote back to him and said while I respected his point of view, I just cannot in good conscience officiate my son's MWC games in any capacity. There's just too much that can go wrong, from an uncomfortable car ride home to the other team's coach lodging some pretty serious ethics complaints against the assignor and me. I did also email our state director of assignment about this situation. I generally consider myself a nice guy and someone who is willing to help (particularly when we are talking about the officiating shortages we all know are happening), but these games have real consequences (or at least as "real" as youth sports should have - the actual importance of this is a different topic for another day). The SDA likes me, so I would imagine he'll help me resolve this one moving forward.
I have a kid playing USYS Mid Atlantic. This past weekend I worked a game with two other clubs in their division and a game with a team from my kids club who's coach happens to be my kids coach. I don't give a shit who wins. My kids coach knows I do a good job. I know I do my best. As said above - if you're thinking about it - you'll make the right (best) calls you can. This morning got an email from an assignor looking for one at my oldest's HS game today. She said "Don't you dare, Dad!!"
I would say you’re okay with scenario 1 except when it comes to state cup and beyond or at tournaments. Scenario 2 I would say no on any games where your sons club is involved or in a tournament scenario where the game you are doing can impact your sons games and/or standings.
I was once set up by an assignor who had previously been with a rival club to the one I helped start. President's Cup semi-final, something like U-13 girls. Before the internet was used for assigning or standings, so the paper I got in the mail with the assignment only said "A1 v B2." I go out to the field and I find the B team from my club warming up. Solo assignment. Okay, it is what it is. As I start to go collect rosters and check players in, the assignor comes out from behind some bushes and accuses me of improper behavior by accepting this game. Then another referee comes out from behind the bushes, the real referee. !!!! I told him that I had no idea who was playing in the game until I got to the field. I gave the rosters to the other referee and left. After not getting paid for the assignment, I sent a letter to the State Youth Association, saying that they had to pay me because I had done everything their assignor had asked me to do and I included a copy of the assignment paper. Simple contract law. I got paid, without having to go to small claims court. I'm not sure the assignor was in the same position for the next season. A few years later, he was coaching in a summer tournament game that I did, and I haven't seen him since. My advice is to not do any game involving your child's club, not even AR. And I would not do any game in the same age group/bracket/division with their team. Your reputation is more important than doing a game or two that even the players and the assignor won't otherwise remember six months from now.
This is astonishing the only reason I believe this story is that it was submitted by one of the most respected posters here. Hiding behind bushes? Entrapment? Have these clowns no shame?
Oh the soccer world has seen strange sights, but the strangest were done off the field. (with apologies to Robert W. Service.) This wasn't about refereeing. It was about rivalry, paybacks, etc. In my experience, most referees haven't seen the seamy side of youth soccer. Yeah, we've all experienced the over the top parent "defending their kid" by screaming at the referee and ditto similar coaches. That's just the every day stuff. How about coaches sleeping with the team mom? No, I'm not talking about the parent coach, either. For example, a U-16 girls team at an out of town tournament. A player returns to their room and finds her roommate in bed with a boy. She then goes to the coach's room to report this and finds that the (married) coach is in bed with her roommate's mom. Or, perhaps more competitively oriented, when I was on the state youth board, we got a long list of names of people who had been suspended by USYSA. Some of the names were accompanied by hints of the reasons, such as a coach assaulting a referee. Several of them were noted as "administrators." I asked "Why would an administrator get suspended?" "Forged birth certificates." Not just so, say, a 17 year old could play U-16 and be the star. How about a kid born in another country? If they came to the United States after a certain age, FIFA has to clear them for registration as a player here, because even a 16 year old (or younger!) could have had a pro contract in another country, so a transfer fee may be due. And their former country's national soccer federation may want a "fee" to process their release. My club had two kids who wanted to play for the club but couldn't get a release from their native country. And then there was the small competitive club in our area with only three or four teams and a few coaches. One of the coaches was a student and player at a very small college. When he graduated, he left the area, with all of the club's money. End of the club.
We had a HS coach get fired mid-season because someone found nekkid pictures of a player’s mom on his school computer.
In regards to the original post, I would be fine with #1 but not #2 (unless the situation in #2 was such that there's no way any calls I could make would influence the situation of my child's team). I think the same club thing can get a bit ridiculous when considering how big some of the clubs are. I don't have any kids, but if I did and they played for the biggest local club, it would be very hard for me to get any games unless I work league games for that club. The ethics situations I have to deal with are due to my job as a teacher. Obviously I don't ref my school's games. I've done a few ARs for our school's biggest district rival; I've known their head coach since before I started reffing and he doesn't seem to mind. Last year my school mercy ruled all of the other teams in the district aside from the rival, so I'm not too worried about any conflicts of interest there. I did one 1st round 4O for a playoff game in the same division a few years ago, but it wasn't very close in the bracket to my school. I'd turn down a game if it were only a round away from my school..
So one of my favorites: High school varsity boys' coach, a former NASL player (the original NASL). Quite a character. One time, at a stoppage, he called "Sub, ref, sub." The referee tries to wave on a player, but there's no player there. The referee comes over and says, "You wanted to sub?" He points to AR1 and says, "Him for you." Got sent off for that. Another story about the guy, and me. I was sent by the assignor to assess the referee on a late season game at his school. I assume to help the assignor decide whether this referee should be nominated for a state final. I get there early, like a good assessor, and I'm the only one sitting in the stands when the referee tells him that one of his players' cleats were illegal. (There was one year when NFHS had ruled that cleats of a certain length were not permitted and there were a few models that were, therefore not acceptable.) This was very embarrassing to the coach, since he was a manufacturers' rep for a different brand of shoes, and he didn't know this about the competing brands! He's arguing with the referee and then turns towards the stands and appeals for help. I tried, unsuccessfully, to pretend that he was yelling at someone behind me in the stands, but I was the only person there. I had to yell down, "Yes, coach, he's right!" Surprise. The player had a different pair of shoes in his bag. Anyway, it turned out that he had a pay porn site. It featured his wife, in the 'mature' category. All of the boys on his team seemed to know this. NONE of the school's staff knew this. (My wife was teaching there at the time. A referee friend's son was playing on the team.) Finally, someone found out and he was not renewed as the coach. (He was not a teacher.) They hired someone to be the boys varsity coach for the coming year. But, about one month before practice started, the new coach got a better offer from a wealthier school district, so he's gone. What are we going to do? Yes, they humbly called him and asked him to come back. He did, at least for one year.
A few years ago, a couple of local college players also refereed in a youth rec league i worked. One was promptly banned after he repeatedly texted two of our rookie referees - 14/15 yr old girls - trying to get them to come to his college dorm for a Saturday night... He was on a student visa from another country and saw nothing wrong with that. The girls' dads wanted him deported.
Just last night, I was working with a guy who said that he had gotten both of his kids to referee, but his daughter quit after a year. He had a game with her (about 15, I believe) on the line, something like U-16 or 17 boys game. After the game, boys from one of the teams were trying to hustle her for her contact information. He said that she quit because she just couldn't handle the spectators and players' mouths. But, then, one of my female referee friends and a former assignor would frequently say, "I've been asked for my phone number more often in the women's league than in the men's league."