Columbus Crew vs Chicag-Ohgawd! Everything is on fire! | Match 22 - July 17, 2019 8:00 PM

I will be off work Thursday.

Either due to drinking in celebration, or due to drinking to work nerve up for the next home game.

I like the option about a player getting his first goal and a win - 2 points would triple my season total.

I am guessing that the player would be Guzman, simply to spite all of us who have lamented his ability. That deal doesn't sound bad so long as we win.

 

Last
Game
EVER
in
Bridgeview

 

I won't need to change my mind. We have no defense and our latest goalie is garbage.

 

I'd just like to point out that if the Crew should happen to lose this match, they will set a new MLS record for futility, having lost 14 out of16 straight games. We will stand alone as the worst MLS team ever over a four month period.

They are currently tied with what, up until now, had been considered by most observers to be unmatchably wretched teams, ie. the 2000 Mutiny and 2018 Orlando DisneyMilkers.

Friends, it just doesn't get much worse than where we are now. We are in fan hell. This is a period of horror that will be part and parcel of team history, held up as in "Well things may be bad but at least it's not 2019. Now THAT was a disaster. The kids will roll their eyes: not THAT story again.

Being a Crew fan has never been easy or simple. Never. It takes real guts.

I've been trying to come up with a name for this period, like "The Death March" or "The Crash" or something that will serve as shorthand for the horrors of this stretch of team history but can't quite put my finger on one.

 

It's Monday morning so my brain isn't working at full capacity but something along the lines of the Monkey's Paw Season clicks with me. It's been quite a harsh comedown after the Saved The Crew euphoria.

 

Yes, and your coach is terrible too. Despite all that your team can score goals and ours can't. I think I read somewhere that scoring figures into winning games. Maybe I can dig it up and pass it along to Porter.

 

Every week, the prop bet gets me so close to picking it and this is the week I finally do it. I like to smile and barely any Crew player has scored so if anyone scores, there's a good chance it's their 1st. Winning seems unlikely but hey it's MLS, anything can happen. Let's do it!

 

November 2017 to November 2019... The Years of Fear and Loathing.

Edit: Found the word I was looking for...

The Age of Madrugada

Recognizes the deep darkness of the moment we are in while also referencing a coming dawn.

 

Without thinking, Amanda and I made chicago dogs for dinner last night. Thankfully, I think this is forgivable still this year as they aren't "bridgeview" dogs. But I'll have to be more careful in the coming years with timing up our dinner choice.

Side note: I did not realize how difficult it is to source sport peppers in Columbus.

As far as the game goes, I have a new chant:

"I believe that we won't win"

 

The annoying thing about this streak is that the F*re are so beatable. They are a poor team but the Crew are a tonic for our opponents. We've faced some bad, tired, and depleted teams and found ways to lose to them.

 

how about "the butcher's bill"
since we only have injuries and cashed in a bunch of soccer karma

 

The Massive Malaise.

 

I'd like to see Porter actually play to win, instead of playing with a zero defect mentality that isn't suited for our personnel.

How about:

Room
Afful-Keita-Crognale-Francis
Santos-Trapp-Accam
Romario Williams-Zardes-Hamilton

If either Sauro or Mensah is available, so much the better.

The current Crew lineup and formations are just too easy to defend, thus our problems scoring.

 

I have seen some of the most boring, sleep-inducing soccer at that place where darkness reigns. This one will be another throwaway game. Why not let it be record-setting bad?

 

A lineup with literally 3 back-up quality attackers and 2 people even remotely capable of tackling. And 1 single midfielder. We’d lose like Thailand v the USWNT, if we were lucky.

 

How about

Room

Afful Kieta SomeotherrandomCB Francis

Trapp Santos Guzman

Diaz Zardes Accam

I assume Mensah and Sauro will be out, otherwise one of them would slot into the other CB slot. If not, I'd prefer Crognale, but who knows?

Can't see Porter benching "his guy" Guzman. Let him hang back more defensively an have Santos push forward.

I just assume/hope Diaz is officially added to the roster.

 

Maybe, but Chicago's weakness is in defense. If we can score first, we can play more compactly. If we play the usual suspects, we'll get shutout again while holding Chicago to 1 or 2 goals.

 

Nico Gaitan and Aleksander Katai would destroy that 4-1-5 formation you rolled out.

Also, why does everyone keep putting Santos in a midfield 3? He’s a winger and emergency #10, not an #8.

And Chicago has literally allowed just as many goals as the Crew this year (31 v 31) while scoring nearly twice as many goals (32 v 17).

So.... I don’t see how they have a weakness when compared to Cbus.

 

Saved then Screwed?

The Massive but Miserable?

6P ... Painful Post Precourt Porter Precipitated Plunge

 

What have I missed recently?

 

Do we know if Room and Diaz will even be available?