Blue States Cancel Plans To Secede From U.S.

Discussion in 'Politics & Current Events' started by Ian McCracken, Nov 27, 2004.

  1. Ian McCracken

    Ian McCracken Member

    May 28, 1999
    USA
    Club:
    SS Lazio Roma
    Nat'l Team:
    Italy
    Blue States, Lacking Martial Spirit & Guns, Cancel Plans To Secede From U.S.

    Plans drawn up by the Blue States to secede from the United States were scrapped yesterday, as would-be militant separatists realized "it's kinda hard to secede when you don't own any guns."

    The "Blue States" – the U.S. coastal areas and a few states in the Upper Midwest that traditionally vote Democratic – are feeling increasingly isolated and some Blue State People openly called to secede from the rest of the "God-fearin', sister-marryin', (and here's the key) gun-totin' Red States.

    "When we were making fun of those Red State hicks," said a Blue Stater, "we never realized that, to secede, we'd need some firearms. They have guns and we don't. Onward, atheist soldiers, to Plan B."

    According to a recent study, the only Blue State people with "decent amounts" of guns are "a couple thousand deer hunters" spread throughout rural Pennsylvania and "several hundred gang-bangers" in large California cities.

    "Thanks to our liberal sensibilities," said an anonymous Blue Stater, "we're not even able to start a second revolution. It's difficult to set off another 'Shot Heard Round The World' when you lack the device that does the shooting."

    Military analysts said the only serious attack that could be mounted by the Blue States (besides the hunters and hoodlums) was an advance on Virginia by the 5th Connecticut Watergun Regiment. "But I'm pretty sure the Virginians could defend themselves," said military historian Caleb Carr, "because they've heard of raincoats."
     
  2. Nico Limmat

    Nico Limmat Member+

    Oct 24, 1999
    Dubai, UAE
    Club:
    Grasshopper Club Zürich
    Nat'l Team:
    Switzerland
    I'm sure France is willing to help out...
     
  3. Dolemite

    Dolemite Member+

    Apr 2, 2001
    East Bay, Ca
    damn i had my pitchforks and molitov cocktails ready. Now what am i gonna do with my Y2K Bunker?????????
     
  4. argentine soccer fan

    Staff Member

    Jan 18, 2001
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Club:
    CA Boca Juniors
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    Did you ever notice that it is always in the blue states that sportfans attack the players? Just like in Europe.

    It seems like people in red states are more civilized.

    :D
     
  5. Pathogen

    Pathogen Member

    Jul 19, 2004
    Like you care.
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Right. More civilized what with all of their cross burnings, and all...
     
  6. Chesco United

    Chesco United Member+

    Jun 24, 2001
    Chester County, PA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    However, players from a red state team were the first ones to go into the stands. And, the Clemson-original USC brawl was between two teams from a red state :D .
     
  7. Ian McCracken

    Ian McCracken Member

    May 28, 1999
    USA
    Club:
    SS Lazio Roma
    Nat'l Team:
    Italy
    However, the player who ran into the stands (Ron Artest) is from a blue state.
     
  8. usscouse

    usscouse BigSoccer Supporter

    May 3, 2002
    Orygun coast
  9. usscouse

    usscouse BigSoccer Supporter

    May 3, 2002
    Orygun coast
  10. Dan Loney

    Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter

    Mar 10, 2000
    Cincilluminati
    Club:
    Los Angeles Sol
    Nat'l Team:
    Philippines
    Conservatives Continue Comedy Boycott - in ongoing protests against the cultural divide in the United States, a loose coalition of Republicans, conservatives, fundamentalists, and dickheads in general continue their resistance to anything resembling funny.

    "That them there humor stuff is from liberals like Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, and such," said the guy with the "Get a Brain! Morans" sign. "By God, we'll stick with our Jeff Foxworthy or, Christ help us, Mallard Fillmore. I mean, Jesus God, Mallard god-damned ass-********ing Fillmore. That's what we have. He makes that piece-of-******** Onion rip-off Scrappleface look like Blazing Saddles. Just ********ing put us out of our misery."
     
  11. USAsoccer

    USAsoccer Member

    Jul 15, 1999
    Tampa, Florida
    Does anyone else see the enormous humor in this...

    Reputation points to the first person to post a France surrender joke!!!!
     
  12. Nico Limmat

    Nico Limmat Member+

    Oct 24, 1999
    Dubai, UAE
    Club:
    Grasshopper Club Zürich
    Nat'l Team:
    Switzerland
    I don't think you got it...

    General Lafayette must be spinning in his grave...
     
  13. Bob Morocco

    Bob Morocco Member+

    Aug 11, 2003
    Billings, MT
    Nobody in Blue states have guns, ever been to the Source/Vibe awards?
     
  14. Anthony

    Anthony Member+

    Chelsea
    United States
    Aug 20, 1999
    Chicago
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Actually, the latest cross burning seems to have been on Long Island, which voted for Kerry.
     
  15. Pathogen

    Pathogen Member

    Jul 19, 2004
    Like you care.
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Hence my point. No one generalizes better that Ian.
     
  16. Peretz48

    Peretz48 Member+

    Nov 9, 2003
    Los Angeles
    Now that's more like it, Dan. The Salvation Navy was weak.
     
  17. Anthony

    Anthony Member+

    Chelsea
    United States
    Aug 20, 1999
    Chicago
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I thought "Salvaton Navy" was a good effort. Not much to work with in that thread.
     
  18. Finnegan

    Finnegan Member

    Sep 5, 2001
    Portland Oregon
    Ever heard of a Glock or a Tec-9?

    You may have Billy Bob from West Texas with his double barrell but I'll take my man from South Central with his arsenal ANY DAY.
     

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