Leave it to the Fiver to see this whole thing for what it was: Hot on the heels of Channel 4's The 1900s House, where a family lived as the Victorians did with no concessions to modernity, comes The 1900s Press Box, where sports hacks opine as the Victorians did with no concessions to common sense. "Disgraceful!" "Shameful!" "Appalling!" "Scandalous!" "Sick!" they over-reacted after the frankly minor but entertaining spat at Old Trafford, before pulling on their stovepipe hats, mounting their penny farthings, and heading home with a view to engaging in a bit of frottage against that uncovered occasional table. Let's recap. An Arsenal player nearly kicked a Manchester United player. The Manchester United player over-reacted slightly. The Arsenal player was sent off. Two other Arsenal players pushed the Manchester United player around a bit. And, eh, that's it. All good clean knockabout fun, and the sort of thing we all secretly love, come on, let's face it. But Arsenal must be punished for their wild animalistic ways, so up to five of their players now face being charged by the Sanctimony Association as part of a major disciplinary crackdown. "The [SA] will be looking at various aspects of player behaviour during the match and in the scenes following the final whistle," bristled SA head of media Adrian Bevington, the hot air melting the wax of his bushy moustache. "The [SA] will make a further statement as soon as this process is complete." They may also probe reports of an alleged tunnel bust-up between Patrick Vieira and Ruud van Nistelrooy, which saw both players using unacceptable language that could have been heard by impressionable ladies and children. Quick! Throw some heavy hessian over Martin Keown!