Arrrgggghhh! Parents! (How do I keep from showing up the other team?)

Discussion in 'Coach' started by Father Ted, Oct 18, 2008.

  1. Father Ted

    Father Ted BigSoccer Supporter

    Manchester United, Galway United, New York Red Bulls
    Nov 2, 2001
    Connecticut
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    Ireland Republic
    So I coach two team in rec, my son's 2nd/3rd grade team and my daughter's 4th/5th/6th grade girls team. My daughter's team is very good and the stuff we work on in practice is actually clicking like passing and movement. So much so after 6 games we havent lost and today we won 10-0. One of the parents of the other team came over to be afterward and berated me for not telling my team to go easy, that his daughter(5th grader) was crying because we won by so much. I just said sorry, but that my girls had working hard at practice and and learning the game. What am I to do?
     
  2. Twenty26Six

    Twenty26Six Feeling Sheepish...

    Jan 2, 2004
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Re: Arrrgggghhh! Parents!

    You can play your players in different, unfamiliar positions. You can play your lesser players. There's always a way to work around it.

    However, if you can't do those things, then there isn't really anything else you can do. :eek:

    Oh, and I would NEVER condone telling kids to "pass it around" or "play possession" or "don't try to score". That stuff, when it becomes obvious, is infinitely more insulting than scoring 10.
     
  3. Th4119

    Th4119 Member

    Jul 26, 2001
    Annandale, VA
    Re: Arrrgggghhh! Parents!

    Quoted for truth.

    Next time, ask the parent if it would be more embarrasing if your player had a clear and open shot, dribbled out of the box and passed it all the way back to midfield to possess it.

    Move players around more than you normally do and if you have subs, rest your stronger players. After that, be happy your kids are learning.
     
  4. GKbenji

    GKbenji Member+

    Jan 24, 2003
    Fort Collins CO
    Club:
    Colorado Rapids
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Re: Arrrgggghhh! Parents!

    By the time they hit 10 or 11, they ought to be able to follow simple in-game restrictions, like "You can only shoot with your weak foot," or "We need to do a give-and-go before anyone can go score." That allows them to play the game, not stop trying to score, and also work on something you have practiced.

    Will they forget and shoot with their dominant foot or forget the give-and-go? Perhaps. So what? The object of the game is to score. It is infinitely more embarrassing to have the other team play keep-away against you.

    Plus, I bet that distraught 10-year-old girl was just fine by the time she got home and won't remember the game by Monday. The parent, on the other hand, will probably stew about it all week. :rolleyes:
     
  5. Twenty26Six

    Twenty26Six Feeling Sheepish...

    Jan 2, 2004
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Re: Arrrgggghhh! Parents!

    Last summer, my team was being schlacked by a premier team from another city. In the second half, their coach yelled out: "pass it around; play keepaway". His kids proceeded to lose the ball in front of their own goal from which we almost scored. I walked over and asked him nicely not to do that. He's a nice guy and was probably trying to be nice. But, I don't think that's the best way to go about it.

    True. It's always the parents. The parents get their feelings hurt. The parents are more afraid of the kids making mistakes. The parents need to be validated through their own children's abilities. Ugh, I could write a book on adult psychology. :cool:
     
  6. Father Ted

    Father Ted BigSoccer Supporter

    Manchester United, Galway United, New York Red Bulls
    Nov 2, 2001
    Connecticut
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    Ireland Republic
    Re: Arrrgggghhh! Parents!

    We play 8 a side but a number of kids couldnt make today's game so I only had one sub. That made it more difficult to sub out the more dominant players. I constantly switch them them around anyway, we play a 2-3-2 formation and in the second half I put our best two players into the back line.

    The players are not sophisticated enough to play keep away. There really wasnt more much I could do I thought. I am certainly not going to tell them to "take it easy". It goes against everything we work on in practice e.g. we scored two goal straight off kick offs, I tell them to be first to the ball every time and to attack in threes if possible which they did.
     
  7. Twenty26Six

    Twenty26Six Feeling Sheepish...

    Jan 2, 2004
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Re: Arrrgggghhh! Parents!

    Then, I can't really see much else that you could do.

    You could teach them 1v1 moves and demand that pull a 1v1 move before they score. But, that's flirting with showmanship also.

    The "opposite foot to shoot" thing might work in the future.
     
  8. efernandez9

    efernandez9 Member

    Jun 6, 1999
    Joe Pool Lake
    It happened to me once at the YMCA, coaching 6yr olds
    even one parent in my team called 'unsportmanship'

    I felt the same way, at the game, they all showed for practice, did what they were ask to do and why should I hold them down from scoring and celebrating their own success??

    you did right.....that was then

    today and last month I faced a and 11 yr old team, that was our archirival, some how they got better and 3 or 4 new players made the difference, I got beat 6-0 and today the coach made changes for 2nd half and move players around, as they were 3-0 wining.....

    the only thing you can do when you are winning easy, is to move players around and see how they do? YOU learn and the parents feel good about, if they score more......well, the local league is at fault, they are not matching you right!

    my2cts
     
  9. NYC_COSMOS

    NYC_COSMOS BigSoccer Supporter

    Jan 13, 2007
    Queens, NY
    Club:
    CA Vélez Sársfield
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    How about telling your kids to play "one touch". This would probably give them that killer touch that most teams strive for.

    Let's say you are up 3-0. Instead of moving kids around, have them one touch the ball. Make them stick to this until the other team scores. Then go back to regular play.

    It would be an awesome way of teaching this skill by applying it during a competitive match.
     
  10. rca2

    rca2 Member+

    Nov 25, 2005
    That would work with teens, but these kids are not going to be able to handle it. It requires a lot of situational awareness on the whole team's part to pull off. It would also prevent any dribbling which is what you want to encourage at that age.
     
  11. elgambitero

    elgambitero New Member

    Apr 10, 2008
    Also, that borders on trying to do the keep away deal as well. I understand the concept, and that is something great to do in a competitive practice, however in a game, maybe not the place.

    Again, who came up to you and said it was a problem, it was a parent. The same one that probably still stews about the coach not putting him in from 4th string quarterback in high school (cue Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite). Parent's do more harm than good, so don't let that parent get to you.

    As for a 10-0 scoreline, sometimes you can't avoid it. As you said, you only had one sub anyway, so what were you to do.

    Here comes the far-reaching argument though, and this is missed by 99% of people dealing with soccer in the US.

    Too much of the game is put on winning and losing. Sure, your team won 10-0, but did your kids really learn anything from this game? Maybe not, but I bet some of the kids on the other team sure learned some things (maybe how to defend better, what to do when a team is faster, how to handle a large loss, maybe they saw a move that they want to emulate).

    Player development is what is more important than a team winning or losing. All of my parents know that if we win or lose, it doesn't matter, especially for the U-8 through U-12's. I've lost games while teaching the kids certain defensive tactics because you know what? We probably won 10 more because of that one game.

    Is it the other coaches fault that they lost that bad? Probably not, but if he is any good of a coach, he should deal with the losing aspect early and focus on player development.
     
  12. Twenty26Six

    Twenty26Six Feeling Sheepish...

    Jan 2, 2004
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    As a player, the thing kids don't get enough of in highly competitive youth soccer is an understanding of failure and some idea of how to deal with it.

    So many kids crumple at the first sign of adversity in an intense competition. They're just not prepared to accept (bc their parents aren't prepared to accept) that they might not be the best, at everything, all the time.
     
  13. elgambitero

    elgambitero New Member

    Apr 10, 2008
    And where does that come from?? PARENTS!!!

    As much as I preach Player Development, I also am a firm believe in Parent Development as well.

    Kids get upset because they have a sense of competition, that is true. But that is often compounded 100x by the parents who talk about it on the car ride home, the next day, the next time they play that team.
     
  14. afireinside

    afireinside New Member

    Oct 19, 2008
    Re: Arrrgggghhh! Parents!

    True. It's always the parents. The parents get their feelings hurt. The parents are more afraid of the kids making mistakes. The parents need to be validated through their own children's abilities. Ugh, I could write a book on adult psychology.
     
  15. Twenty26Six

    Twenty26Six Feeling Sheepish...

    Jan 2, 2004
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Oh, I know. It's always the parents. Plus, it's always the parents that couldn't hit a beachball with a tennis racket that think losing is so "unacceptable".
     
  16. ROSSIGA

    ROSSIGA Member

    Jul 1, 2008
    Indiana
    A few weeks ago, I would have said that neither team gets anything out of a lopsided score. I hate winning or losing by wide margins. This weekend gave me a reason to reconsider my thoughts.

    My 9 year old's rec team lost 3 of our last 4 regular season games with the scores of two of those games being 8-1 and 6-0. They totally lost confidence and their competitiveness evaporated.

    As coaches, we spent the last two weeks encouraging them to play hard, raving about how good they were, offering a few ideas on how they could improve, and we did a little less moving of players around as we tried to rebuild their confidence. It worked! The team that beat us 6-0 two weeks ago was shocked when we beat them 5-3 in the opening round of our tournament yesterday. The kids were excited about turning things around but not half as excited as I was. I learned some lessons about dealing with kids that I'll never forget. I hope the kids learned some lessons about not giving up.

    I have a suggestion that I tried with some success this year...I called the opposing coaches the week before the game to see how their season was going. It was akward for me at first but I was surprised to get pretty positive feedback from doing this. The coaches assessments were pretty accurate and honest as were my assessments of our team. One coach told me they were getting hammered every week so, with some apprehension, I started our weakest kids on offense and in midfield. Our best players only played half a game that week and we kept the score down to 4-0 while asking our kids to give their best effort. Our worst player even scored our first goal so he was excited.
     
  17. rca2

    rca2 Member+

    Nov 25, 2005
    Losing a game is not failure.
     
  18. elgambitero

    elgambitero New Member

    Apr 10, 2008
    At my local YMCA where I work, I've ran the house soccer teams for quite a while, and we play in a local league.

    Anyway, last season none of my teams won a game. All of the teams in the league aside from us play year round, and every year I get a different group of kids to mold.

    We went from losing 6-0 to 4-0 to 2-1 and then lost 1-0 the last game of the season on a goal scored from about 20 yrds out.

    But, after my games except for the occasional grumble, no one cared. None of my kids were upset, because a) they were having fun b) they knew they were getting better because they could see it c) They didn't want to be any of those teams, they wanted to be us.

    But the more important d) ALL the parents knew my expectation and what I felt the kids could do, and what they would do.

    Too much emphasis on W's and L's and not enough on how they develop
     
  19. NHRef

    NHRef Member+

    Apr 7, 2004
    Southern NH
    I reffed a game as an AR this weekend. Teams looked lopsided before we even started, U14B v U13B and the size difference was HUGE. I happened to AR the coaches side, next to the bench of the smaller team, his speach just before sending the players out was basically:

    - they are bigger, they will win all 50-50 balls. Adjust to this
    - they are faster, so will win through ball foot races, offensively and defensively, so we need to adjust for this.
    - they are faster so will win races for long passes, so keep them short and crisp and move the ball rather than dribble around them.

    Result:

    - bigger team won almost every 50-50 free kick/punt
    - faster team got some breakaways on over the top balls

    - smaller/slower team controlled the pace of play with constant player and ball movement. They lost 2-0, but they controlled play for the most part.

    I was impressed with his speach as well as his teams performance and attitude.
     
  20. uniteo

    uniteo Member+

    Sep 2, 2000
    Rockville, MD
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I agree with challenging your team to hit certain objectives before shooting.

    I'm surprised to not have read what I think is the most effective way to deal with this (unless I missed it). Start pulling players. If at 8 v. 8 you go up by a lot of goals fast, then go to 8 v. 7, see how the game balances, you may go to 8 v. 6. My experience is that the opposition players usually don't notice and your players will be better off for having been challenged, even if it is only because they were short-handed. It's especially helpful if you have limited subs.

    Of course, the potential problem is if you have a lot of subs then the kids would get less playing time (but higher quality).
     
  21. salvikicks

    salvikicks Member+

    Mar 6, 2006
    Los Angeles
    Club:
    Los Angeles Galaxy
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    thats like the opposite reaction i got from another coach we were winning by like seven at half time and he said i dont care if you win by 13 i dont want you to pitty them just becasue theyre a little smaller. I guess if youre winning by like 5 at halftime and the game has been going in your favor take out the best players and give the other ones a shot.
     
  22. socfan60

    socfan60 Member

    May 6, 2001
    Try designating one kid as the goal scorer. Everybody else needs to try to set that kid up. When that kid gets a goal, change the goal scorer. Great to see them adjust on the field. when you designate the center back as the goal scorer. Does he just move up to play forward? who covers for him? Does he make runs from the back forward? Lots of good stuff comes out to work on.
    Works well for a couple of reasons:
    1) can get your lesser players a goal
    2) forces kids to look up and make passes to score
    3) can be communicated subtlely. I will usually yell out "Find Jimmy" and they know what that means.
    4) The kids are just playing.

    As mentioned earlier soem one how "isn't suppossed to" scores (in fact I tell them if they have an open net to put it in for reasons mentioned above) but generally it works.
     
  23. pasoccerfan

    pasoccerfan Member

    Mar 7, 2002
    Hershey, PA
    Designating scorers is pretty good - I used it with U-Littles and it really evened out the game.

    A couple of games ago my U-10 rec team lost 5-1. The other coach made a huge show of bringing in his team after the 4th goal and loudly telling them (so everyone in the community could hear it) to "play defense" and "not go over midfield", etc.

    I can't remember the last time I was so annoyed, especially since:
    - I didn't have any subs for the game
    - My best player wasn't there (would have made a world of difference)
    - we controlled the game in their end for most of the game (their goals were scored on breakaways, and I encourage my defenders to move up with the play - unlike most coaches who plant three defenders on the 18 and are obviously commanded not to move).

    This really ticked me off. The other coach could have been much more subtle about what he was doing, that's for sure. The kids aren't stupid.

    I've borrowed an idea from a poster some time ago (don't remember who) that called for the coach to keep track of dribbles, passes, tackles, etc., and my kids were at least pleased they "scored 43 points"...

    My kids are still horrible, but they've come a loooooong way since the season started. Of course, their game on Saturday is against a team that has played together for 4 years already, and is routinely winning by 7-0, 10-0, etc.

    Can't wait.....
     
  24. Twenty26Six

    Twenty26Six Feeling Sheepish...

    Jan 2, 2004
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Just reinforce the idea that the score doesn't matter.

    One time, at halftime of a game with my U11s, I told them a story of how I played sports as a kid - in the yard with friends. I asked them if they kept score when they played games with their friends...

    If 'no', I said:
    ... Did they still play hard and try to 'win'? Of course, they said yes. Then, I asked them how they knew that they won. They talked about doing little things here and there. Obviously, they didn't need a score to know they were winning.

    If 'yes', I said:
    ... If you start losing, do you go home? I told them that no matter what the score was I never quit trying to win. Sometimes, I said, you don't win. But, you should still try. If you're not trying to do your best, then where's the fun in playing?

    ...

    We were losing 7-1 at half. We came out and won the 2nd half 4-0. I was so proud. It was the turning point of the whole season. From then on, no matter what the score or how bad the parent whined or groaned, the kids never gave up.

    I'd like to think (hope) that they were liberated from worrying about failure b.c I didn't care about the score.
     
  25. DoctorD

    DoctorD Member+

    Sep 29, 2002
    MidAtlantic
    Club:
    Philadelphia Union
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Funny to see this thread. My 3rd and 4th grade school team got berated by the opposite coach last Saturday for running up the score. The score was 7-0 at the end of the first quarter. We had four goal scorers in the quarter. One kid scored 3 and we pulled him back to defence before the quarter's end. Another kid scored 2. These two kids ended up playing only a mandatory 2 quarters in the game.

    The other coach complained that we did not take kids off the field. He did not realize we played 8 in the third quarter and 9 in the fourth (these are 11v11 games). All of our weaker players played 3 quarters. All total we had 6 different goal scorers.

    The game ended up 9-4. I lost my first game in this league, 10 years ago, 12-1. Now that was a blowout!
     

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