An explanation for last night's game...

Here's a bit of prose that might help explain some of last night's game. Remember, this work is a piece of fiction, and any resemblance of the characters to people who post here is surely a coincedence.

 

It was a dark and stormy night in Cambridge. The rain pounded on the flat metal roof of a shanty occupied by 3 disreputable looking men.

"I don't see why we always have to do this here", whined one of the men, "My place is so much nicer."

"Shuddup Monty", said the leader, "This was my idea, and we are going to do it at my place. Besides, it's got the right kind of ambience for this kind of thing. Gregor, put down that pizza and keep your mind on your work. We don't want a foul up like the Beasley brothers again."

"It wasn't my fault, Evan, I thought that soda can was empty", replied the third, as he got back to work on a complicated machine that like two telephone booths connected together through an arcane piece of 19th century electrical equipment, and a computer running Championship Manager.

"Well, this time we are going to fix Chicago, but good. And there's no way you can get Razov and Kamler confused. And stop calling me by my real name. Remember, while we're plotting my name is The Magpie."

"How is this going to work, Ev, err, I mean Magpie", asked the first man.

"It's simple, we call Razov on one phone and Kamler on the other. When they both, pick up, we pick the approprate settings, turn the wheel on Gregor's contraption over there, and it will transfer some of Razov's characteristics over to Kamler."

"But, how do we know which ones."

"Well, Gregor's got a different switch for every concievable setting. He got them from some game he's always playing on the computer. There's one for tactics, one for dribbling, etc. He made it so you can make it operate in either direction. We don't want to be too obvious, so we are only going to hit the switch to transfer Razov's finishing ability over to Kamler, and vice-versa."

"Oh. Sounds simple, I guess. What went wrong with the Beasley brothers?"

"The Beasley plan was brilliant - we were going to leave Jamar with all the abilities he did better, while giving him all the things DeMarcus did better. It would have worked, too, but just as they both picked up the phone, Gregor spilled his soda. Fried the contraption but good, and ended up having the exact opposite effect as what we had intended. Jamar became a journeyman, and DMB a budding superstar. Worst part is, the machine was so trashed, it took this long for Gregor to get it fixed."

"O.K. Ev, err, I mean Magpie. It's already to go."

"Excellent work Gregor, let's do this. Monty, keep an eye out the window for that Lewis guy. He keeps snooping around trying to get a story."

"How are you going to get them both to come to stay on the phone long enough for the machine to work?", asked Monty.

"Oh, that part's easy. That's what the two tape players are for. Gregor spliced together some tapes from some real life people, guaranteed to get their attention. Ok, Gregor, dial the numbers."

After a short pause, one of the phones started to ring a number.

"Hello?", said a voice on the other end.

Evan, err, Magpie pressed play on one of the tape recorders.

"Is this Brian Kamler?"
"Yes it is", replied the voice on the other end.
"Mr. Kamler, this is Sister Teresa from the Orphanage from St. Mary's orphanage in Providence, do you have a few moments?"
"Of course, anything for the kids."
"We were wondering if...."

While the fictional Sister Teresa asked Kamler to talk to one of the kids at the orphanage, the other phone began ringing and a person picked up on the other end.

"Who is it?", asked a surly voice on the other end.

Gregor pressed play on the other tape recorder.

"Is this Ante Razov?", asked a female voice with a Spanish accent?
"Yeah, who is this?"
"This is Veronica Paysee. We met at the Fire game? I interviewed you at halftime. Anyway, I thought you were cute and wondered if..."
"Oh really?", cut in Razov, "Hold on, Luis is not going to believe this."

A click sounded as Razov hit in his total phone keys and started a three-way.

"Hernandez, you still there? You won't believe who I've got on the phone with me."

Flustered, Gregor reached for the tape player which was still playing the prerecorded voice of Veronica Paysee. In his haste he bumped Monty into the pizza box which fell face down onto the equipment. Sparks flew, the lights dimmed briefly, then completely, as the main fuse to the shanty blew.

"You idiot!!", screamed Magpie, "What did you do that for? We just need a couple more seconds. He wouldn't have noticed that it was a tape."

"I had to, Evan, err Magpie. The machine wasn't equipped to handle total phone. When 'El Matador' picked up, it might have picked up on his finishing instead of Razov's"

"So what? Say what you want about 'El Flopador', but he can finish as well as Razov. That wouldn't have mattered. Now look what you've done."

The lights flickered on as Magpie flicked the circuit breaker back on, and they all surveyed the damage. The pizza box was flipped over on top of the section of the machine with the ability switches. One of the switches was covered with a stringy piece of pizza. Gregor picked it off and wiped the cheese away. The label read "Sportsmanship". Unscrewing the case Gregor carefully lifted the cover away. Inside, the machine was a mess.

"Uh oh", said Gregor.

"What?"

"I think we may have a problem. The anchovies, over here, formed a bridge from this capacitor to several of the ability circuits, completely bypassing the transfer circuits."

"In English."

"Well, it means it would have tried to transfer those abilities from one person, back to himself. Normally this wouldn't have been a problem, but with total phone on, it may have mixed Razov and Hernandez. One of the abilities that was bypassed was the same one that that piece of pizza was on."

"You mean?", asked Monty.

"Yup", replied Gregor, "Razov's already questionable sense of fair play has been replaced with Hernandez'. It's a good thing Cobi Jones doesn't play for the Revs. Tonight's game could be ugly."

"What about the finishing. Did Kamler get Razov's ability?"

"No way to tell until we watch them play tonight. We'll just have to wait and see..."

 

Work sucked today, and my mind just started wandering... Sure sign I need a new job.

I just picked some of our more illustrious posters. Face it John - you're famous! Next up: Rodan, Danzinho, Mike M., Red and JMMUSA8 take a road trip to Ohio in a rented Kia...hmm... better not - I should keep these things realistic.