All-Purpose Soccer Parents Thread

Discussion in 'Youth & HS Soccer' started by becomingasoccermom, Apr 15, 2020.

  1. sam_gordon

    sam_gordon Member+

    Feb 27, 2017
    Yes. DS tried out but didn't impress apparently. Unfortunately(?) before tryouts I told him if he makes the team it would mean no HS soccer, and four days a week making a four hour(!) round trip for training (and he had a new girlfriend at the time). Before they left was probably the best team my son was on.

    It was FC Cinci's first academy team so they were starting from scratch.
     
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  2. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Sep 28, 2019
    Thanks for sharing. I really like reading about what other parents experienced.
    Follow up ques - the kids that quit altogether - are those kids that at U9 you thought would end up quitting? Could you tell at that point the various paths they might take?
     
  3. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Sep 28, 2019
    Is it common to move around to different clubs? How many different clubs do you think is the avg (throughout their entire youth, say 5-18)? I'm already starting to think about what we're gonna do next year. I would love to stay with the current coach but I think it's a different coach each year at this club. I guess it will depend on how we like the next coach.

    Sorry to hear about the social-status stuff. That's a bummer. Parent dynamics can be weird. Some really stick to themselves and others have their own little cliques, it's a bit like high school again. And I'm not looking forward to the politics that I hear about.
     
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  4. sam_gordon

    sam_gordon Member+

    Feb 27, 2017
    I don't think it's unusual to move to different clubs, but I also don't think it's unusual to stay at a club. I do think you can change clubs too much. Barring changing residences, I would think 3-4 club changes between U9-U19 would be acceptable. Much more than that would make me wonder if the player (or parent) is never satisfied.

    DS (U19) is starting his 3rd club. DD (now U16) is still on her first club (started at U7). You make the best decision for your child at the time you need to make the decision. There's really no right or wrong.

    Maybe it's just me, but I've only been able to successfully guess a couple of players that would leave.
     
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  5. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Sep 28, 2019
    Thanks. Is there a way to "interview" the club and coach? I would like to be able to talk to the coaches and understand their approach before committing for a whole year. We did kinda get to know our current coach as the club had some training courses for kids that we did before actually joining the club. But I really don't know what the norm is in terms of vetting a club/coach. Would be nice if all the various clubs offered "campus tours" or "parent informational nights" so that we can see the facilities and assess coaches. Perhaps since my kid is still young (7) I'm sensitive to the coaching style; I don't want too strict a coach; they have to have a good balance between training and letting kids be kids. I'm afraid of getting a coach over the next couple years that might take the joy out the game.
     
  6. soccerdad72

    soccerdad72 Member

    Chelsea
    United States
    Apr 5, 2021
    Go to tryouts and trainings. Your son is 7, so I assume you're not just dropping him off and leaving. Watch the trainings and see the interaction between the coach and the players. And ask your son how he liked the practices.

    As far as changing clubs, I would guess the average (like Sam said), is somewhere in the 2-4 range for player who plays from 7 or 8 up through 18 or so. My younger son, who is 16 now, is with his second club (he started at 8 years old), not counting some rec and local travel teams he played with. My older son played with two as well, but mostly because the first one he was with only had teams up to 8th grade.
     
  7. sam_gordon

    sam_gordon Member+

    Feb 27, 2017
    Around here you find out who the coach is for a specific team generally a couple weeks before tryouts. Once we've decided what club our kids are playing with (usually determined by cost, leagues, challenges, etc), we took the coach assigned to the team. That bit us once. But we made it through that year and the coach left to form his own team.

    If you can find out who the coach is, maybe actually go see his/her current team play in a game. I guess you could arrange to interview the coach.
     
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  8. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Sep 28, 2019
    That's a good idea, thanks
     
  9. Fuegofan

    Fuegofan Member+

    Feb 17, 2001
    Chicago
    I think it's a great idea to interview not just coaches, but other parents and the technical director. When our little team was imploding and my son was about 8, I found out what teams were within 20 miles, fully read their web pages, talked to a coaches from three teams, went to a nearby game so I could see how one coach treated the game and his players, talked to parents on the sideline, had my son attend practice at three different clubs,... And after all that, COVID hit. I tracked how the clubs handled it. The choice came down to two. Over the next 14 months I twice felt I had made the wrong decision (and started to change clubs during that time), but I'm feeling ok at the moment. I track all of the teams that our old club's players switched to. FOMO haunts me, but DS is developing and happy, so I'm happy.
     
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  10. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Sep 28, 2019
    How do you do that? Just ask them if he can attend?
     
  11. Fuegofan

    Fuegofan Member+

    Feb 17, 2001
    Chicago
    Three different answers actually.
    One club had heard about my son. Then the coach and I talked, and found we had a lot in common, including philosophy. So DS was invited to come practice with that club.

    The next club, DS had a friend playing there and I think we asked if he could train there one day. That happened. A week later we were all in lockdown (March 2020).

    The third club has a policy of not having tryouts, but rather a two week training period where the team and the player try each on for size. The team gets to better assess the player and the player gets a feel for the club. So in July or August, this club was doing some make up training and invited DS to join.
     
  12. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Sep 28, 2019
    Thanks. I have another question - I have some friends who are interested in our club for their kids. Should I just ask the coach if they can join in on a practice?
     
  13. sam_gordon

    sam_gordon Member+

    Feb 27, 2017
    I think you tell the coach that you have some friends who are interested in the club for their kids. What does he recommend? He'll either give you another name or tell you to give your friends his name & contact information.

    I would not suggest getting them out to a practice to the coach. If he suggests it, great.
     
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  14. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Sep 28, 2019
    So far, in their first 17 games my kid's team has never been shut out (even when facing a year older teams). And they have 6 clean sheets. I think that's pretty cool. This is comp. They do not play any rec teams.
     
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  15. sam_gordon

    sam_gordon Member+

    Feb 27, 2017
    Good for them. Enjoy it.
     
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  16. bigredfutbol

    bigredfutbol Moderator
    Staff Member

    Sep 5, 2000
    Woodbridge, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    #241 bigredfutbol, Nov 10, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2021
    Sorry for the delayed response.

    I'd wager it CAN be pretty typical--I knew lots of kids/families who moved as often or more than we did--but I'm not sure I'd recommend it. I'll tell you our story as a cautionary tale:

    When we left the first club, it was something of an unusual situation--our travel team had started out as a pretty close-knit "all-star" team and a lot of the parents felt that it was really OUR team not the clubs. We thought we were voting en masse to move to a different club to get better coaching, but in the end a few families didn't make the move...and then the new club split our kids up between their existing A & B teams. Which--in retrospect, that was obviously how it would work but most of us were new to club sports and didn't know then what I wish we'd all known earlier.

    Won't bore you with the details, but it didn't work out so great for our son at that club, and just as we were thinking of leaving we heard about a new team being put together from scratch by an experienced coach at a third club. He promised that this would be a team that he would be with for the long haul, taking them all the way through High School together. He'd actually done that once before, with the older brother of one of the kids he recruited, so we thought--great, this recreates the 'we're all in this together' vibe of our son's first team, so we moved on yet again.

    For the first year or two, it was more or less as advertised. The team was perpetually short-rostered and 2-3 good players away from being a winning team, but the core of players who stuck together mostly got along and my son has told me it was pretty fun.

    But all good things come to an end...the club took control, merging the team with their own team and of course mixing the players up, and ALSO bringing in a bunch of rich kids from a recently-folded academy. A new coach took over, demoting the guy who recruited us to an assistant. And once more, our son was soon on the outside looking in.

    So...by that point my wife and I were out of ideas, and our son was more interested in HS and pickup games anyway, so we went back to where we probably never should have left. There were still a few players from the original team there--a couple who'd never left, and a few others who left and came back before we did. Our son finished his club 'career' there, and now that he was old enough to drive my wife and I never went to practices and rarely went to games.

    So, if I could do it over again--I wouldn't. But you know what they say about hindsight! :)

    EDIT: I mean the moving from club to club I wouldn't do again--it's absolutely the right step for many people, but for us it was a combination of not understanding the lay of the land and thinking the grass was greener at the next club.
     
  17. Fuegofan

    Fuegofan Member+

    Feb 17, 2001
    Chicago
    The truth of your experience rings so loudly! Thanks for sharing!

    We didn't really have a choice as our old club imploded, but chasing after ideal situations? And for the rug to be pulled out from under you? That I understand completely.
     
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  18. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Sep 28, 2019
    @bigredfutbol Thanks for sharing. So if you could do it over you would have stayed with the original club?
     
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  19. bigredfutbol

    bigredfutbol Moderator
    Staff Member

    Sep 5, 2000
    Woodbridge, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    #244 bigredfutbol, Nov 11, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2021
    For us, yes--I think that would have been the best choice. But every kid but one on that original team stuck with club soccer all the way through High school, and (including our son) only 5 of them were back/still on the original club at the end, so clearly leaving WAS the right option for half of them. One ended up at the DC United academy, one or two ended up happy at the second club and stayed there, and one or two moved on to a third or fourth club like we did before finding the best fit. So for them, leaving was the RIGHT decision.

    Not sure how helpful my anecdote is, other than to say just be aware of the landscape and know WHY you're moving.
     
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  20. sam_gordon

    sam_gordon Member+

    Feb 27, 2017
    1000x this. Think about it, what are the reasons you want to move?
    * "Better" coaching? What makes the other coach "better"? They have an A license vs a B? And, just because "Coach Jon" handles the 08s this year doesn't mean he'll be doing the 08s next year. I would think most larger clubs would switch their coaches around every two years. So Coach Jon would have the 08s for two years, then the next year he has the 10s. Two years later he has the 12s.
    * "Better" Club? What makes the club "better"? More facilities? Maybe a dedicated indoor location? More teams (so an A, B, and C team at a given age group)?
    * "Tougher" competition (both on the team and as opponents)? This could be good and could be bad. Going up against better players will make you better, BUT, does that mean your child spends more time on the bench instead of on the field? How would you feel if your child only gets 10-15 minutes per GAME (consistently)? Tougher competition can also mean further distances for games/tournaments.
    * Cost?
    * Location?

    DS is on his 3rd club. He left the first one when the team broke up (didn't really have much of a choice) and the second one when the quality of the team drastically dropped over a couple of years (probably should have left a year ago).

    DD is still on her first club and has no interest in going anywhere else. She doesn't plan on playing after HS.

    Do what makes sense for your son. Don't change clubs "just to change". If you stay with the same club through his career, it will be fine. If you change clubs multiple times, it will be fine.
     
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  21. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Sep 28, 2019
    #246 NewDadaCoach, Nov 14, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2021
    Tomorrow we have the state cup final. This is the U9 level, but some U8 teams are in it.
    I was looking to see how the other U8 teams fared. Compared to all U8's we are in the highest tier final. A couple other made the final in the lowest tiers. But no U8's made it to the final in our tier or above.
    Seems to me we play at about the level of a mid-level comp U9. Nothing to really brag about but kinda neat.

    I think the main benefit of playing in this tournament is that we get to experience a much wider sampling of teams; teams from outside our city.
     
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  22. CornfieldSoccer

    Aug 22, 2013
    I hope this doesn't come across as critical of you, your son's club, ... (I don't intend it to be), but do you mind me asking what state this is? I'm surprised by the idea of a state cup for kids that young.

    In Illinois I think it starts at U12 (correct me if I'm wrong, anyone from here), which I've always thought seemed a little young.

    Is it common across the US to start having state-level championships that young?
     
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  23. sam_gordon

    sam_gordon Member+

    Feb 27, 2017
    Pretty sure @NewDadaCoach is in CA. I did look it up and they have a state level tournament at U9.

    Kentucky starts at U11 with the "Soccer Village Cup". That's a state wide tourney for U11 & U12 teams. U13 starts the "State Cup" and "President's Cup" (one level down). Winners of the State Cup and President's Cup advance to the USYS Regionals. Soccer Village Cup is just an end of season, there's no advancement to regionals.

    I just looked and Kentucky has two end of season tournaments for Rec teams (one end of fall, one end of spring) and they start at U10.
     
  24. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Sep 28, 2019
    #249 NewDadaCoach, Nov 14, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2021
    @sam_gordon is correct. We're in CA.
    There were a handful of U8 teams that entered the tournament which starts at U9.
    "State Cup" sounds like a big-deal tournament, but at the young ages it looks to me like it's more about getting in games as there are a couple rounds of seeding matches which culminates in the playoff part of the tournament (ie there's more games played in seeding that in the actual playoff).
    (I think at the older age groups there is more on the line so to speak)

    Anywho, we won today. I thought it would be a very close match but we won by a lot against a U9 team. I was actually blown away by our confidence, assertiveness, skill, at such young ages. The team seems to be getting better each day. But it's all in good fun, and the pageantry of receiving the medals looks like a lot of fun for the kids.
     
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  25. bigredfutbol

    bigredfutbol Moderator
    Staff Member

    Sep 5, 2000
    Woodbridge, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I have a question about the practices this team has--how do those go? When my son's U8 team was tearing it up, their practices were basically just scrimmages. The coaches used them to figure out who should play what positions most of the time, and made some suggestions here and there, but mostly just let them play. It was honestly the key to their success, not a lot of Xs and Os and whatnot.
     

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