Sir Red Nose and the case of the Arsenal smoke screen "Infamy!, Infamy! they've all got it in for me! Bookies, ManUrians and lovely gentlemen of the press, against whom I would not have an ill word spoken, except when I decide never to speak to you again then change my mind, coz when I sobered up I realised it wasn't in my interests, I come to praise Ferdinand not to bury him! (go on have another Scotch - och aye the noo). Verily I say unto thee - jimme, why do the press waste their time trekking all the way up here to the cloth caps, greasy fried food and permanent over cast drizzle of Mancashire, when you have down there, on your Northern doorstep, the evil Lord Wenger, who plots with the FA swines to do us down - see you! We may be stinking filthy rich, but do ya ken how many nights I go home and cry into my whiskey about the injustice of it all! When I think of poor wee Rio, the pet? Treated so badly, just coz he needed more time for the medicine he takes for his nerves to clear out of his body before his blood test; while the FA cheats are only fining Lord Wenger $400,000 and 9 match suspensions for hurting the feelings and ruffling the hair of our angelic squeeky clean boys! Why I spend more on skin preparations! And shame on you all of ye, gi ye nos a pas yer baster, for thinking there could be any collusion involved in the time it's taken for dear Rio's, or Not- Ronaldo's and Giggly's, charges to come up! Do you think the public are that stupid? Would I be so moronic as to believe that people could be fooled by some juvenile scheme to deflect attention? They know what is behind my words ye chuwters; and it doesn't come out of my racing stables with shovel aw righ!!