Coping with a not so good tryout day

Discussion in 'Girls Youth Soccer' started by BigRedNole, May 13, 2014.

  1. BigRedNole

    BigRedNole Member

    May 5, 2014
    It is midnight and I have been absolutely sick to my stomach. Not because of my daughter, but because of my reaction to her Day 1 tryout. I feel like the absolute worst father in the world. I literally have chills and caused my self to throw up. I did not direct my reaction at her or towards her. After she played with her friends for about 30 minutes after tryouts, we talked about it walking to the car and while driving out to a special daddy/daughter dinner.

    She played up a year as a 7 year old in a U9 development academy. She has done very well, but hit a plateau as the season ended. Yesterday was Day 1 (of 3) for tryouts. The player pool this year is more talented than last year. My daughter had an OK day of tryouts. What she didn't do well is use the skills she has learned in the tryouts. They did 1v1 all day. Defensively, she did perfectly fine. Offensively, is where my reaction came from. She never attempted anything creative. Every attempt was the same thing...dribble straight, turn right to the out of bounds line, and hope to hit a hard angle shot.

    Tomorrow (actually today now) is another day. I have decided I will not watch the last 2 days of tryouts because it is more harmful than good. I will sit in my chair in the shade, talk to the parents from her team over the last year, and relax. What ever happens, happens. We always have a backup plan if the remote possibility is that she doesn't make it as one of the Top 40 players.
     
  2. dcole

    dcole Member+

    May 27, 2005
    You're already beating yourself up, so I won't pile on. I will say, however, is that she is only 7-8 years old, meaning she's a rising U9. This should be her very first tryout, ever, and no one should be expecting her to blow the doors off. She has a LONG runway in front of her. I think your "sit in the shade" plan is a good one. Encourage her to show her skills in a tryout setting, but relax if she doesn't. She'll be just fine, I promise.
     
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  3. Beau Dure

    Beau Dure Member+

    May 31, 2000
    Vienna, VA
    As long as you support her, no matter the outcome, you're far from the worst father in the world.
     
    nicklaino repped this.
  4. BigRedNole

    BigRedNole Member

    May 5, 2014
    I didn't beat her up about it. We talked about it a bit before Day 2 of tryouts yesterday. I asked her to tell me what her goals were. After she told me what she wanted, I explained to her what she needed to do. They separated the girls tops-down yesterday. She was in the next to last group which is borderline making a team. After each set of drills and 2v2, they moved the top 2 girls from a group up one and the bottom 2 down one. This is to see where they start to fall in line. She moved up from the forth group to the second group. If there was another rotation, she would have probably moved up again.

    She had a great day yesterday and it played more to her strengths. Today is the final day of tryouts and will determine which tier team the girls are on. Her supplemental coach was observing her and about 5 others he had trying out. He was very happy with what she did and took note of where he needs to work with her more.

    My daughter quickly realized how bad she really did on the first day when all of her teammates from the previous year were on the higher fields. She buckled down, busted into 2v2 mode, played shut down defense, looked for her pass before taking on the defender, and smoked it yesterday. When they play 5v5 today, she will stand out again. She has no fear and is very aggressive. She will go into the mix to get a ball, take on multiple defenders (lose the ball most of the time, but at least try), and knows when to spread wide and get to open space without the ball.

    The lesson I learned was to not watch the tryouts. Instead, I am sitting in the back, in the shade, with a cooler, and sneaking in rum and coke to pass the time :)
     
    bigredfutbol repped this.
  5. BigRedNole

    BigRedNole Member

    May 5, 2014
    She played up a year in this same academy last year. It is her second tryout. The reaction I had was more on the lines of know what she can do versus what she did do. Everything was back to normal yesterday and I changed my perspective. Bad Dad Syndrome is over.
     
  6. dcole

    dcole Member+

    May 27, 2005
    I understood the part about her playing up last year. That's why I said this "should be" her first experience rather than this "is" her first experience.
     
  7. dcole

    dcole Member+

    May 27, 2005
    #7 dcole, May 14, 2014
    Last edited: May 14, 2014
    I think the lesson to be learned is to see what your child does wrong and help them improve on it, which is what you did. Sounds like you did it the right way, through a conversation where you got her to buy in to it, rather than by telling her how terrible she did and how she's going to suffer/get cut because of it. Your own private thoughts about how her life is going to be ruined are OK and normal (believe it or not). The trick is to try to be rational and to NOT let your kid behind the curtain when you're unable to be rational!
     
  8. BigRedNole

    BigRedNole Member

    May 5, 2014
    Yesterday was the last day of her tryouts. She killed it again. Friends and parents of the other girls that we know all think that she made the top team, not just my biased opinion. The reactions I had on Day 1 became common to many parents last night. The coaches were moving kids up and down teams to see where the girls rank and whether they make it or not. For many, it is their first tryout. I was able to see my reaction on Day 1 to others on Day 3. I think we all agree that they need to serve beer at tryouts to break the stress of parents during tryouts (too bad it is a very strict no alcohol policy).

    The way they moved and grouped the girls yesterday pretty much showed where they stand in the pecking order. They had three 5-girl teams on each field for 5v5 mini games. The top field at the end represented the Top 15 players. When they are only taking 40 players, the top 2 fields compiled 3 of the 4 teams. Parents on the 3rd field are more stressed waiting to see which ones make it. Those on the forth field know their fate already.

    LESSON TO PARENTS
    Let your child succeed of fail on their own. Your only job at tryots is to love and support your child. The fear of losing your love is pressure they should never feel and not have to perform to think they will receive it.
     
  9. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member+

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    I am just wonder why in the world this is so important? She is 7 years old. I cannot imagine what she feels like if she is getting any vibes from you. Not saying that is the case but holy geeze man just enjoy the day - time with her and so on cause you cannot get it back.

    My kid is 8 years old and has been playing serious dev for 2.5 years now. She was playing up u9 but all the u8's got bumped down because we recruited at the u9 level. That team is probably the best in the State - no reason for my u8 to be on it... She's just not at that level.

    Another change was I started pushing as a parent when I saw some of the things you mention. My kid started to play very bad. I went back to "You played great" and "I am so happy I get to watch you play" - even on days she played bad. After a week she started to play very well and consistantly. She's now at the top of the heap for u8 which is fine.

    But it appears that happened because I decided to keep it light and just have a positive attitude.

    Not saying you are not but you do really need to lighten up - they are too young to get all worked up bro!
     
  10. Beau Dure

    Beau Dure Member+

    May 31, 2000
    Vienna, VA
    How do you know the best team in the state at U8? Whoa! We're not even supposed to be doing tryouts until age 12!
     
  11. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member+

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    Our club hires coaches that are good enough to accept all players at this age. I had some of my kids mates come out for a try out and they parents were amayzed they made it after watching.

    I could not tell them that they'll take all the kids at this level.

    At 5,6,7,8,9 parents should not be worried about whether their player makes a team/club but what sort of coaching they will get.

    The worry should be at u10 and up when you have multiple teams. But if your an honest parent and you kid just loves the game you should already know where they need to be. And you kid should by then have the understanding that it's only up to them to push hard to get on top if they want to.
     
  12. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member+

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    I meant u9 and I did say "probably"....

    I have seen the u9's from SLSG/Eclipse/Campton and other clubs. I know there is no ranking - I was simply pointing out that my kid was not at that level which too me justified her and the other u8's being bumped down this year.

    Frankly she is more happy with her u8's.

    As far as I am concerned being happy, learning and loving the game are the ONLY things I'm looking for at this age.

    The rest will come if we can maintain what we have.
     
    Beau Dure repped this.
  13. BigRedNole

    BigRedNole Member

    May 5, 2014
    You have to put it in perspective about your child's desires and goals. From there, you have to weigh options for training available to attain those goals. When your child says their desire is to become the next best player in the US, you do what you can to help achieve those goals. In my area, there are no options for training if you do not make the development level teams. If you don't make it, your option is Recreational soccer which has no training and what many people call the Butterfly Catchers, Rock Kickers, and Nose Pickers. The kids learn nothing and get farther behind their peers. So, it is important to an extent if it is within your child's goals.

    The other option is private lessons to keep up. At $200-$400 a month, it becomes cost prohibitive for most.
     
  14. Beau Dure

    Beau Dure Member+

    May 31, 2000
    Vienna, VA
    OK -- but to look at it the other way, if you don't make a local travel team, that could be a good way of telling you to recalibrate your goals, at least in the short term.

    If you haven't read it already, I recommend checking out "Changing the Game." It's a good read on the reality of what we should expect from our kids. Actually, FOR our kids.

    For my next book, I've been chatting with a bunch of pros about their youth experiences. A lot of them were butterfly catchers and nose pickers at this age.

    Not saying you shouldn't try out (I'm already on record as saying there shouldn't be tryouts, but if they exist, you might as well do them). Just saying there shouldn't be that sort of pressure on your kid. Or you.

    And if you want yet another way of looking at it -- Michael Jordan didn't make varsity basketball as a sophomore. So why worry about it one way or another before these kids even hit puberty? Maybe the other kids she's dominating at this age grow up bigger, stronger and faster, and her edge is gone. Or maybe she struggles for the next season or two but ends up on the national team.
     
  15. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member+

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    If you kid wants to be an astronaut do you move to Florida and send them to NASA school? My point is that you have to be realistic at the age of 7/8. Sure you don't have to tell them the realities but you should know and understand those.

    Another problem is if you have multiple kids. You cannot go 100mph with this one and expect to do the same with others. YOU will burn out. Gotta manage it.

    Private lessons are for kids who's coaches don't know what they are doing - we probably agree on this point.

    Secondly if Dev cuts players then shame on them - NO dev program should cut ANY player who wants to play the game. Sounds like another crapy club throwing the term DEV out there with absolutely no understanding of it.

    Again - if they cut from DEV then it's the wrong club altogether.
     
  16. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member+

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    You know just to add... My top two rec players made the move to our club. They are still considered Dev (U8/U9).

    When one of the mothers got the season schedule she freaked out - stating that they have afamily vacation planned for the first week and asked if she should change that?

    I asked her to stop - take a deep breath and leave everything planned.

    Fact is a good coach/program is not out to develop the greatest players at this age - which sounds like where you are at. Instead a solid Dev program and coach insists that players (again at this age) miss practices and even games at times for birthday parties, religous events and family vacations.

    Coaches in Dev recognize that if you preclude players from growing the other components of child development that they will simply quit the sport altogether.

    So a good "Dev" coach will encourage the development of other components in a childs life because it will help build a well-rounded individual as well as someone who will have a growing passion for the sport.

    Not at u11/u12, all bets are off :)
     
  17. GKparent2019

    GKparent2019 Member

    Jun 10, 2014
    Club:
    --other--
    This sounds like my daughter. We did have option for training in the area but turns out after 2 yrs she out grew it. So we moved on to a club that is 1 hr away from where we live. She is now on a top 20 team in the nation on gotsoccer. yes we have to drive 1 hr to practice and 1 hr home 3 to 4 times a week but you do what you can for your child to live the dreams they have.
    Last yr was her 1st yr on this new team and I can easily say we spent over $5k on soccer last yr. Lots of travel and only going to get more in the next yr or few. She has gotten so much better since going to the new club because of who she practices against and plays against. Something a local club couldn't offer.
    She has gotten a chance to get US National training, which is another thing her old club couldn't offer. US National training is free too. :)
    My Daughter also gets private lessons but not as often as your daughter probably. Make sure who is giving the lessons has the correct background. My daughter gets her private lesson from a former pro player. He played overseas, MLS , coached in the MLS and now works with national teams. So he is not around that much and we were lucky to find him. He is also very good working with children.
    If it is possible you might want to look a little farther away from your home for opportunities for your daughter. I understand it is hard for her to leave her friends but they will understand. If your daughter is good enough the new team will accept her.
     
  18. Beau Dure

    Beau Dure Member+

    May 31, 2000
    Vienna, VA
    Just playing devil's advocate here.

    A. Take gotsoccer with a huge grain of salt. Especially at lower age groups.

    B. What dreams are those?

    Please tell me you're not expecting that money to come back to you in the form of scholarships and pro contracts. There isn't that much money out there.

    Not necessarily a good thing.

    THAT is good. Congratulations.
     
  19. GKparent2019

    GKparent2019 Member

    Jun 10, 2014
    Club:
    --other--
    We understand Gotsoccer is not a good measure but it is the only ranking out there at younger ages.

    My Daughters dreams are playing D1 soccer. She has told us that she wants to play at UNC. We also understand a long shot but not taking any dreams away. She wants to play on US National team also. Another long shot. All these dreams are hers not ours. Never played Soccer, football person. I hate UNC love Duke. My daughter knows this too.

    Not thinking a Scholarship is in her future. We understand that. There is not a lot out there. I just wanted to let BigRedNole understand the possible money that might be spent.

    Her private coach just has a background that may help her get into a college. Since he has the pro background and knows people.
     
  20. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member+

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    I still don't agree with the private training unless is keeper based.

    But the difference here is that it sounds like your daughter is much older then the OP player. So while it's okay for a 12-and up, IMO it's WAY to much for a 8/9 year old.
     
  21. GKparent2019

    GKparent2019 Member

    Jun 10, 2014
    Club:
    --other--
    My Daughter is moving to U13 and she is a GK.
     
  22. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member+

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    Yes - I figured this.

    At that age my daughter was also in GK keeper training and our expense was around $3k (includes uniform/hotels/travel).

    Last year she played NPL as well as with the clubs top league team (excluding ECNL) and did very well but was at times inconsistant. But she found out where she belonged based on the experience and was glad for the opportunities.

    As a result, this Spring she elected to play High School instead of Club where she was the starting keeper for Varisty as a freshmen. The experience has been fantastic - socially and has grown her passion for the sport.

    She's a straigh A student in advanced classes as well - so her future lies in her academics with a spinkle of D2 or D3 soccer in her future most likely.

    We are both VERY happy where she is at.
     
    bigredfutbol repped this.
  23. Beau Dure

    Beau Dure Member+

    May 31, 2000
    Vienna, VA
    OK, if she ends up at Duke, that's fine. :)
     
  24. nicklaino

    nicklaino Member+

    Feb 14, 2012
    Brooklyn, NY
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    I read all of Big Reds posts. You sound like a great parent. Not ever parent s great trust me I know from first hand experience what a bad parent is like.

    From the sound of it I am guessing your daughter made the first team as a back. Now the question is will her coach let the backs attack when her team has the ball?

    I like the idea of having a three day tryout. You can't see a players heart in a one or even a two day tryout.

    Trying out for a team is sort of applying for a job. It takes experience on learning how to do it right. At east you know what her coach likes in a player because she played for him the previous season.

    When you daughter wins the ball. Don't let her be satisfied with making a pass toa team mate, and then watching her team play. Let her continue moving in the flow of the attack. In hope of receiving a return pass or a pass from someone else in the flow of play. Team loses the balk she falls back at least until she gets back behind the ball.

    Now this is the thing. If she plays like this then he tells her not to do it, and stay back. Then he is an amature and she will get used to never attacking after she makes a pass under this coach.

    If that happens might be better off for her game to move to another team in her club. Or seriously look for another club to play on.

    Best regards to you and your daughter. Enjoy fathers day.
     
  25. SoccerCoach101

    SoccerCoach101 New Member

    Jun 8, 2014
    Club:
    CF Rayados de Monterrey
    GOTSoccer rankings use only the tournaments and leagues that use GOTSoccer software to manage their events- thus, if you win a tourney that doesn't = no pts- play in alot of those tourneys= more pts : be the best team in the state that doesn't play enough or the right tourneys - low ranking----- please, it's silly to take rankings seriously- especially across geographic areas - you're ranked X in the country - soccer in Southern Cal is by far better than the rest of the country - 20th best team in LA is probably the 40th best team in the country -

    personal trainers: unless you are 13+ and essentially a youth nat player or close and the goal is to be a professional- 95% of what can be accomplished is the same as going out in the backyard - working out on your own. The problem is that most that use personal trainers don't have the drive to do the work on your own - so you are paying $30-50/ hr for someone to be a wall. Here's my 1 hour training session for you:
    15 minutes - kicking against a wall: in 3 minute intervals
    1) 1 touch - either foot
    2) 2 touch - right foot only
    3) 2 touch - left foot only
    4) 2 touch- right to left foot
    5) 2 touch - left to right foot
    15 minutes juggling: if can't juggle more than 4 - then let it bounce in between touches - if can juggle more than 100, similar restrictions to above to challenge the player
    15 minutes: dribbling with different patterns - different turns - different feints
    15 minutes: striking shots against the wall and then controlling the rebound - same - different variations

    Do you have a dog? try dribbling and keeping the ball away from him-

    I can give you my address to send a check to.

    if you child will do that - you don't need a trainer - if your child refuses to go out on their own, you don't need a trainer.

    there's a reason that latin countries have the best players at the world cup and in the European leagues-
    somehow they did it without personal trainers.

    by someone who's been paid to be a wall in the past
     
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