An MLS to Please the American base

Discussion in 'MLS: Commissioner - You be The Don' started by JCUnited, Oct 27, 2011.

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  1. JCUnited

    JCUnited Member

    Oct 7, 2002
    South Bend, IN
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Since any idea that might be used anywhere else in the world will automatically get you called a Euro-snob, let's just go all out and Americanize the heck out of MLS!

    I say call in NSL. National Soccer League.

    Now, we hate those Euro names. Can't have a non-American soccer name in an American soccer league.

    So rebrand 'em again!

    NATIONAL CONFERENCE:
    New England Revolution (we can keep it, it's American sounding)
    Chicago Bears Soccer Team (Fire is too close to European, so just go with the NFL team name; also it can't be an FC, so here we go with Soccer Team)
    Columbus Crewsers (Crew by itself is too Eastern Europe, but add the "sers" at the end, and it's more American)
    Toronto Maplenauts Soccer Team (Can't just go Argonaut, because that's not American enough, so combine the Maple Leafs with the Argonauts)
    Houston Texan-Houstoners (Nothing more American than Texas, except doubling down on the Texas in the nickname)
    Washington DC National Senator Congressmen (Can't offend the Native Americans, so we'll just combine the two other American names. plus what's more DC than a National Senator?)
    New York Bulls (Hey, Bulls is American and masculine!)
    Kansas City Tornadoes (Fits with that Wizard of Oz theme much better than Wizards ever did)
    Philadelphia Union Labels (risk offending the right wing, but Look for the Union Label is very American)

    AMERICAN CONFERENCE
    Los Angeles Galaxy Warriors (Galaxy? Kinda stupid and unAmerican. Galaxy Warriors? that's tough)
    San Francisco Natural Disasters (San Jose isn't American enough, but San Fran is-they have NFL and MLB; Natural Disasters is even more destructive than just an earthquake)
    Los Angeles American Goats (CD Chivas USA just isn't feasible)
    Denver Rocky Mountains (need I even say more)
    Dallas Ranchers Soccer Team (Ranchers! Texas!)
    Seattle SuperHawks (again, just combine the two NFL-NBA names to get a really awesome American name)
    Portland Lumberjacks (Timbers? Too vague. America spells it out)
    Salt Lake Mormons (Again, got to make it obvious)
    Vancouver Foreigners (Hey, they are!)

    Now, for the playoffs, we just got to copy the NFL more. So, you can only make the playoffs if your NFL franchise made it that past season. Regular season shouldn't really mean anything except getting to the post season. If you don't have an NFL franchise, you move to the MLB playoffs.

    Goals will count for seven points now. No ties, but if tied at end of game, we go to the penalty kicks because Americans actually like those.

    No yellow cards or red, just ten yard penalties.

    Each half is divided into 15 minute quarters

    5 timeouts and 3 20-second timeouts per team per quarter

    If you win the MLS Cup, you must swap rosters with whichever team finished last. PLUS, they get to draft two players for every one of yours to level the field.

    Tackling is allowed. Shoulder pads and helmets are not optional.

    If it does go to PK's, each team is allowed one Designated Kicker to take the place of a player. Fouls in the box are worth two PK's.

    Of course, no offsides. And no goalkeepers.

    Now we've got a soccer league! But we can't call it soccer, so we'll go with Fake Football. The National Fake Football League. NFFL. AND, bonus, it's close enough to NFL that it might fool some people into watching!

    Unlimited subs.
     
  2. JCUnited

    JCUnited Member

    Oct 7, 2002
    South Bend, IN
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Don't worry, the US Open Cup will be gone. Too European. Not American.

    It will be replaced with the Cup Challenge Series, or CCS.

    Teams will be ranked by computers, and the final will be determined by a computer. Every NFFL team will play a lower league team, and the computer will decide which two should play for the CCS National Championship Trophy.
     
  3. JCUnited

    JCUnited Member

    Oct 7, 2002
    South Bend, IN
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Sorry, but MLS Cup is too European too.

    The NFFL championship game will be called the NFFL Final Bowl Series World Championship. Best of seven. And the winner gets the Statue of Liberty Bell Trophy. It'll be the Statue of Liberty holding the Liberty bell up, like that World Cup trophy guy holds up the globe.
     
  4. Jewelz510

    Jewelz510 Member+

    Feb 19, 2011
    Bay Area
    Club:
    San Jose Earthquakes
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    So another one has jumped off the cliff...

    I know you were trying to make a point there... but it got lost amid all the stupidity.

    Don't get frustrated with the BigSoccer community. If they don't like your suggestions, either A) try again, or B) go f*ck yourself. Don't need your condescending attitude.
     
  5. Achowat

    Achowat Member+

    Mar 21, 2011
    Revere, MA
    Club:
    New England Revolution
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Your idea has some merit. Well, no it doesn't, but there should be at least some discussion as to whether MLS should err more towards the side of 'Soccer' (single table, home-away, home-away cup games, multiple concurrent competitions, pro/rel) or more to the side of 'America' (divisions, conferences, playoffs, draft picks, trades, free agents, franchises)

    Your idea is terrible, but it does bring up this discussion, which would be nice to engage in
     
  6. JasonMa

    JasonMa Member+

    Mar 20, 2000
    Arvada, CO
    Club:
    Colorado Rapids
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    He was? I thought he was just being a jerk. :rolleyes:
     
  7. JCUnited

    JCUnited Member

    Oct 7, 2002
    South Bend, IN
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    That was the point.

    See, MLS fans bring up ideas on the thread where You are the Commissioner. Now, they know these ideas won't happen (most of them at least), but this is a forum designed to encourage a little imagination.

    BUT!

    If you dare post something that you know won't happen, but would like to see someday, people jump on your ass as if you have no right. You get called Euro-snob. Hell, Wowsa posted a whole thread about what nobody is allowed to post because he doesn't like it. As if he's the god of a forum which is, by it's very title, open to letting people get CREATIVE rather than REALISTIC.

    See, at this point, Don Garber and crew have been getting it right. MLS 2011 was far superior to MLS 2001. We are moving in the right direction. But if you follow Wowsa's little demagogue post, there's really not much left.

    SO!

    What is the point of this forum then? If you can't open up the mind and think outside the current MLS box, what is the point of "You Be The Don"?

    Of course my idea is stupid. It's meant to be. But MLS went the "Americanize" route in 1996, and it wasn't working. Fans left, teams folded, attendance flat-lined. Now we have a league that is more traditional soccer then Americanized, and it's slowly gaining a foothold. If so many get their panties in an uproar because something is in anyway "European", I just went the complete opposite route. I amped up the Ameri-snobbery.

    If'n some can't take a sarcastic rebuttal to a very common thread (The whole Euro-snob thing is so outdated it's sad to even see humans with brains typing it out) on these boards, then they can (1) ignore it or (2) go f themselves.

    To Summarize--yeah, this was an asshole-ish thread. But mine was asshole-ish in a sarcastic manner to make a minor point. Many on here are assholes simply because that's who they are.
     
  8. Achowat

    Achowat Member+

    Mar 21, 2011
    Revere, MA
    Club:
    New England Revolution
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    And for every new idea there is a portion of the posters on this thread, myself included, who will ask you to dig deeper. Don't just tell me what you want to do, tell me how it's going to work. Let's together, in a discussion, go over the pro/cons. Let's have a conversation.

    You Be The Don is not for the faint of heart
     
  9. HailtotheKing

    HailtotheKing Member+

    San Antonio FC
    United States
    Dec 1, 2008
    TEXAS
    Club:
    San Antonio Scorpions FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    [​IMG]

    But seriously though, we ask "how" ... and nobody can answer that question.

    I mean what, the Don isn't questioned in real life ?

    Puff the Magic Dragon is a cartoon, not reality.

    If you want to have a "farting rainbows, puppy dog turds, and pure unbridled fantasyland" forum, petition for it. This one though is right on target. People come in here and post shit as what they'd do if they were the Don. Some of us come in here and ask them the hard questions as if they were. Not our fault they've got nothing when confronted ...
     
  10. ceezmad

    ceezmad Member+

    Mar 4, 2010
    Chicago
    Club:
    Chicago Red Stars
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Chicago Bears Soccer Club?

    That is European.

    I mean how many

    New Jersey Nets Basketball Club, Dallas Cowboys Football Club, LA Dodgers Baseball Clubs do you see?

    Maybe the Chicago FireDogs! :p
     
  11. ThreeApples

    ThreeApples Member+

    Jul 28, 1999
    Smurf Village
    Club:
    San Jose Earthquakes
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Uh, nearly every US sports team has an official name in that format.
     
  12. ceezmad

    ceezmad Member+

    Mar 4, 2010
    Chicago
    Club:
    Chicago Red Stars
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Really? Clubs?

    I will have to get back to you on that, that would be news to me.
     
  13. Achowat

    Achowat Member+

    Mar 21, 2011
    Revere, MA
    Club:
    New England Revolution
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Remember, MLS is in the second tier of sports league, with indoor football and Lacrosse. Chi-Town FlameHounds
     
  14. JasonMa

    JasonMa Member+

    Mar 20, 2000
    Arvada, CO
    Club:
    Colorado Rapids
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    [​IMG]
     
  15. HailtotheKing

    HailtotheKing Member+

    San Antonio FC
    United States
    Dec 1, 2008
    TEXAS
    Club:
    San Antonio Scorpions FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
  16. ceezmad

    ceezmad Member+

    Mar 4, 2010
    Chicago
    Club:
    Chicago Red Stars
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
  17. Achowat

    Achowat Member+

    Mar 21, 2011
    Revere, MA
    Club:
    New England Revolution
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    If MLS was XLS:

    New England Nitro
    Empire State Emperors
    Philly Rattlers
    Washington Screaming Eagles
    Columbus Xanta Marriaz
    Chi-Town FlameHoundz
    Kansas City Twistaa
    Houston Dynamo
    Dallas Burnz
    Colorado Cannibals
    Salt Lake Lake Monsters (Not the Salt Lake Monsters...the Salt Lake, Lake Monsters)
    Los Angeles Galaxy
    CD Chupacabra USA
    San-Ho Earthquakes
    Portland Ax-Men
    Seattle SuperSounders

    Canada is immune from the XLS treatment
     
  18. ThreeApples

    ThreeApples Member+

    Jul 28, 1999
    Smurf Village
    Club:
    San Jose Earthquakes
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    TM just means the name is a registered trademark. The Cubs are an exception to the basic format, as their official name is "Chicago National League Ball Club".
     
  19. song219

    song219 BigSoccer Supporter

    Apr 5, 2004
    La Norte
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    Vanuatu
    We can outfit them like this.

    [​IMG]
     
  20. 4door

    4door Member+

    Mar 7, 2006
    Chicago
    Club:
    Chicago Fire
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Do you have any idea how quickly I would buy a Chi-Town FlameHoundz jersey? Me and the kids would be chucking hot dogs at the CD Chupacabra players during every time out.
     
  21. triplet1

    triplet1 BigSoccer Supporter

    Jul 25, 2006
    Speaking only for myself, I think it is a place to exchange ideas -- to have not just a conversation, but a debate. And here, you can advance as fanciful a proposition as you wish.

    But . . .

    having said that, in any debate, I think you'll find that the status quo is usually presumed to be acceptable until it is proven otherwise. That's especially true here because MLS is apparently thriving.

    You want changes to MLS? Fine, let's hear your proposal. But remember, the argumentative burden of proof lies with you. You have to make a case. What's the benefit? How could it be done? Does it outweigh the risk of messing up a good thing?

    And if you don't or can't answer those questions, well, as others have said, this isn't intended to be for the faint of heart.
     
  22. JCUnited

    JCUnited Member

    Oct 7, 2002
    South Bend, IN
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Reread my post. I said Chicago Bears Soccer TEAM, not club.
     
  23. JCUnited

    JCUnited Member

    Oct 7, 2002
    South Bend, IN
    Club:
    Manchester United FC

    I posted one way that MLS could do a "relegation" like thing and offered my reasoning behind it. The thread is on this forum. First responses were basically along the lines of "Euro-snob" crap. How is that helpful debate?

    Look, many Bigsoccer posters would love promotion/relegation. Many hate the idea. My little theory would have given the relegation lovers something akin to relegation (i.e., a consequence for finishing last) WITHOUT being an actual relegation of a club to a lower division, seeing as we know that is not feasible.

    Is it the greatest idea ever? No. But it's something realistic. And I don't think a team losing their first round draft pick would doom them to a irrevocable failure forever. Financially, it is not going to crush any club or the league. I'd love to have a debate on the topic. But there was no actual debate up to last night. It was Euro-snob this, and why must we punish that, and protect parity blah blah blah.

    The problem is, so many are conditioned to react a certain way to any changes from the "American Standard Sporting League" ways, that anything posted different from it are immediately attacked, rather then debated. Hence my hubris at the Wowsa thread on what is not allowed.

    And, in conclusion, I do love that some are getting into the spirit of the sarcasm here.
     
  24. triplet1

    triplet1 BigSoccer Supporter

    Jul 25, 2006
    Honestly, I don't think your proposal had much to do with simulating relegation at all -- relegation and promotion are inexorably linked. Yes, their are consequences for the under achievers, but it's not really "punishment" as much as it is awarding their spot to a team that's shown itself to be potentially more deserving. Your plan, as you say, is really just about not rewarding the worst teams in each conference with the highest pick. You hope that these consequences spur teams to compete more vigorously, but that seems unlikely, as many said.

    Do you really think there are no consequences for teams that perform poorly now? Even in MLS, history suggests managers and general managers of bad teams lose their jobs, poor players are cut and, if losing continues long enough, the teams themselves suffer at the gate. All of these consequences seem much more severe -- and thus provide a lot more incentive to continue to play hard -- than the prospect of the loss of a first round draft pick IMO.

    Now, certainly every league with a draft has considered whether it's wise to automatically reward the worst team with the highest draft pick -- whether that provides a perverse incentive to underachieve once the playoffs are unobtainable. That's a fair question, but that's not the question you really asked. At least, I don't see where you provided any examples where you think teams have tanked their seasons intentionally.

    So, what's the problem? You want to simulate relegation, but without promotion it's simply punishment.

    What would it change? It's far from clear that it would change anything.

    Which is why people responded (perhaps too harsly) as they did IMO.
     
  25. CoconutMonkey

    CoconutMonkey Member

    Aug 3, 2010
    Japan
    Club:
    Chicago
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Can't speak for all teams in the country, but it seems like it was pretty common back in the day.

    The Chicago Bears are a professional American football team based in Chicago, Illinois. They are members of the North Division of the National Football Conference (NFC) in the National Football League (NFL). The team is legally and corporately registered as Chicago Bears Football Club, Incorporated.
    -From Wikipedia
     

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