Leaving Las Vegas... Southwest Style

Discussion in 'The Beautiful Game' started by The Devil's Architect, Sep 1, 2007.

  1. The Devil's Architect

    Feb 10, 2000
    The American Steppe
    Club:
    Chicago Fire
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Southwest Airlines - The Official Airline of Hell.

    [​IMG]

    This is officially the last time I fly the Greyhound of the Skies. Wait, check that, I will fly SWA again if I get to fly a cargo flight, otherwise no. On a cargo flight, you don't have listen to the ****** who complained to the SWA employees about you getting to board before she does because you got jacked off your flight because of poor flight schedu...errr, mechanical problems, and got thrown 2 terminals over to the inbound Vegas flight, stopping over at Phoenix. Lady, you're pretty lucky you had the good sense not to backsass the chick in front of me after she shut your stupid ass down because it was pretty clear she'd also had enough of SWA's transfer shenanigans too and the only thing that was keeping her from beating you down was the fact that she didn't want to get the Equate brand hand lotion you appeared to have smeared all over yourself, all over her.

    You had some balls though, once you finally did board and begged Shannon or whatever the name was of the less than pleased to be there flight attendant that had to swap planes with us, to help you with your Glad garbage ba...errrr luggage and you squeezed your way down the aisle. I guess that's what all the lotion was for.

    All in all, it's not the getting packed into the not so spacious fuselage of a 737 like a couple hundred head of feeder cattle in a bull wagon on the way to slaughter, that I can handle. It's the "We don't give a damn, Mr. 10Shirt" attitude that permeates your airline. The "hey, we just made an extra five grand on this flight by slamming two passenger lists together and bumping the odd clown out, while making you 2 hours late, Mr. 10Shirt." Still though, I don't blame Shannon all that much for being surly, after having to spend twelve hours in the air, smiling and being courteous to people she'd rather push out the cargo door while her co-flight attendant, "Syndi" (who happens to look like some sort of cross between Judith Light on a 3 week meth bender and Miss October 1989 trying in vain to look like could still pass for 40) is trying to set up a in-flight tryst in the tail section. And I'm not talking about the tail section of the plane.

    Still though, it was rather kind of you to hook all of us up who were on the outbound Vegas flight with free liquor. Not only did it make me not care about how crappy the flight was with the guy who dropped the napalm for Col. Kilgore in Apocalypse Now, locked into the cockpit trying to dodge thunderstorms, but it made those Phoenix passengers pretty unhappy that they had to pay for bucks a pop for their Heinekens while I was 3 sheets to the wind by the time we landed, all for free.

    [​IMG]

    Now, Southwest, if it's not too much trouble, next time I fly, I'm gonna need a row just for me and the only thing I want to hear is Shannon giggling at pretty much everything I say while she sits next to me and keeps handing me Heinekens for the whole flight. And there aren't going to be any useless stops to pick up people who can't be bothered to drive from Vegas to Phoenix.

    Now, on to the Wednesday games

    Kansas City 1 - 3 RSL

    Yup, I blew that one. Who knew these rejects from Argentina were going to play that hard? I guess getting a paycheck that cashes every week and not having to worry about some lunatic fan kidnapping your kids provides all kinds of incentive to bust your hump for the new team.


    Pachuca 1 - 1 Galaxy - (Pachuca 4 - 3 Galaxy on penalties)


    Well I would say that I got this one right, but not because Pachuca played like a team that won a game. Hell, if anything, the Galaxy lost that game more than Pachuca won it. Joe Cannon, who's been shelled like Iwo Jima in league play turned in what should have been a cleansheet, stopping a couple dozen scoring chances by Pachuca, most of which were point blank or 1 v 1. But hey, you can only do so much when Backpass Pete Vagenas (pronounced "douchebag") put in a own goal beauty to the near post and bulges the ol' onion bag for Pachuca.

    Personally, I had pretty much written LA off until Chris Klein managed to somehow find himself in the goal area, back to goal with the best opportunity ever to bike a shot on goal, and somehow he buried it, getting Backpass Pete off the hook. That is until he managed have his penalty saved on the first round by the Pachuca keeper. even the decrepit Cobi Jones managed to sneak his shot into the net. Meanwhile, all that did was put the pressure on Donovan to finish his penalty he never should have had to take and his OCD fueled pre-PK ritual finally failed him, leaving it all on the shoulders of a 500 year old Portuguese defender with a taste for blow and hair dye, where he failed after keeping LA in the game for what seemed like 900 minutes.

    I guess the really hard questions need to be asked of coach Yallop are:
    1. Why was Pete Vagenas starting?
    2. Why was Pete Vagenas left in the game after scoring an own goal that resembled a fix?
    3. Why was Pete Vagenas taking a PK after 120+ minutes of soccer?
    If the answer is anything other than "Pete has pictures of me with a Tijuana Mule..." then not only should Backpass Pete wake up in the USL 2 after a soap party, but you need to be canned too, along with that redheaded clown you have as a General Manager. I actually think Lalas was the inspiration for the Circus Circus sign in Vegas.

    And now for the rest of Week 22:


    Chicago Fire @ Givesyouwings FC:


    Well, it doesn't really matter if either Conway or Watterus start in goal, because neither of them can stop a determined offense with the crap line they have in front of them, especially if Reyna is playing. Reyna and Watterus as DP's have been the biggest disappointments of that designated player class with Reyna always having some sort of groin problem and Watterus apparently having the same strain of "Dutch Ankle Disease" that ended John O'Brien's career.

    Chicago Fire 3 - 1 Givesyouwings FC


    Dallas at DC United:

    Can one great Brazilian cancel out DC's two Brazilian signings? Most likely and FC Elsie skates along to a comfortable win with Emilio likely out for DC, keeping United from pulling even with the Revs.

    FC Elsie 2 - 0 DC


    KC at Houston


    Two tired and battered teams. This one has Nil-Nil written all over it like a Kappa Sig pledge that had the dumb luck to pass out from alcohol poisoning in front of his pledge brothers. There's an off chance that Eddie Johnson gets open just enough to get one past Onstand in a game that has to carry a warning label about mixing with alcohol or driving or operating heavy machinery.

    KC 1 - 0 FC Amigo Energy


    RSL at FC Trainwreck


    Finally! FINALLY! For the God the HDNet blackout serves it's purpose by sparing 99% of the TV viewing public from having to watch RSL and their new troupe of Argies take what's left of the Galaxy apart limb by limb. Sadly for the Galaxy, Backpass Pete won't suffer a season ending injury, but one of Cobi, Xavier or Donovan probably will, given the Curse of Lalas

    RSL 3 - o Galaxy.


    Colorado at Columbus


    Two teams fighting for the honor of being first out of the playoffs at the hands of either Houston or FC Dallas. Last week the Crew managed to hold Houston to a draw and Colorado beat the hell out of LA, which really hasn't been much of an accomplishment over the last couple of seasons. So your post college football Saturday treat is a Nil-Nil draw.

    Colorado 0 - 0 Columbus


    MM10S
     
  2. Sachsen

    Sachsen Member+

    Aug 8, 2003
    Broken Arrow, Okla.
    Club:
    Sporting Kansas City
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Wow. Your writing exhausts me. I feel like I've been through the wringer and I haven't even flown Southwest in years.
     
  3. CLEATS

    CLEATS New Member

    May 2, 2005
    More great bedtime reading.:D
     
  4. Sinter

    Sinter New Member

    Oct 12, 2003
    New York City, U.S.A
    Club:
    New York Red Bulls
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Watterus isn't a DP, also I'm going to have to disagree with most of your predicitons this week.
     
  5. bzygo

    bzygo New Member

    Mar 24, 2007
    Alief (Houston), Tx
    Club:
    AS Roma
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    One of the benefits of living in Houston is that you get the SWA prices but the service of Continental - I love SWA because they keep Continental's prices honest.

    BTW, K.C. 0 - 1 Houston
     
  6. JasonMa

    JasonMa Member+

    Mar 20, 2000
    Arvada, CO
    Club:
    Colorado Rapids
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Because Dallas has done such a good job dumping Colorado out of the playoffs ever. :rolleyes:
     
  7. The Devil's Architect

    Feb 10, 2000
    The American Steppe
    Club:
    Chicago Fire
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    There are benefits to living Houston?
     
  8. bbsbt

    bbsbt Member+

    Feb 26, 2003
    HA! Bye week for NE.
    Ohhh, it must pain you to be denied another chance for you to slam on the Revs again!!

    How sweet! :D
     
  9. CLEATS

    CLEATS New Member

    May 2, 2005
    He'll make up for it next week.His pick- DC 10- NE 0.

    Five goals by Ben Olsen.:D
     
  10. Y2Kyle

    Y2Kyle New Member

    Sep 2, 2007
    Good luck matey!
     
  11. spongey

    spongey Member

    Feb 23, 2007
    SF
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Get a shrink. . .
     
  12. bzygo

    bzygo New Member

    Mar 24, 2007
    Alief (Houston), Tx
    Club:
    AS Roma
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Yep
     
  13. Mick7184

    Mick7184 New Member

    Jan 21, 2007
    Franklin, Mass
    Club:
    New England Revolution
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    In-depth soccer writing. Bravo.
     
  14. The Devil's Architect

    Feb 10, 2000
    The American Steppe
    Club:
    Chicago Fire
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Doesn't matter. I'll get the joy of dissecting your team's MLS Cup choke.

    Hopefully followed by a alcohol fueled traffic accident.

    More than one school/employer has sent me out for psych eval, hoping for an excuse to expell/fire me, only to get back an A+ report

    Can I get a flow chart on that?

    Thanks, Mick.
     
  15. bzygo

    bzygo New Member

    Mar 24, 2007
    Alief (Houston), Tx
    Club:
    AS Roma
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bzygo
    Yep

    Can I get a flow chart on that?


    If I have to explain, you wouldn't understand.
     
  16. TheSlipperyOne

    TheSlipperyOne Member+

    Feb 29, 2000
    Denver
    Club:
    Arsenal FC
    I haven't had a problem with Southwest in years.

    Just a month ago when I flew it I checked in on-line the night before so I was in the first group and didn't even have to worry about getting bumped.
     
  17. Bill Schmidt

    Bill Schmidt BigSoccer Supporter

    Aug 3, 2003
    Washington, DC
    Club:
    Real Madrid
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Wow. :)
     
  18. Eric B

    Eric B Member

    Feb 21, 2000
    the LBC
    Club:
    Los Angeles Galaxy
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    It's not Oklahoma?

    As for Backpass Pete, his ability to actually be gainfully employed as a professional soccer player goes beyond just having incriminating photos, because we Galaxy fans have been wondering the same thing through both the Sigi and Sampson regimes. Either he has the power of suggestion capable of enticing anyone into a certain photo booth on Avaenida Revolucion, or it's something much, more more sinister...
     

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