Crew Seasonology

Discussion in 'Columbus Crew' started by Eggy, Jun 8, 2008.

  1. Eggy

    Eggy New Member

    May 28, 1999
    CBUS
    I would just like to point out to newer Crew fans about the actual structure of a Crew season. It can help you to break down the actual parts of a season so you know what to expect and successfully avoid any fan-emotion related incidents.

    Part 1. Preseason links to some exoticaly named players. Expect a call from hangthadj telling you that the Crew will win the cup. (Phone must be on at 2am to receieve this phone call).

    Part 2. A couple good individual performances to bring some optimism. Phrases such as "Now all we need is a good <insert suspect field position>". This is a key phase where you can talk rationally about strategic options. Every fan of course is an expert at this phase.

    Part 3. The distance between part 2 and part 3 vary, however bad results mixed with injuries become common. Fan conversation turns onto "We need just one more <insert position> and once <insert player> becomes healthy again we can expect playoffs."

    Part 4. Losing streak. Blame the coach. Find a minimum of one player as a scapegoat for bad results. Attendance goes down. Heavy drinking.

    Part 5. Losing streak continues. Inter-fan fighting begins. Neither of you have any qualifications in strategy or identifying talent however, it does not stop you from burning bridges with other fans over criticism of goal scorers and defenders. Now is a good time to question someones fan-hood and enquire about how long they have been going to Crew games. Continue abuse of coach.

    Part 6. Apathy ensues. At this point some fans will enjoy losing more than winning because it gives them an open invitation to use this message board as a place to write a ridiculously long rant (like this one) about what has gone wrong season after season.

    Part 7. Talk about next season and who we will get once <coaching or playing staff> is gone. *MLS season still has a few months to run.

    Part 8. Season ends.
     
  2. POdinCowtown

    POdinCowtown Member+

    Jan 15, 2002
    Columbus
    Good summary. We should also remember the false hope phase where the team puts together a stretch of good games. This enables the optimists to point to this stretch as evidence of what the team really can play like. The pessimists will note the opponent had already clinched, was missing their stars for national duty, red cards, injuries, etc.

    The 2005 false hope stretch came when Bob took over. In 2006 we didn't even get the common courtesy of a false hope reacharound. In 2007 we had a stretch in June then crashed out of playoff contention. We did win the last two matches of the year on the road vs good teams. This year it seems to have come at the beginning of the season.
     
  3. TheImposter

    TheImposter Member

    Jun 15, 2002
    Centerville, OH
    Club:
    Arsenal FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Not. Enough. Rep. In. The. World.
     
  4. OU9601

    OU9601 Member

    Jul 12, 2003
    Lancaster, Ohio
    We should just about be to part 5, which is always been my favorite. Of course, we could be in part 5, because you don't know until you get to the next part that you've been in the previous part.

    Everybody rep Eggy.
     
  5. DAFCrew

    DAFCrew Member+

    Feb 27, 2007
    Terre Haute, Indiana
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Not nearly enough.

    Don't forget that which goes hand-in-hand with the heavy drinking. There is a form of self-loathing that accompanies the unfounded optimism. This may take different forms with each individual. In my case, for instance, I'm more hungover than I should be this late into the afternoon, and yet I'm already somehow convincing myself that the roadtrip to Peoria could somehow prove rewarding.

    I know that we'll get spanked in Peoria. I realize that the following Saturday vs the Wizards may be embarassing. And yet, hope somehow springs eternal, because these knee injuries may not be so bad after all, Guille will return to form any day now, Gaven is due for a good stretch, and ref's will - all of a sudden - begin protecting Rogers the way they do Beckham and Captain Forehead, and Ekpo is a diamond in the rough.

    It could happen . . . Am I an idiot, or what?
     
  6. THOMA GOL

    THOMA GOL BigSoccer Supporter

    Jul 16, 1999
    Frontier
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Where does the start of Buckeye gridiron fit into things?
     
  7. namesaregone

    namesaregone Member

    Jul 12, 2007
    Cleveland
    Club:
    Celtic FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Last night at about 10 PMish....:rolleyes:
     
  8. TimD

    TimD Member

    Aug 9, 1999
    Columbus, Ohio, U.S.
    All sad but true. The only thing different is that this season we haven't been made to sit through absolute crap weather to be tortured.
     
  9. General Disarray

    General Disarray Legendary

    Jul 7, 2005
    Columbus
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    HA! it's the 8 step program...."Hi, my name is Billy and I am a Crewoholic"
     
  10. GeneralLongstreet

    Mar 22, 2007
    town full of losers
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    this brings to mind a Notebook from Sirk.."the passion of the crew." I can't remember if it was in that one or another where he coined the term "crewsphyixiation." In any case, any chance of this being a good summer is shot. I'm shooting for full blown alcoholism by tuesday.
     
  11. TimD

    TimD Member

    Aug 9, 1999
    Columbus, Ohio, U.S.
    "Crewholic" tah's absolutely perfect. And yes I'm drunk.
     
  12. Dave Brull

    Dave Brull Member

    Mar 9, 2001
    Mayfield Hts, Ohio
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Step 9 - Post-Season - Ruminate furiously over the numerous rumors of who the Crew are going to sign. Continue to be surprised when no one is actually signed. Wait anxiously for Draft. One hour after draft, castigate draft picks, general managers, the college athletic system, Title IX, NCAA, Gen AD, and Developmental system. Spend sweat-drenched angst-ridden hours investigating websites desperately trying to translate articles in foreign newspapers in attempts to glean when a Crew player is saying what and to whom. Cry bitter tears when your realize Google does not translate the obscure sub-Saharan dialect of your mid-fielder leaving you ignorant to the fact that everything he was quoted as saying was either invented or taken furlongs out of context. Praise virtues of your new Regionalliga Nord winger. One week before season: Hope springs anew. See step one.
     
  13. KHT_Crew

    KHT_Crew Member+

    Mar 29, 2003
    Queen City, OH
    I think one step was forgotten....

    7b. Once eliminated from playoff contention, the Crew improve their performance in the last game(s). This lays down the foundation for next season's cycle and can usually be spotted by certain phrases like "We need to carry this through to the start of next year." or "Why didn't <Insert Young Player's Name Here> get more playing time this year? He should definitely be starting over <Usual Starting Player Here>."
     
  14. CrewSchmack

    CrewSchmack Member

    Columbus Crew SC
    United States
    Mar 3, 1999
    Delaware, OH
    This is great stuff...almost as good as the five stages of drinking.
     
  15. HardHatMike

    HardHatMike DOOOOOOOOM!

    Traktor Nebraska
    Aug 31, 2005
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Appropriate every year around this time:

    [youtube]ND6iSRlG5m0[/youtube]

    "I wanna bite someone in the face" pretty much sums up where we're at right now.
     
  16. HardHatMike

    HardHatMike DOOOOOOOOM!

    Traktor Nebraska
    Aug 31, 2005
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Necroposting this for a reason. Everyone needs to look at the date of the first post, re-read it, and calm the f-ck down.
     
  17. HuntKop

    HuntKop Moderator
    Staff Member

    Sep 15, 2002
    Sulla mia Vespa
    Club:
    ACF Fiorentina
    Nat'l Team:
    Italy
    I recall this well. The original post made me laugh. A lot.

    Now, looking back, it's pretty amazing where we went last season. I think we all remember this magical run that seemed to encompass the whole year but this shows in fact what we had (a good season, with ups and downs, and an incredible, timely run at the end of the season).

    Thanks Mike.
     
  18. TimD

    TimD Member

    Aug 9, 1999
    Columbus, Ohio, U.S.
    Glad you pointed that out HHM I was confused. I kept looking at the posting dates and going 'hey wait that's 2008, maybe I'm misreading the dates or something'. Yes the first part of the season was a bumpy ride.
     
  19. CrewDust

    CrewDust Member

    May 6, 1999
    Columbus, Ohio
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    What step is calming down?
     
  20. General Disarray

    General Disarray Legendary

    Jul 7, 2005
    Columbus
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    a couple of pints usually does the trick for me :D
     
  21. Ch(Elsey)

    Ch(Elsey) Member+

    Columbus Crew
    United States
    May 2, 2003
    Green, Ohio
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I remember this thread... What the ******** happened to Eggy?
     
  22. 9 Rush

    9 Rush Member

    Sep 9, 2004
    C'bus
    ...married Bernardo. Or a Russian chick. Can't remember which.
     
  23. hangthadj

    hangthadj Member+

    A.S. Roma
    Mar 27, 2001
    Zone 14
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    He gave up booze, went vegan, and joined a straight edge hardcore cover band.

    Right now he's probably spinning some Minor Threat records.
     
  24. CrewDust

    CrewDust Member

    May 6, 1999
    Columbus, Ohio
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Moved to Pakistan.
     
  25. Draghignazzo

    Draghignazzo Member+

    Feb 24, 2007
    Columbus
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Abducted by Canadians. They say they will make a trade for Bill Archer.
     

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