I would be interested in hearing stories of your worse season ever and I don't mean your record but what happened in your interaction with other coaches, board, parents or player(s) Here's Mine: I have been doing this since 2001 so I have a pretty good feel and routine for girls soccer. Been to a couple of championships, won a few tournaments and even had straight losing seasons. This spring season I decided to combine some great playing girls from two different AYSO regions to form a select team that were not chosen as all-stars but definitely had talent and loved the game. Love of the game was first priority. I saddled up with a winning Hispanic coach from the other region and we then invited 6 and 6 players each side. I was shocked to see all the girls from different socio-economic backgrounds and race melt and play so well together but I learned one important rule. Never co-coach with anyone. There needs to be ONE head coach and all the rest are assistants. While this coach was really good at training he lost track of what is important to 12U girls and that is ... Fun. Without going into too much detail this guy changed uniforms on me, changed the line-up on game day, favored his daughter in almost every turn of the game on and off the field, fired a player after one game in without having an alternate team for her (after inviting her). He wouldn't commit with me to any tournaments which I think in his head he wasn't going to go unless he knew he had a chance at the win. When other teams would form an after-game tent to run through he would yell out "we don't to that bullcrap." I must have received four different complaints from parents who thought their daughters were not getting enough play time or were playing the same position the entire game. Even though I would have frank talks with the guy he reverted to behind our back tactics. He even showed the girls a couple of dirty tactics. Five games into the season he has an on-field meeting with the parents telling them the league and him don't have the same philosophy and that he was going to never return after the season. In my head, I am thinking "problem solved." One of the problems I had was that if I asked this guy to leave the team he would take a few of "his" girls with him and leave us shorted. So I have just chalked this one up to experience. One time a coach told me bluntly "you don't need assistant coaches, they just get in the way." Yet, I have never dealt with anything or anyone like this guy. I guess he's been getting away with this type of coaching for quite some time bringing along the same few girls as he develops them. It's just not my style... I can usually get the wins without getting so serious about this game.
I have never had a "bad" season. I have co-coached U-Littles with others twice (once we had a 3-way partnership). In both cases, the other coaches were either licensed coaches or former college athletes (or both). These coaches also had the best interests of the children and were not on an ego trip or reliving their childhoods. We were co-coaches because all of us had commitments that interfered with coaching the team. So we had to depend on our partners to cover all of the contact time. In both cases we had pre-defined areas of responsibility and we were "lead" in our own areas. In my day job, I worked with ad hoc teams of professionals on projects usually with one defined leader, but not always. With reasonable people, it is not difficult to work on projects in teams. The key, I think, is good planning, communication, and delegation. For example in coaching, it is impossible to work together effectively without detailed written training plans for the season and the sessions.
Should've kicked him to the curb: "this isn't how we do things". If he takes his girls and your season has to end because you don't have enough players then so be it. We need to stop compromising our values and giving players a shitty experience. No soccer is better than a toxic culture or being exposed to a toxic individual.
first year was rough, with some ups and downs. If your rec league has district, state, and regional tournaments, it's not truly a rec league. my fault for not doing research. kids were ready to quit soccer after that, but finally warmed up to the idea of switching leagues. I learned a bit about coaching and saw the dark side of competitive parent coaches enough to know I don't want to get sucked up in the nonsense.
Mine was probably this season. I had 3 players quit part way through the season, and we had commitment issues from several of the remaining 15. Our last two games we didn't even have a full 11, and we cancelled 2 of our final 4 training sessions due to low numbers. I went through my attendance logs last night. We held 20 training sessions and 10 games. My players missed 77 training sessions and 33 games. It's hard to do anything when you're down three players and missing 25% of the rest of the team. It was a nightmare. Thank god we're on to golf and ski season now.
I'm an assistant coach for both my girl's club teams, and make sure not to get in the coach's way. No way would I do the things that guy did, but then you're right, never co-coach! The coach I work with does most of the talking at practices and games, when he has time, asks me to say a few things which I am glad to do. During practice, I will take girls aside to speak about something I saw, as long as it doesn't affect the flow of the coach's training. I am somewhat in charge of defense, so during games, the only thing I am saying to the players is off the ball directions on where to be. Seems like a good working relationship for us... edit to add: There have been a bunch of practices where he can't make it, and lets me know what to work on. Parents don't mind because, 1. I am licensed, 2. Have a good rapport with the kids and parents, and 3. The parents know I am working on his season plan, not going off the rails...