Weird News Thread Part III

Out loud. Brave lad. Here we go:

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Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Fe0ffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

"The Chaos” by Gerard Nolst Trenité



How'd you do?

 

Didn't know where to put this so, here is good. Remember the cute video of the tiger bringing down a drone. Well it's not all cute unless you need tiger body parts to get a hard on.
********

OH NO!!!!

Viral Tiger Drone Video Reveals A Grim Reality In China

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry..._us_58b09968e4b0a8a9b7822d5a?l51pb6vri5w5ewmi

 

Bulgarian state radio cant/wont pay the licensing fees. As a result is denied the copywrite library and has to go outside the lines by playing 70 year old music.

http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-38530805

They worked it out though.

http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-39104260

Turns out their ratings went up 20% and they might not go back!! Now you know, the rest of the story.

 

This explains everything.

www.fedgov.website

 

I saw this a while ago and didn't pay much attention at the time but, having looked at it again, I'm still not sure why you've asked 'how we did'?

Am I missing something?

 

Read that out loud is a challenge. Its a list of homophones and other irregular words.

 

Ah, OK! So it really is that simple. Well... I say simple. If you go slow it's pretty easy.

I've got another one, albeit of a different nature. Try saying this, quickly, six times in a row

I'm not a pheasant plucker
I'm a pheasant plucker's mate
I'm only plucking pheasants
For the pheasant plucker's sake

Actually I can do that as well but, then, I'm a cockney which means I can talk 20% faster than anybody else can listen

 

I m apparently a pleasant Phucker

 

That isn't the way I heard it!

 

Talk about deceiving news titles.

Hundreds of MILF child soldiers released in Philippines.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/0ed693ad-460f-3075-88b8-0e00012e532a/hundreds-of-milf-child.html

 

Well, since we don't have a "drug dealers shouldn't use new media" thread...

http://thetimes-tribune.com/news/po...osecutor-about-drug-swap-by-mistake-1.2170418

KINGSTON — Investigators have filed an arrest warrant against a suspected drug dealer who they say outed himself by accidentally messaging a Luzerne County prosecutor for a drug swap.

Police say John J. Raimondo had marijuana he wanted to trade for heroin, so he sent a text message — using drug dealing lingo — to a number he thought belonged to a fellow drug dealer.

But police say he sent the text to the wrong number and the message went to the phone of Assistant District Attorney Jill Matthews, who specializes in drug prosecutions.

She played along.

“She got a text that was an obvious text for a drug deal. She contacted Kingston police and set up the deal,” Luzerne County First Assistant District Attorney Sam Sanguedolce said. “The person thought it was an actual client, but it turns out it’s not only an assistant district attorney, but one in the drug unit.”

Raimondo, 29, proceeded to arrange the drug swap for later that day in the parking lot of the Gateway Shopping Center in Kingston, arrest papers say.
​

You can guess how this ends...

 

Is no one else besides me having trouble wrapping their head around the fact that Chuck Berry and Chuck Barris have died within a few days of one another? If I were this guy I'd be scared shitless.

 

Skynet knew almost nothing...his full name, where he lived. They just knew the country. The Terminator was just being systematic.

 

Maine legislator wants to protect feefees of climate change deniers

http://www.pressherald.com/2017/03/...scrimination-based-on-climate-change-beliefs/

 

For all you doubters out there!

 

This is horrible.... very horrible.

I am posting this because I bet her mug shot will go viral. It will be among those "hot mugshots" thread all over the internet.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2017/04/25/veteran--shot-it-5-times/100902702/


I actually googled her. I bet you tons of Americans are doing the same thing.

https://www.dvidshub.net/video/366737/pvt-marinna-rollins

 

Brought back a weird memory. Was on a night time "assignment" in the 50's/60's with an Air Force dog handler. At one point, after giving the dog [with a head the size of a 30 lb watermelon] a command, he dropped to his knees and pulled the dog's head close. He muttered that he thought that the dog growled at him and if he could be certain he'd blow the dog away. The handler ended up getting a medical discharge shortly thereafter.

 

Within half an hour after i posted this, this news popped up. I was thinking of him when I saw the girl on the dog's news. I thought he has gotten his 15 minutes of fame and disappeared. This is weird.


http://www.standard.co.uk/news/lond...ng-in-london-for-fashion-shoots-a3522876.html

 

I know that, thanks to Trump, weird news is facing stiff competition from political coverage, but...

An Arizona radio station airs a public service message about child pornography. For three years. A public service message, let me repeat: Giving pointers on how to hide it....

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-...ops-airing-advice-on-hiding-child-pornography

"In many cases, the penalty for possession of pictures is worse than the penalty for murder," {station manager Paul} Lotsof stated in the PSA. "You should understand that your Internet provider could report you to the police if they catch you looking at a website featuring naked juveniles. The police then enter your house and seize your computer."

Lotsof offered practical advice, telling anyone possessing such material how they could "save yourselves and your family a ton of grief, and save the taxpayers of Arizona a lot of money" — not by refusing to take part in an illegal enterprise but by avoiding being caught doing so.
​

 

A Florida man's claims that his girlfriend choked to death on his penis during sex may not hold up in court.

 

The most misspelled word in each state. We apparently have trouble with "twelve" in NJ.



http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/20...word_we_misspell_in_nj.html#incart_river_home

 

Why would you want to check how to spell "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious", CT and WV?

 

In Wisconsin, the most searched word to check for spelling is . . . Wisconsin.

 

You'd expect that from Mississippians. But Wisconsin? Cheese must be clogging arteries in the brain.