Clint Dempsey is calling it a day. As in, this very day.

Well, he's a mercurial fellow, is Deuce. Dempsey was fabulously talented and dangerous, and also utterly fearless. Absolutely part of what we like to think of the grand tradition of brave, determined US soccer players, from Patenaude to McBride. Only more talented – sorry, Brian. He would without doubt hold the US men's national team goal-scoring record were it not for his heart ailment in 2016, and the team's complete implosion the year after. Russia should have been his swan song, not mid-season in fifth place.

Oh, Lord, that goal against Ghana.

Dempsey will do exactly what he decides he wants to do – er, unless what we wants to do is win a Best Rap Performance Grammy. But I want to see him coach. He might be great at it, he might be terrible, but for once we'd justify having a game camera trained on the bench at all times.

I'd say he'd be great as a media personality, but what we would get is the replica from Stepford Industries, so, no thanks. I'd rather see him keep screaming at players and refs.

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This is a formal call for US Soccer President Carlos Cordeiro to either apologize, or resign.

….for what? Please tell me you don't get your news from me.

I was going to lead with this, but Clint Dempsey announced his retirement, and Dempsey is a lot more important and made a lot more contribution than Carlos Freaking Cordeiro.

So FIFA emperor Gianni Infantino, with Cordeiro in tow along with his other minions, lackeys and henches of all gender, met in the Oval Office with the President on the United States. Whose name completely escapes me at the moment. The occasion was to celebrate Mexico and Canada hosting World Cup 2026, and the United States granting permission for FIFA to travel through American airspace for the occasion.

They gave the President a jersey, of course. The only reason to be President is for the sports gear, after all. But Infantino decided a nice comedy gift would be referee cards.

In other words, it was just a little garbage photo-op, until Cordeiro decided he was sick of not having any lines.



Trump! President Trump! ….doesn't ring a bell.

I'm not calling for the President to resign, because…just between you and me…I don't think he would if I asked.

I also don't think Infantino should resign, because according to the transcript, he didn't do anything wrong. He's a pro at this, because you don't get anywhere near the position of King of Football without being really, really, good at managing publicity stunts with potentates.

Also, I'm pretty sure Infantino could have me killed with impunity. Out of everyone in that room, Infantino was easily the most powerful, and I don't think there was a close second.

But it wasn't Infantino who brought up any touchy controversies. It also wasn't Trump, technically. All he did was clown around with the cards. It was that idiot Cordeiro who decided he was Harvey Korman.

MR. CORDEIRO: The next media session.

Carlos, you have only have two jobs. And both of them are to SHUT THE HELL UP.

I think I can make a non-partisan case for why Cordeiro needs to apologize or resign. Let's see if I can do this.

MR. CORDEIRO: The Tea Party.

MR. CORDEIRO: The Freedom Caucus.

MR. CORDEIRO: The Benghazi committee.

MR. CORDEIRO: Whitewater investigators.

I'm not mad that the head of the United States Soccer Federation is meeting with the President of the United States. It's unavoidable.

Well, unless the sport is so obscure that meeting with the President is not an option. Stop bringing up Thunderdome. We're beyond Thunderdome.

You have to meet with the President. You cannot endorse the President.

Because the President of the US can be partisan, but the President of the USSF cannot.

Carlos Cordeiro can, of course. And as a private citizen, I encourage him, along with everyone, to participate in the political process to further our great nation.

The United States National Teams need to represent the entire nation, not simply those who are in power. At the moment, they don't – I don't think that's a partisan statement. Cordeiro needs to get one of the following: a change of heart, a vow of silence, or an updated resume.

Dempsey's timing may help take the heat of Cordeiro's idiocy, but it really shouldn't. The man needs to expand the game, especially in places where the endorsement of Washington won't exactly cut much ice. If Cordeiro doesn't or won't understand that, he's the wrong man for the job no matter what his politics are.