Pre-match: Toronto Maple Leafs v. D.C. United

Ah way too cool for me.

 

There's nothing stopping this team from getting cheap quality players except for a lack of imagination, a lack of an eye for talent and a complete inability to foster and grow talent from within. We've got roughly 5 million a year to spend in this relatively low quality league. There's really no excuse not to be solidly above the redline, maybe not at the top top of the table but a solid 6-8 in the league year in and year out. We're acting like the team has been given "an impossible task" or something and to do it only have a MacGyver style toolbox of chewing gum, a broken sex toy and three bobby pins to defuse the bomb.

 

There's no such thing as a broken sex toy if you're creative enough.

 

Try as I might, I cannot make a sex toy out of those items. Well, the hose is a good start, but still....

 

And every EOD type knows you chew the gum, and use the sex toy so you'll have a smile on your face if the bobby pins slip.
The FO needs to search talent out in places other than the "positions wanted" pages of Soccer America

 

I posted it before, but John Harkes is sitting around twiddling his thumbs. He has experience at the pro (Cincinnati) and youth (DC academy) levels, and had success. I've read Cincinnati played an attractive style and were a top team.
Who knows if he's better or worse? Maybe he brings a bunch of baggage I don't know about and no one wants to deal with. He seems prickly, which appeals to me. Perhaps some different motivation is needed.
I can't disagree strongly enough that no coach could do better with this group. That's saying Olsen is the cream of the crop. Based on what, I have no idea.

 

That's true of many teams in the league. They can score more than once a month.

Until recently, I've thought Kaspar is better at his job than Olsen at his, and it not being a hard call. But Kasparov used to find guys like DeRo and Rolfe as refugees from other teams. Now it's Sarvas and the withered corpse of LeToux.

There is literally nothing interesting about his team, no reason to watch, except to see if Hamid is spectacular. In 2011, it was fun to watch Najar. This year, nothing.

 

Craigslist. The phone book.

Grindr

 

Sorry, I'm calling bullshit on this. Seriously. If you think Olsen can do as well as those coaches than you are a hopeless apologist for Olsen.

Now that we have that out of the way, they find a new coach by firing the current one and see who applies. Since -- according to you -- no coach can do better, and and most can do no worse, I'd rather give some Div III college coach looking to break into the pros a chance to do something.

 

Mrs. Roadkit: "Why do you have Tinder on your phone?"
Me: "To buy DC United tickets."
Mrs. Roadkit: "Uh-huh. <smack> You ********ing asshole."

Edit: LOL. It just occurred to me that Tinder might be of some use in getting DC United players to score. Just a thought.

 

I must apologize then I am calling bullshit. No one, even those I mentioned could do crap with this two bit roster. So why fire Olsen. Until the roster improves you have no idea if he is a good coach or not. All this fire Olsen talk is short sighted BS from a group of beer drinking, singing yahoos who have little tactical knowledge. If that is an insult sorry but I am calling a spade a spade. Olsen biggest flaw is his keeping Chad Ashton around. Ashton has tactical control of this team. He is the one who talks to EVERY PLAYER before he subs in. Olsen pats them on the ass and says "go get 'em!" So no, your DIII coach would do no better. Same as Jose, Sir Alex or Klopp. This is not Olsen love on my part it is a sound tactical analysis.

 

The rubber band might be useful...............................

 

I could live with this choice.

 

Not even if they had a handful of pardons at a women's prison.

 

It would be interesting to compare Ben Olsen with other former MLS players who coach today; e.g., Marsch; Vanney; Berhalter; Curtin; Heaps; Petke; et. al.. I've praised Jesse Marsch's tactics before, and I well remember a post-match interview with Vanney when he was here briefly in which he came across as extremely erudite. (I even posted that he should/would be a coach someday.) Do these guys have something Ben lacks, besides perhaps more potent rosters?

 

Marsch and Vanney stand out from that group. However, Marsch is having a hard time figuring out how to replace McCarty. Let's see how he does as Klejstan and BWP age and become less effective. RB clearly does not want to spend big bucks anymore on that team (indeed, are they still for sale?) Berhalter had one good season, but the last two have been up and down. Curtin hasn't broken through in Philly either, although Stewart apparently likes him. Petke kept the hot mess of RBNY in the Henry and Cahill years working effectively. This year at RSL, he has a shit roster and is getting shit results. Heaps? are you ********ing kidding me?

 

I did that, statistically, taking into account a host of factors and Olsen was worse. It's somewhere in my old Ben Olsen thread

I also compared Olsen to coaches who have been fired and showed they, too, were better overall

 

Yes Ben sucks, move on nothing to see here.

 

I don't care if Heaps can raise the dead -- having him coach DCU would be like having Carlos Ruiz play for DCU -- oops.