Barros Schelotto was the only person to never die from dysentery on the Oregon Trail. To Barros Schelotto!!
There is no such thing as global warming. Guillermo was cold, so he turned the sun up. Some kids play kick the can. Guillermo played kick the keg. Guillermo wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. To Barros Schelotto!
Barros Schelotto is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. Barros Schelotto can eat just one Lay's potato chip. Barros Schelotto destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise. To Barros Schelotto
At Barros Schelotto's bachelor party, he ate the entire cake before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it! To Barros Schelotto!
True story: My uncle was in the hospital undergoing a kidney transplant when the doctor called out that they were losing him. Sure enough, Guillermo showed up and instantly assessed the situation. He came out to the waiting room and removed my kidney using only his feet. With a series of deft touches he dribbled the kidney into the operating room where he completed the operation, closing the wound by kicking a spool of thread from the corner. Not only did my uncle recover, he can now piss on the Fire. To Guillermo!
So I was watching the History Channel the other day and was watching a show on the Top 10 World Records for buildings demolished. Did you know that in all but 1 of those top 10 demolitions they didn't really use explosives? They just called in Barros Schelotto who then urinated on the side of the buildings and they instantaneously collapsed. Interesting side note, in the 10th demolition that they showed, the business tried to not use Barros Schelotto and instead attempted explosives (dumbasses). Well, the building fell over on to a school and killed 379 children. The company president's final words before he hung himself after the tragedy was reported as being "I should have used Barros Schelotto...." To Barros Schelotto!
God cannot create a rock so big that he cannot lift it, but Barros Schelotto already made two! ...to Barros Schelotto!!
Barros Schelotto was once asked about the possibility of finding Mitochondrial Eve. He said with a wink a smile "Been there, done that. She was alright." To Barros Schelotto!
In fact, Barros Schelotto was the technical adviser for Jack Link's Messin With Sasquatch commercials. TO BARROS SCHELOTTO!!!
There is no April 1st in Barros Schelotto's life, because nobody fools Barros Schelotto. To Barros Schelotto!
The Crew Commandments: 1. You shall not want another Gullermo Barros Schelotto; there is only one. 2. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of Guillermo Barros Schelotto, our striker, for the Crew and The Nordecke will not acquit anyone who misuses his name. 3. Observe the Schelotto signing and keep it holy, as the Crew, our team commanded you. 4. Honor our Guillermo Barros Schelotto and his #7 5. You shall not murder his last name 6. Neither shall you commit adultery with a TFC supporter, Schelotto will disown you 7. Neither shall you steal the thunder of Schelotto; he deserves it all. 8. Neither shall you bear false witness against Gullermo Barros Schelotto 9. Neither shall you covet our opponents #7 10. Neither shall you desire our opponents stadium, or pitch, or trophy case, or striker, or anything that belongs to our crappy opponents To Barros Schelotto!!!
You forgot the 11th Commandment. If Schelotto gets your wife or girlfriend pregnant, you FIRST thank Schelotto then God for the blessing. Anything less would be considered blaspehmous and condemn you to a slow and excruciatingly painful death. Or worse forced to wear a tfc jersey in public. TO BARROS SCHELOTTO
Haha, you fell for the oldest trick in the book, the same used in the movie Airheads to out the nefarious music rep. You don't thank Schelotto, then God. Schelotto IS God.
Recent reports from have exposed a very unusual clause in the contract of David Beckham, "Club hereby agrees not to require said player to hold the jock strap of Guillermo Barros Schelotto, due to the fact that they are not actually capable of holding his jock strap" To Barros Schelotto