Me: "Coach, your player can't play because she's pregnant." Coach: "Well, you can't referee because you are fat." I agree. I'm not having that conversation. The decision to play is not mine either.
Well, actually there are. (Can of worms....here we go.) And I'm staying away from the obvious political and religious discussion points. There are many laws regarding the status and rights of the fetus in late term. For example, if a perpetrator was to fatally injure a late term pregnant woman, then that person would likely be charged with the murder of two people. Would a parent likely play sport (any contact sport) while carrying around a 1 month old in their arms? Why would we (as a society...not referees) let an expectant mother put that same near term unborn in the way of danger? You're right...it's not our call. Fully agree. But to say there are no statutory limitations regarding pregnant women (including athletes) is not true. "The law defines "child in utero" as "a member of the species Homo sapiens, at any stage of development, who is carried in the womb." ... Fetal homicide laws, as well as ordinary murder statutes, are increasingly used to prosecute pregnant women are accused of recklessly causing miscarriages or stillbirths." You're right...not our call, but these women are risking a lot more than win/loss of a soccer match.
I have reffed several G JV games between urban (mostly minority) and suburban (mostly white) schools. These are no fun for anyone. The urban schools are obviously made up of about 14 kids who were "urged" to play. And the suburban girls are premier players who would play varsity if they were older. I have seen a girl so large that she hurt herself turning around too quickly. And many get hit by the ball because they were not paying attention. It is not uncommon for the game to finish with less than 11 players because they just can't go 90. I bring this up because "someone" should be making a judgement on being players being physically fit enough to play. The schools certainly are not. I know that playing a little is generally better than not playing at all, but I cringe every time I get assigned one of these games and hope there is no ambulance in my near future.
Hmmm. Those teams/players deserve a chance to play too. I've seen some great (well, relatively speaking) stuff in games like that, including the wonderful sense of victory that the "down" team experiences when they grind it out and hold on for full time without allowing that one last goal that would have terminated the game early under the mercy rule. Conquer your dread, call the game for safety and fun and fairness, and think positive.
Bubba - totally agree about all should play. I'm talking about games where it would be 10-0 in 20 minutes if the better squad did not switch to keepaway as the "sporting" thing to do. There is no soccer being played here. And there are already 3 kids on the bench in street clothes with braces or crutches.
Well, good luck to the members of the committee that gets to decide this AAAA team is not good enough to play that AAAA team.
I always remember being assigned to a JV2 girls game, which is a single referee in our area. I go first to the home team, which has two guys as the coaches. "Ref, you aren't going to hear anything from us today. We're basketball coaches." "Yeah, we don't know anything about soccer. We're just doing the AD a favor in the hope that he'll take care of us come basketball season." I'm thinking, "OMG!!!!!' The coach of the other team is the finest coach of younger teenage girls in the entire state, multiple state championships with a U-14 team, etc. I'm thinking "This is NOT going to be pretty." It wasn't. But the girls got to play, show their skills, such as that was, represent their school and learn the subtle life lessons you learn by being on a high school team, whether you're the door mat or the big dog. The only thing that wasn't quite so cool was that the big dog team had been told by their coach that they couldn't shoot until they had completed something like 10 passes without the other team touching the ball. So the girls were counting their passes, out loud. And last year, I had a varsity boys' game on a dual. All of the action in the first half was at my end. If memory serves, the home/defending team had only nine players and we were in double digits before halftime. In the second half, there were only a few goals because the winning team had been told to pass the ball around. And most of the action, such as it was, was at my end because I was the trail, the entire second half. I believe there were 22 consecutive passes amongst the winning team players at one point. At least they weren't counting out loud.
Sometimes calling the game for safety and fun and fairness can include a quiet word to the big dog coach or captain about how the BD players are conducting themselves. Sometimes.
In my neck of the woods, every school can get into the post season by annoucing their intention, a change that was instituted last year. That means the worst team in the group plays the best team in the group in the first round. Unfortunately, I had one of those last year. 6-0 after 3 minutes. The losers school hadn’t been in the state tournament in 35 years. They were very excited to be on the field no matter the scoreline.
Playing last night (in goal as is my wont when not officiating), pretty even game, 0-0 with under 2 minutes left. Their striker (#10) has been almost beating our defense all game, but still hasn't actually gotten a shot off. Breaks through the defense, gets into the penalty area, and tackled by our centre back (#18). Their team goes mad, their bench goes mad demanding the penalty, ref waves to keep playing. #10 gets up turns to #18 and says to him, "dude, great tackle, I thought I had you that time". Once in a while the ref gets it right and the guy "offended" compliments the defender. Rare but it does happen!
Just a suggestion, from last night adult co-ed game: Don't yell "wide!" to a teammate who is the most corpulent guy on the team.
A few from this weekend. The first I have heard before, probably a few times. "Pass it, pass it, PASS IT...next time, pass it to a teammate." Me to a young AR: "Tuck in your shirt." Young AR: "I don't like having my shirt tucked in." "You look more professional with your shirt tucked in." "It's U10. No one cares." Finally "I gave a red card in a U9 game." Me: "Uh...what?" "A player was fouled and went down. The girl who fouled took steps back. The girl who went down got up and ran straight to the girl who fouled her and gave a two-handed shove to the chest, knocking her down."
If he was in my association, I would have done just that. But I was a guest doing a tournament two hours away. I did let the assignor know, though.
At the end of the day, I'm not too worried about an untucked shirt. It's a coaching moment. After all...
Oh, one more from this weekend I forgot about. Coach, loudly: "Parents, stop coaching!" Male parent, more loudly: "I know you ain't talking to me like that!" That parent kept grumbling about the coach the rest of the game. That was my last game of the day on that field. I handed the score sheet to the winning coach and left quickly before a possible altercation between the parent and the coach.
So, where would you draw the line, then? He’s getting paid, and it’s a UNIFORM. We had an assignor once, who used to drive from field to field and send home all who weren’t properly attired. You got the message.
Or as the instructor of my original class said to a kid AR after he made him go change to proper clothing*, "OK, NOW you can ref with me." * he had his equipment with him, but for some reason didn't have it on when he came out to the field
I hear you, but ... our professional standards are our own. This is causing me to reflect on just how much bad behavior I might be willing to take from an AR before dismissing him (which is our right) at a tournament as opposed to my home ground. I'm pretty sure the answer is not much. Now mind you I've never actually dismissed an AR – but I've come close a time or two.
The first step to being recognized as a competent referee is to look like a referee. You start out with zero credibility if you don't look the part and it only goes down from there once you make the first call against a team. Parents, coaches and players can't tell you what the uniform is but they do know what it isn't.
Not a uniform issue but we had a situation on an elite men's amateur game with not one but two AR's who should have been dismissed by the referee for doing things they thought were "funny." Even the players saw what these guys were doing and they were getting angry. The two AR's both had State badges, at the time, and the R was only a 7 at the time, so he felt he couldn't tell them to leave. Not one but two SRA's had to get involved in this one. The AR's SRA ducked dealing with it. It was a disgusting performance, made worse by the fact that one of the AR's is now a National AR.
I'm curious, what exactly was their behavior? Everyone I have worked with, young to old, has always been professional or at least receptive to making improvements.
As a coach this weekend, I had a similar situation. U14 girls. Mom is crazy loud. Usually just cheering, which I am ok with. Her daughter dribbling the ball just past midfield and Mom starts screaming “shoot it. Shoot it. Shoot it!!!” I did not want her to shoot it. She had several options for good, smart passes. Maybe even a 1-2 to get the ball back to her. I don’t yell much as a coach (lately). But I have a pretty loud voice. I yelled across the field “Mom. That’s enough. She’s been playing soccer for 8 years now. She should know when to shoot the ball or not!” Mom said “me?” I said “yes. She doesn’t need you yelling at her”. She was embarrassed. Her kid was embarrassed. She has not reached out to discuss or apologize. I’m debating on whether I need to talk with her any more about it.