This kind of gets to the nub of it i.e. much of the argument is about perception. A parent coach may see it in terms of my original points 1-6, even at younger ages. i.e. You as a parent seem only to notice the times you feel your guy is short changed and ignore the times I feel I have short changed my own guy. Older age groups rely more on those that put the time in and we will all have seen numerous occasions where someone with 'more talent' loses out on the pitch to someone who is harder working, more positionally disciplined etc i.e. some parents will ignore their child's shortcomings in terms of work rate, positional discipline etc because they are able to perform a few skills that some of the others may not be able to (or not bother with) Older age groups can see parents become disillusioned because they may not fully understand what the team game plan is and the impact that may have when a coach compares players. There is an argument that the coach's son is less likely to miss sessions and more likely to stick to the plan and may be seen to be more reliable as a consequence I think the positives are the only thing which keeps most people going so there are plenty of those. My favourite is going from whipping boys of the league to a force to be reckoned with through the hard work we as a group have put in. Last few years we have until the end of u18 could be very exciting I wonder which We have a great group - one that means their mates want to come and play for us. Some who have played at a high level. Squad has grown massively over the last couple of years - all despite me. I don't pretend to speak for all; obviously not. I just believe these are the arguments a coach on the receiving end of this type of criticism may have, given the ability to speak freely. I have seen some awful coaches but don't think I've ever seen favouring your own child as the biggest of sins; especially not in comparison to the actually destructive behaviour some I have had the misfortune to come across have displayed on the touchline. I actually benefited from 2 players leaving one team to join us for this very reason i.e. the coach's son plays all the time for the wrong reasons. I made sure that they knew my son is in the team and one of them would be in competition for a place with him. They're still here two years later
Ok, so you seem somewhat aware that #7 is the point that I/some of us probably take the most issue with…it is the apparent attitude behind #7 that is the most troubling… As long as everyone, including the coach’s son is adhering to team policy, then there shouldn’t be any issues… If team policy is equal playtime, then the coach’s son should see no more or no less than anyone else… If team policy is that playtime is based on effort and execution, and if the coach’s son has the skill and work rate to be a starter or clock the majority of minutes, then there shouldn’t be any issues….(At least with reasonable parents….you are never going to make unreasonable parents happy) As long as the coach’s son is operating under the same team rules as everyone else, you don’t need 6 or 7 reasons/ justifications where, when or why your kid plays… My biggest problem with #7 is that it seems to make your son immune from team rules/policy, mostly because of the time and effort you put into the team… Which is kinda funny, because it doesn’t appear your son needs such immunity or special treatment…. It doesn’t sound like you are bad coach at all, yet you seem to be providing a lot of excuse for those who might be… This would be my augment, short and sweet…. I treat all my players the same, including my son.. I try to be as objective and fair as possible… I am not perfect and you may have a different opinion on things… If my imperfections and your differing opinions are insurmountable, you are free to find a different coach/team… Of course, you have to actually being doing the first two to make it work…and would argue good [parent] coaches are...
And now you are completely backtracking against everything you said. Which is It? Because if your last post is true I see no reason for the OP to be made at all. At least you tried to backtrack until this: As one poster tried to touch upon, "it is all about perception". Again, professionalism is expected when you are coaching. I don't care what level or league. If the policy is equal playing time, then you do your best to abide by it. Trying to claim that among "the coaching sins" that favoring ones own child is pretty low isn't good enough. If you are aware that you are doing it then stop. If you are favoring your son AND parents are aware of it and letting you know about it then it IS a bigger 'sin" than you are giving credit. The parents and kids trust that you will manage the team fairly. You also claim that favoritism is low 'in comparison to the actually destructive behaviour some I have had the misfortune to come across have displayed on the touchline." Well, you see this is pretty relative but you have no idea how demoralizing overt favoritism can be to kids. When they KNOW, no matter how hard they try, no matter if they are better or not they will never overcome the coach's bias in regards to themslevles and the coaches kid. And this seems to be the reason you make the following point regarding the perceived talent level of the other parents regarding their kids: This just comes off as a cheap rationalization to defend yourself against parents complaints. Based on the competitive description of your team not only does this seem out of place but it also does not lend much credit to the implied argument that your own son is a superior player and is also deserving based on merit. In short, as a parent coach the ONLY entitlement you are deserving of is picking a practice time that is convenient for you. Beyond that you are simply overstepping your reach and abusing your position.
This is\was confusing enough...for this yank anyway. You originally paint your team as a bunch of "Mr Beans" + 1(your son). Now you are pumping the proverbial tires of said bunch ?
I have experience with 2 different teams with parent/coach. The first one up until U12 coaches son and my son played the same position (goal keeper). He did a wonderful job of splitting time. In fact there were 3 keepers on the team. Both the coach and the assistant coach had sons that played in goal. The head coach did a wonderful job of splitting the time and getting everyone experience. To the point that eventually the assistant coach left, not with hard feelings just wanted his son to have more playing time. This team fell apart when middle school soccer came into the mix as the area has a lot of kid who couldn't afford to play club soccer and so middle school soccer was a better option for them. We moved to a club 30 minutes away where there was another parent/coach/DOC. This experience wasn't as positive. The parent coach had not only a son on the field but also 2-3 other kids who he viewed as adopted sons due to their home situation. My son was limited in playing time up until the point he made the region ODP holdover and team. Then all of a sudden the coach was worried about how to play them both. It frustrated me as he never worried about how to play him before it was as if someone elses opinion was more important. My son was presented with the opportunity to play DA, more of a drive, but a higher level of play. We didn't leave in a huff it was just a better opportunity. At the end of the day I think a parent coach can make it work up until a certain level and age. If my youngest wants to play soccer I would avoid a parent coach at the more competitive levels.
No arguments here. I think this is one of the better posts I have read on here. Not sure what some of these others are reading or they have very poor perception skills. Anyway, play your kid, sounds like he's got a great coach.
Great post, wish I wrote it myself. I also was roped into being a coach. Its thankless and it took my ex-wife to point out exactly what you said above. This is not a lady that I give a ton of credit to, however she (and you) were absolutely-100%-spot-on correct.
I will make this short and sweet… Practicing and/or justifying favoritism, special treatment or a sense of entitlement in a competitive, merit-based environment is ethically wrong, even more so when a coach is doing it, even a unpaid parent coach… The fact that any coach is taking shit from unreasonable parents over ANYONE playtime is no reason to make up a bunch lame, BS excuses and justifications…
I don’t really think so…the OP has presented a laundry list of reasons why a coach's son/daughter deserves to be played no matter what anyone thinks...it was created in response to other parents questioning the playtime and positioning of his kid…I get why a parent coach might do this; in the short-term such a list might make sense; it make you feel good, proud and righteous, however in the long run, it’s a woefully wrongheaded way to look at things… The problem is this list can only be applied to a single kid on the team…if those same parents questioned the playtime of any other kid on the team, NONE of those reasons really apply…the coach would have to come up whole new list of reasons and those reasons would probably have a lot to with things like attitude, work rate, skill level, coachability, size, speed, team chemistry, coaching philosophy, etc…things that coaches normally use to justify playtime and how they run their team… My question, my issue is why have two separate lists? Two separate standards? Two sets of rules? Such a thing can only lead to the perception or reality of a double standard…of special treatment… And let me reiterate, special treatment has no place in a competitive environment… Roped in or not, paid or unpaid, once you take on the mantle of coach, you have a responsibility to treat all your players fairly and equally…and the OP’s list, by its very existence, strongly calls into question that ability… Please, by all means, point out what it is you think I am missing or not understanding correctly….
The simple answer is "because I'm the coach." I may make decisions that you don't understand. I may play our best player in her worst position. I may do this to give another kid a shot at trying something different. I may do it to give the best player a taste of other positions. I may even do it by mistake. I may do it because I overhead a kid at practice complaining about the best players always playing the same spot. Or because someone was not paying attention at practice. It may cost us a game. It may win us a game. But, I'm the coach. I'll take any blame you want to put on me. But unless you want to coach, shut up and deal with it. Or take your kid to another team.
That could work for awhile. As long as you are winning and keep your number of players to a minimum. Of course the minute kids are riding the bench so your kid can play double time - you'll be screwed becuase you'll have no logical reason to had had brought the bench warms in - and take their parents money. That won't work too long. That is the only component of the argument that I take issue with.
I purposely keep a small roster. My current team had 15. Just had a player drop out due to health reasons. I'm not filling the spot. And now I have a girl that is out a few weeks with an ankle issue. And I have a set of twins (so if one is gone, they will both likely miss a game). Everyone should get pretty equal playing time across the season. As long as they come to practice and are respectful to teammates and coaches. And put in effort to improve. I only take kids on the team that I plan on playing. I'm not trying to increase revenue by taking bench players.
Then I agree with your statement. When I started my own team/club I was far to diplomatic and wanted to please everyone - what a disaster that turned out to be! Never again.
My experience from both sides of this issue is that unless the coach's kid is head and shoulders the best player on the team that at some point the parent sideline will accuse the coach of favoritism. I even saw it at a development academy club with a highly respected coach whose son ended up playing for his youth national team. I think there are parent coaches who do an absolutely great job. There are some that do not. In many cases, I would rather have a parent coach who brings the passion of a parent over the professional coach who is punching and watching the clock. (I have seen it more often that I care to admit - even at a development academy club) Unlike in the past, today your parent coach may have played NCAA D1 or beyond. One of my neighbors who coached my son along with his son has several caps on the USMNT.
As a parent coach myself I try to develop all kids too by giving them roughly equal playing time and plenty of position rotation. If a coach only chases win/loss record and relies too much on the better players, soon the gap between good and average players will diverge further. That's when all sorts of problems will show up: good players complain about not having an equal practice partner, average players complaining about not getting enough opportunities, etc.