The 2018 Table :: Magic Numbers, Tragic Numbers & Other Curious Quantities

Discussion in 'MLS: News & Analysis' started by Knave, Aug 13, 2018.

  1. Kejsare

    Kejsare Member+

    Portland Timbers
    Mar 10, 2010
    Virginia
    Club:
    Portland Timbers
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Comb is out. Get on with it.
     
    Sounders78 repped this.
  2. Knave

    Knave Member+

    May 25, 1999
    And I'll still be there tomorrow when the update is posted!
     
  3. El Naranja

    El Naranja Member+

    Sep 5, 2006
    Alief
    Club:
    Houston Dynamo
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Look what happens when you call it too early....
     
    Sounders78 repped this.
  4. Kejsare

    Kejsare Member+

    Portland Timbers
    Mar 10, 2010
    Virginia
    Club:
    Portland Timbers
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Should I complain that Seattle got scored on? I'm confused.
     
  5. Yoshou

    Yoshou Fan of the CCL Champ

    May 12, 2009
    Seattle
    Club:
    Seattle Sounders
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Didn’t change the result tho.
     
  6. El Naranja

    El Naranja Member+

    Sep 5, 2006
    Alief
    Club:
    Houston Dynamo
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    That was never in doubt as soon as the schedule was released. Its a road game. We were always going to lose it. Thats what we do.
     
  7. pr0ner

    pr0ner Member+

    Jan 13, 2007
    Alexandria, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Man, my production at work today has been crap while waiting for @Knave to finally post....
     
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  8. Knave

    Knave Member+

    May 25, 1999
    It's really @Sounders78's fault.
     
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  9. Sounders78

    Sounders78 Member+

    Apr 20, 2009
    Olympia
    Club:
    Seattle Sounders
    Nat'l Team:
    France
  10. pr0ner

    pr0ner Member+

    Jan 13, 2007
    Alexandria, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Okay, that's fair.
     
  11. Knave

    Knave Member+

    May 25, 1999
    And I saw a beast rising out of the toaster, with twenty-two feet and eleven heads, with a gold star upon its shield and a blasphemous name on its chest. (Toastalations 13:1)

    1Conferences.png
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    4TablesKey.png
    5Schedule.png

    Notes

    Let's get the irrelevant stupidity out of the way. In the EC, PHI has clinched a playoff spot, and ORL Mickey Moused another season into playoff elimination. Also, reigning champions (LOL) TFC, returning to their true Canadian form, have begun pre-season training for 2019.

    Meanwhile, SKC is sporked because they've clinched a playoff spot. And so has CHV In Disguise. Perhaps disappointment didn't recognize them. MIN has also been eliminated, which makes sense since they're basically South Canada. And so has HOU, which remains a team that holds no interest to me.

    In the EC Aust ... I mean CLB can clinch a playoff spot with a single win, and the same can be said for POR and SEA (ugh) in the WC. Because DCU has not lost a game since August (which is strange to say given that it's October), MTL has now fallen below the playoff line.

    And then there's FREAKING, hasn't won a game since September 1, RSL! Those useless bastards. Real my ass, unless you mean royal pain in the ass.

    I don't ask much from MLS teams. I don't expect much from MLS teams. But I do ask and I do expect that when you just need to win a game or two in order to destroy LAG's playoff hopes and dreams, that you win those games to crush those who deserve to be crushed.

    But no, RSL, you just can't manage to do that, can you? Nope. Instead crushing LAG, you're crushing me. And you might even be crushing toast. And nobody wants crushed toast.

    Because of RSL's unabashed incompetence, the still toasted LAG is on the verge of becoming Lazarakia. But wait! It gets worse. Even VAN has a little hope of rising from the depths of toasted despair. And VAN isn't just toast, they're also Canadian.

    WILL NOBODY STOP THIS MADNESS?

    Where the fcuk is Curt Onalfo when you need him?

    At least bring back Ruud Gullit.

    Quick Hits

    I should have known better than to put my hopes in RSL. I mean, that's the team that somehow managed to lose the USOC final to the 2013 DCU.

    The SS is still contested, but I'm thinking ATL pulls it off.

    I really want the WS to be decided in the COL at SJE Toilet Bowl scheduled for Week 34.

    Toast is safe until at least Week 34. After that?

    I fear Tsaot Satan and his evil schemes.

    Save us Toast Jesus!
     
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  12. Sounders78

    Sounders78 Member+

    Apr 20, 2009
    Olympia
    Club:
    Seattle Sounders
    Nat'l Team:
    France
    He demands an offering of jam and butter.

    Screen Shot 2018-10-09 at 9.38.48 PM.png
     
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  13. AndyMead

    AndyMead Homo Sapien

    Nov 2, 1999
    Seat 12A
    Club:
    Sporting Kansas City
    Club Deportivo Chivas USA wasn't half bad last time Bob Bradley was at the helm if I recall.
     
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  14. JasonMa

    JasonMa Member+

    Mar 20, 2000
    Arvada, CO
    Club:
    Colorado Rapids
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    The only way San Jose doesn't win the Spoon is beating Colorado (easy) and beating Seattle in Seattle (unlikely). And then having either Orlando or Colorado lose the rest of their games (probable, at least in Colorado's case).

    I don't see San Jose upsetting Seattle in Seattle. I think the battle for the spoon is already over.
     
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  15. bgix

    bgix Bad Penny

    Jun 29, 2009
    Seattle
    Club:
    Seattle Sounders
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Oh, my gosh.... There is an *eastern* conference? In the back of my mind, I have known it was there, and that DCU was making a run with Rooney.... With their remaining schedule, if DCU makes the playoffs they will have certainly earned it. I don't reflexively root against Canada (and I am *not* a Rooney fan) but I am really hoping DCU pulls it off... and at Montreal's expense.
     
  16. Knave

    Knave Member+

    May 25, 1999
    Yes, there were dark times.
     
  17. Gamecock14

    Gamecock14 Member+

    May 27, 2010
    Club:
    Chicago Fire
    Although, SJ having the new coach in stands might do something. Then again, the Rapids face an FC Dallas team who might not have anything to really play for.
     
  18. JasonMa

    JasonMa Member+

    Mar 20, 2000
    Arvada, CO
    Club:
    Colorado Rapids
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Unless they plan to pull their keeper and a couple of defenders its not like that's going to matter.
     
  19. Sounders78

    Sounders78 Member+

    Apr 20, 2009
    Olympia
    Club:
    Seattle Sounders
    Nat'l Team:
    France
    You never know, Own Goal could be playing.
     
  20. SoccerMan94043

    SoccerMan94043 Member+

    May 29, 2003
    San Jose
    Club:
    San Jose Earthquakes
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Someone needs to write an addendum to the New Testament of the Book of Toast where both LAG and Knave are eliminated. We can call it Crumbilations and it would show a Toast Jesus that died for our sins and provide the optimal path to enlightenment.
     
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  21. EvilTree

    EvilTree Member+

    Canadian S.C
    Canada
    Nov 20, 2007
    Frozen Swampland, Soviet Canuckistan
    Club:
    Toronto FC
    Nat'l Team:
    Canada
    You meant optimal path to disappointment

    :D
     
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  22. ElJefe

    ElJefe Moderator
    Staff Member

    Feb 16, 1999
    Colorful Colorado
    Club:
    FC Dallas
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Well, FCD plays DCU away and SKC at home before then, and they’re not that far ahead of SKC and LAFC, so they might still be trying to clinch a top-two place.
     
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  23. cthomer5000

    cthomer5000 Member+

    Apr 23, 2007
    Raleigh NC
    Club:
    New York Red Bulls
    A reading from Toastalonians 3:4

    "For indeed when we were with you, we kept telling you in advance that we were going to suffer burnination; and so it came to pass, as you know."

    With DC United's win today, New England has been forced to accept their toasted status.
     
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  24. bgix

    bgix Bad Penny

    Jun 29, 2009
    Seattle
    Club:
    Seattle Sounders
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    San Jose was 30 minutes from clinching the Wooden Spoon, and failed miserably.
     
    BalanceUT repped this.
  25. Knave

    Knave Member+

    May 25, 1999
    Freaking Clash can't do anything right.
     

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