That was never in doubt as soon as the schedule was released. Its a road game. We were always going to lose it. Thats what we do.
And I saw a beast rising out of the toaster, with twenty-two feet and eleven heads, with a gold star upon its shield and a blasphemous name on its chest. (Toastalations 13:1) Notes Let's get the irrelevant stupidity out of the way. In the EC, PHI has clinched a playoff spot, and ORL Mickey Moused another season into playoff elimination. Also, reigning champions (LOL) TFC, returning to their true Canadian form, have begun pre-season training for 2019. Meanwhile, SKC is sporked because they've clinched a playoff spot. And so has CHV In Disguise. Perhaps disappointment didn't recognize them. MIN has also been eliminated, which makes sense since they're basically South Canada. And so has HOU, which remains a team that holds no interest to me. In the EC Aust ... I mean CLB can clinch a playoff spot with a single win, and the same can be said for POR and SEA (ugh) in the WC. Because DCU has not lost a game since August (which is strange to say given that it's October), MTL has now fallen below the playoff line. And then there's FREAKING, hasn't won a game since September 1, RSL! Those useless bastards. Real my ass, unless you mean royal pain in the ass. I don't ask much from MLS teams. I don't expect much from MLS teams. But I do ask and I do expect that when you just need to win a game or two in order to destroy LAG's playoff hopes and dreams, that you win those games to crush those who deserve to be crushed. But no, RSL, you just can't manage to do that, can you? Nope. Instead crushing LAG, you're crushing me. And you might even be crushing toast. And nobody wants crushed toast. Because of RSL's unabashed incompetence, the still toasted LAG is on the verge of becoming Lazarakia. But wait! It gets worse. Even VAN has a little hope of rising from the depths of toasted despair. And VAN isn't just toast, they're also Canadian. WILL NOBODY STOP THIS MADNESS? Where the fcuk is Curt Onalfo when you need him? At least bring back Ruud Gullit. Quick Hits I should have known better than to put my hopes in RSL. I mean, that's the team that somehow managed to lose the USOC final to the 2013 DCU. The SS is still contested, but I'm thinking ATL pulls it off. I really want the WS to be decided in the COL at SJE Toilet Bowl scheduled for Week 34. Toast is safe until at least Week 34. After that? I fear Tsaot Satan and his evil schemes. Save us Toast Jesus!
The only way San Jose doesn't win the Spoon is beating Colorado (easy) and beating Seattle in Seattle (unlikely). And then having either Orlando or Colorado lose the rest of their games (probable, at least in Colorado's case). I don't see San Jose upsetting Seattle in Seattle. I think the battle for the spoon is already over.
Oh, my gosh.... There is an *eastern* conference? In the back of my mind, I have known it was there, and that DCU was making a run with Rooney.... With their remaining schedule, if DCU makes the playoffs they will have certainly earned it. I don't reflexively root against Canada (and I am *not* a Rooney fan) but I am really hoping DCU pulls it off... and at Montreal's expense.
Although, SJ having the new coach in stands might do something. Then again, the Rapids face an FC Dallas team who might not have anything to really play for.
Someone needs to write an addendum to the New Testament of the Book of Toast where both LAG and Knave are eliminated. We can call it Crumbilations and it would show a Toast Jesus that died for our sins and provide the optimal path to enlightenment.
Well, FCD plays DCU away and SKC at home before then, and they’re not that far ahead of SKC and LAFC, so they might still be trying to clinch a top-two place.
A reading from Toastalonians 3:4 "For indeed when we were with you, we kept telling you in advance that we were going to suffer burnination; and so it came to pass, as you know." With DC United's win today, New England has been forced to accept their toasted status.