Not really a question here, just a bit of rambling. Feel free to chime in if you have a similar situation or any advice. My gu11 team is having a great season. We are 5-0 with 14 goals scored and 1 against in the top flight in our league. We've had 7 different goal scorers (Roster of 15). Scores aside, we are playing pretty good soccer. I'd like to see us build up from the back a bit more, but other teams are rarely in our end and if they are it's a 1v4 breakaway that we shut down pretty quickly by moving the ball around the back and back up again. We are a fairly small team. I've got a few pretty tall girls, but on average, we are probably 10 pounds per player lighter than the teams we have faced. I think we have had a PK in 4 of our 5 games (and we are 50/50 on converting UGHH!). And multiple direct free kicks all over the field. We don't dive or embellish at all. They are taught to stay on their feet and continue play. My teams is pretty scrappy and we do foul on occasion, but usually in safe areas and they aren't excessively aggressive fouls. If we get 8 free kicks per game, I'd bet there are another 8-10 that should be called. I get that the refs can't call everything and I'd prefer to see us play soccer and not have a free kick contest. Last week, my right forward (smallest, but toughest kid on the field) was getting mauled by their left fullback all game long. Ref let most of it go. He approached me at halftime and said "those 2 are banging away. I'm going to let them play because your player is giving it back to her." I think the ref should have put a stop to it sooner. Later in the game, another player was marking my forward on a throw in. My forward (expecting tough contact) dropped her pretty good. Other player went off of the field in tears. (She returned. I think she was just surprised to be on the ground). No foul called. Later in the game, by left forward (also my starting keeper) stripped a defender of the ball just outside the 18. My player made a great move and juked the keeper pretty good. As she was about to shoot, the keeper tackled her. Literally grabbed her and pulled her down. Ref didn't call it. We were up 3-0 at this point in the game with about 10 minutes left.
Being a ref is really a tough job. I have had a hall of famer former FIFA referee let a high kick to the face go uncalled. No contact only because the victim stopped attempting to head the ball and reversed direction. Which my understanding should have been recognized as an indicator of a dangerous play. I indicated disagreement by my facial expression and he smiled and signaled play on. So disappointment with calls will always be part of the game. (I suspect he played advantage, but I have no clue as all I saw was a foot coming at my face as I started to whip my back and neck forward.) When games are lopsided, refs naturally tend to let close calls favor the overmatched team. Add to that the ever present reluctance to call penalties, and you are going to see more no-calls than other teams especially in the penalty area. As for the little forward getting fouled, the no calls are really a testament to her playing ability. He is just applying advantage or trifling like he would with an older, better skilled players. As long as she is not in danger and is still a dangerous attacking threat it is actually good experience for her in learning to overcome physical play which she will certainly see in older age groups. She must be a really special player.
She's a beast for sure. Most girls on my team would not want to go against a bigger girl that has been beating her up. She was on the bench for a few and said "put me back in on the same side as #5. I want her!!!" She also has a twin sister (they look nothing alike) and they have totally different playing styles. The other sister has the best leg on the team. She's a great player too, but doesn't get as much glory. It's a fun dynamic to coach.
As I watch our middle school / high school kids play more and more I realize just how hard life must be as a ref some days. You have parents yelling at you from the sideline that Johnny was clearly fouled when in reality that gangly pile of arms and legs just tripped over his own two feet. You have two alpha males leaning into each other tussling for the ball, each fouling the other back and forth. You have kids kicking ankles rather than balls, some because they're frustrated at getting beaten, some because they're just...not...good. Then add in folks like my old high school coach who showed us how to tug jerseys and shorts in a way that won't get caught by most refs. I've even seen refs who have called a foul or throw-in in one direction only to have some kid grab the ball and kick / throw it in the other and the ref just threw up his hands. No, no I don't envy referees at all. I still chirp from the sidelines sometimes but I'm trying to be better. The only time I feel the need to say something is when it's going to get my kids - or the kids on the other side - hurt. That crosses the line.
You may be on to something there. My girls will grab a handful of jersey on occasion and it's usually very, very discrete. Other teams may be fouling us because they feel like we are fouling them first.
Yeah I used to be the victim of revenge fouling when I played because I played a very physical, aggressive form of defense - all legal, mind you, just physical. But it was enough to frustrate the kids on the other side and I'd get lots of elbows and kicks in the ankle. I was never subtle enough to attempt jersey grabs, but as a sweeper if I have to grab your jersey I'm probably taking you to the ground anyway.
My adult competitive playing experience was very different. Defenders rarely tried to play physical against me because of my size. I was 5' 11" and looked about 180 lbs., so only the biggest players would take me on. Then they would literally bounce off me because I was 25 lbs. heavier than I looked with a low center of gravity. If my marker started getting physical, I would just run through him (fairly) a couple of times instead of around him; then back off and see if he got the message. I never had to do it twice. I never initiated the physical play so the refs left me alone. One problem was I thought the real game was cleaner than it was. It took me a year before I realized how much dirty play was going on everywhere else on the field. The coach had me switch places with the right winger because of the mauling he was getting. The mauler instantly became the perfect gentleman, which was my first clue as to what the other players were actually dealing with.