Let me make it clearer. If the statements aren't positive, they are negative. No weasel words - they are negative. Yelling negative comments at kids while they are playing is not helpful.
I think you either misread or misunderstood my post. I posted those examples (work, run, etc) as yells, that, while not positive, aren't exactly negative either. Are there obnoxious parents out there? Of course. Some have been associated with my son's team. Should all parents have to be silent because some can't control themselves? For one game/weekend, I'm ok with that. An entire month? No. What's wrong with complementing a good pass or a good tackle? THAT'S my point.
I agree with what you have to say here. I don't agree with this statement. This is youth soccer we are talking about here. A 1 game suspension is not a big deal. Yes, its not the most fun thing and can seem draconian but its not the end of the world. If it sends the message and creates a better environment for the players, and club its a win/win. I'd also make the point that goals don't really matter unless they're playing a semi-professional or professional league. (again we are talking about youth soccer). Maybe development academy tracks the minutes, goals and clean sheets but I know most youth competitive leagues don't record that information. I hear what you are saying yet in the grand scheme of things I think this is where the US mentality on soccer places such a high emphasis on winning. I don't accept your premise of this one game suspension costing a kid a thousand dollars worth of scholarship. The top D1 schools begin recruiting around 14 and 15. By 17 and 18 they have an idea of who they are going to give their select full scholarship and partials. D2 has less money to go around usually but its fairly similar to D1 with a larger emphasis put on local kids and transfer students. Also recruiting has changed, considerably, often times student-athletes will become way more proactive with highlight videos, recorded training sessions, and communication. Most of the time if a coach is interested lines of communication will be open and coaches will go out of their way to catch a game where they are playing (not the suspended match). To say that it would cost kids thousand of dollars would be a huge stretch for me. That's a different perspective I didn't take into consideration. Although, I must admit I don't have children.
Except, that the recruiting and commitments are being finished now by age 16 for the higher levels. If you're are 17 and not selected, it may be over for you! Sadly.
And as promised, first day of a tournament with 5 u little matches. 4 of the 5 were dramatic blowouts, with one a 10 goal differential. Two of the 5 had coaches needing to be separated at the end. The 10 goal affair had a parent stopped from crossing the field to "give a piece of my mind to the coach." It wasn't even a misflighted team. The 10 goals against just sapped their spirit and at 4 or 5 they stopped trying. But, that didn't one father berating his daughter for not trying hard enough, it was 90 degrees, and their second game of the day. These summer select tournaments are too much. It's too hot, the kids have been playing for months, it's beach weather, and ALL THE 'KEEPERS HAVE LEFT! I witnessed a 10 year old getting berated post match. Another good player burst into tears after allowing a much better player to get by her twice. I saw some good coaching, but some atrocious coaching. If you as a coach know you are overmatched from the beginning, do you think it might be a good idea to park a bus and not put your defenders at the half way line? The team that scored 10 could have had 30.
Fixed it for you. By the time the kids hear the comment, process it in their brain and decide what to do, the situation has changed. The comment is no longer relevant, and may even be the absolute wrong thing to do now.
So, let's say Player A gets the ball around a defender and goes to score. Yelling to the defender or the keeper "It's OK, you'll stop them next time!" isn't helpful? I agree that telling a child what to do in the middle of a game doesn't work, but saying NO comment is helpful isn't true.
That's not what I was saying. I don't have a problem with a star player (or any player) getting a red card due to his or her own actions. I have a problem with a star player (or any player) getting a red card or suspension due to his or her parent(s)'s actions. I don't know if it would be possible to enforce, but I would support suspending misbehaved parents from attending games. If a professional athlete is playing and his or her spouse or parent gets ejected or arrested while in the stands, it could get media attention, but the athlete wouldn't be suspended because of his or her family. Why should it be any different for kids with misbehaved parents?
When I referee at college showcases, I sometimes have time to interact with the coaches during my down time. I enjoy talking to them about their careers and coaching and recruiting. One thing that a couple have said to me, they will without a doubt cross a prospect's name off their list due to parental behavior. So, there are real consequences for being a jerk. Also, female athletes cannot be coached in the same way men are. Just as they cannot be refereed the same way. My daughter played D3 in college. She is appalled at my stories of how too female teams are being coached at younger ages.
Oftentimes, when I am working as AR on the parents side that has an excess of "coaches", if the opportunity presents, I will tell them that they should relax because their kids can't hear them when they have the ball. And if the kid does happen to hear them, then they will have been distracted and are more likely to make a mistake in the confusion. Sometimes this gets them to quiet down a little..........
May I take this opportunity to dissuade you from doing that? Yes, I know it sounds like a good idea, but the reality is they will keep doing it.
At least according to CNN, it is about the referees. Will be interesting to see if they experience more retention... http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/07/health/south-carolina-silent-soccer-referees-trnd/index.html
Huh. While I think there is a lot to be gained from these events, I am utterly befuddled as to how telling parents they cannot yell to the kids has anything to do with referees. Article seems a bit garbled to me. I'm not convinced that connecting this to referees is good for referees or players. But no one asked me . . .
Yea, when I read the article I thought it was all about the referees as well. It made no sense to me. You want to have a "silent September" with no abuse of your officials. Simple, get some more field marshals at every complex, and have your League SQUASH the abuse by kicking those parents out at the FIRST sign of argument. The rules are in place. get off your butt and enforce them hard for a few weeks. I would bet you would see a better yield then just "asking nicely" to stop yelling at the reffs.
Half of their refs are teens or kids. A recipe for disaster. The sharks (fans) smell blood in the water as soon as they see a teen.
Speaking as a former player, a former coach, a dad, and a former ref, the answer is NO. It is not helpful. The players do NOT need to hear any type of coaching or "encouragement" (which is almost always a veiled criticism of some failing) from the parents during the game. None. When I watched my son play, I sat in my chair and kept my mouth shut. The only noise I made was to clap, cheer, or whistle when our team scored a goal. No words. The only people the players should be listening to during the game are their coach and the ref. Parents need to shut up. Completely. 100%. In fact, the only thing parents should say is basically "Good job" after the game is over. Then go get ice cream and go home. I know so many youth refs who quit reffing because of parents. Heck, I know adult refs who either quit or just don't find it fun any more because of parents. I'm one of them. I hate sideline parents with the burning hatred of a thousand suns. And when I coached, I regularly heard from my players about how obnoxious their parents are. Often they would apologize to me and to their teammates for the way their moms and dads were acting. When I coached, I told my parents to absolutely zip it on the sideline. I am the coach, and during the game your children are my players, and they should hear directions, encouragement, and instructions from no one but me and the ref. Period.
First, I hope you told parents about your "rule" before tryouts. I'd hate for my child to tryout, make a team, then at the first parent meeting (after all other tryouts are done) find out I'm not allowed to cheer them on. Second, I agree parents shouldn't coach/instruct the kids or hassle the refs. Some seem to not being able to separate "cheering" (IMO, permissible) from "coaching" or "harassing". Find me another sport (aside from gymnastics and golf) where cheering is discouraged. Last but not least, your claps, cheers, and whistles after a goal aren't helpful to kids, so they're not needed either, correct? So why do them? I agree with @Ickshter. If the coaches, managers, leagues, and officials would police the parents stricter, I don't think you'd have the problems you do now.
You really are obtuse, aren't you? I'll spell it out: words. Kids like to hear cheering and clapping. They do not like to hear, nor do they need to hear, any words. That's the difference.
We have a league that has a strict no coaching from the parents rule. I don't know at what point the parents were told, but they were very quiet from the start. They can cheer good plays and goals, but they can't give the kind of "encouragement" Sam Gordon mentioned earlier. In the first year they were very quiet. Because of the parental policy and the whole positive approach of the coaches I use those games as the first centers for young refs. It is a great way to move them from AR to Referee. There is absolutely no pressure on the refs. Since I give those games to young refs I haven't done any for a while. I've heard the parents have figured out what they can do, so there is a little more noise, but the first games were eerily quiet. I gather the coaches were pretty forceful in their admonitions against parental comments.
So kids don't like to hear "Way to go!", "Nice Pass", "Great shot"? I wonder if the kids would be better playing golf or doing gymnastics. Everyone's quiet during those events. Can parents yell too much or yell the wrong things? Absolutely! I've never claimed otherwise. But just because "Joe's" dad berates refs and coaches from the sideline doesn't mean all parents need to be silenced. How about the coach/manager/league take care of Joe's dad?
We all generalize from our own experience. Not every kid is the same. I think it easy to agree that clapping is appreciated. And I think we can all agree that excessive direction is completely unappreciated. Exactly where in between to draw the line is a lot harder. I think @Sachsen is right that many kids don't want to hear any words. But I also think @sam_gordon is right that some kids do appreciate the "that's all right" (and others perceive it as criticism). But where the line is best drawn is nuance and detail -- current practice in most kids leagues is so far from any line that there is a lot of progress to be made long before we worry about going too far.