We had our Spring Parent Meeting last night (u14B)… same old drill for the most part. For a lot of the kids, it’s their last season before starting High School soccer, which regardless of how you feel about HS soccer in general, is a big deal in my area. We really don’t look too far ahead with regard to the future with my son, but preparing for HS has certainly been our biggest goal the last couple of years. He’s excited for it; we’re excited for it… Like I say, pretty typical stuff…going over practice and tournament/game schedules; one coach kinda complaining about multisport kids (Track in this case), which includes my son; a couple of parents, by comment and questions asked, clearly more concerned about winning then development...that just under the surface tension regarding what team, tournament, league/cups everyone’s kid will be play on and for…even adding a few new players to add to everyone’s anxiety…. I kinda found it all rather amusing...not to say I haven’t been here, nor maybe will be there again (trust me, no harsh judgment in anything I am saying, I was a flippin’ basket case to start last season), but right now I’ve kinda hit a stage of Soccer Parent Nirvana…. At 14, soon to be 15, my son has played in 100’s of games; has spent a 1,000 plus hours on the practice field; he has touch a soccer ball a million times. He’s been on teams that have won championships; he has been on teams that have finished dead last. He has been the hero of the match, and the bum. He has walked off the pitch overcome with joy, and pissed off as hell. In a few months, he starts a new chapter in his soccer “career” with High School. From bench player on the JV to starter on Varsity, to somewhere in-between, whatever is going to happen, is going to happen… This isn’t say I think my son can rest on his laurels…far from it, I fully expect him to work hard, play hard… just that whatever trajectory he is on for that next step isn’t going to change much over the course of the next couple of months; and as a result, I am just not going to sweat the details…if he wants to miss a tournament for a Track meet, that’s cool…if he has to miss the Big Championship Game because he’ll be on a plane to DC that day for his 8th grade trip, not a problem…if all that means he has to be play a couple games with the B Team, sounds fun… I am walking into this season maybe the most stress-free, relaxed I’ve been in a long time…knock on wood it lasts awhile… Not really sure what the point of this post is, not meaning to brag or anything…it’s just the reflections and commentary of one soccer parent.. maybe you can relate, maybe you’ll just laugh at me…either way, it’s all good…
Your son sounds identical to mine, same age and grade as well. I assume your son is a decent player with time he's put in. I believe, however, that he hs been on championship and last placed teams, been a hero and a goat, will do him well through the rest of his career. He has probably learned to fight and battle and lead. Ideally those skills translate to real life in the future. You probably could have found the best teams to play on but he may never have hd those opportunities for growth that comes losing, winning, and having to battle in every game.
This is a great place to be. I--eventually--got there but what a journey. Congrats, and best wishes for your son going forward.
And that’s the thing, right? It’s cliché by now – like most clichés, it became one for a reason – but if we can’t somehow learn to enjoy the journey then what good is any of it? I encourage my guys to look back often, and to consider the people they’ve met and experiences they’ve had, all provided by the game. Just because you’re a teenager doesn’t mean you’re too young to look back and be thankful. And good on you, mwulf, for getting some of that particular brand of zen.
Cal Ripken 'wrote' a book on sports parenting that provided a lot of good advice. Notable was the "NO PGA" rule. No Post Game Analysis...if you want your kid to learn to dislike playing, spend the ride home telling them everything they did wrong. While I wouldn't say I was doing that, the book got me to simply ask the player how they thought the game went, make sure they gave themselves credit for what went well and offer some consolation for what they thought didn't go well. Often the player will offer better self-assessments than the parent ever could and will own the performance versus getting defensive, hurt or frustrated. Even today, when the youngest heads to a game the only advice is "Have fun, play well, good luck". It reduces the pressure on the player and allows for more discussion about the game in general versus focusing on their performance. If you intend to spend years in travel soccer, you want the conversation to and from the games/tournaments to be about school, friends, life..and soccer. By following the rules above it has been enjoyable and never negative.
I totally talk about games afterwards with my kid, but it's definitely not "telling what they did wrong" (which he generally knows himself already), but just analyzing the game as fans, talking about how particular players did, the lineups/coaching, things like that. It's ********ing fun, for both of us. This partially depends on the age of the kid though, we didn't talk games as much when he was 10 as we do when he's 14. Personally I think if the kid's into it, talk about it, if they're not, talk about what they're into talking about (if anything).
I try to record the games and then watch the footage, sometimes just alone but sometimes I show my kid and he likes to see it. This allows us to look at problem areas and work on those. I find video be a great tool; allows you to reference the problem area and review it.
That's what we've been doing. Not saying "here's what you did wrong", but more asking "what happened here" (could be something the coach said, another player said or did, or something DS or DD said or did). At work, when we have a big project, we try to get together pretty quickly afterwards to go over what went well, what didn't, what should be done in the future, etc. The idea is you do it while it's still fresh in your mind.