Soccer Movies

Soccer Movie: El Portero (The Goalkeeper) - 2000

In El Portero, a former Real Madrid goalkeeper known as the King of the Penalty Kick, travels the Spanish countryside, wagering men to score against him. Located in the picturesque area of Asturias, and set in 1948, the cinematography is gorgeous. In this story, the villagers and the underground openly express their opposition to the repressive military dictatorship via a comedic penalty kick shootout versus the soldiers. Director/writer Gonzalo Suárez says this wishful film--because the reality of the era is too depressing--is also about nature.

The making of featurette shows that nature played a large part in the movie, because filming the shootout on the beach was problematic with weather and tide disruptions. It also reveals that the script was quite flexible (ad hoc even?). Perhaps that's why the movie is very artful and good at portraying its characters, but the ending is asynchronous and rushed, as if they suddenly realized they had to hurry up and finish the story.

The only soccer is the PKs, and the actor had a month of training to look like a GK. I think they are using a youth-sized goal.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0261190/
DVD is on netflix. In Spanish with English subtitles, and it thas the making of featurette.

Maybe the real value of this movie to me was that I had to read up on the Spanish Civil War of 1936-1939. That helped me understand better the underlying regional conflicts on the Spanish MNT as well as the current economic crisis in Spain. Who says you can't learn anything from soccer movies? ;-)

 

Soccer Movie: Liberated Zone (Befreite Zone) - 2003

Liberated Zone (Befreite Zone) made me speechless. How can one describe how bad this German "comedy" is, and what it is really about? Three words: Nihilistic sex, and Racism. Sex is rampant throughout the movie (but surprisingly, no nudity) as all the couples, young and old, are cheating on each other.

Most disturbing though is the racism encouraged in this film. When a black player is brought to a small East German town, the fans throw bananas at him on the field. But they affectionately nickname him "Blondie" after he wins every game. However, after the team loses, two teens mug a Chinese shopkeeper they've named Jackie Chan, and when he kills one with a sword, the town burns down his shop. And finally, most of the story is actually an explanation of how a young wife ends up with a half-black baby. The plot of how the town's happiness rides on Blondie's success is really secondary to the sex.

The soccer in this movie is a shot of Blondie scoring on a header, used repeatedly.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0325056/
DVD is on netflix, but don't waste your time. This movie is such a downer, you feel depressed afterwards. In german with english subtitles.

 

Soccer Movie: Peloteros - 2006

Peloteros (the DVD title is "Street Soccer") means ball players, or in this context, footballers. The movie is a coming of age summer tale of six 14-15yo boys in a poor Peruvian neighborhood who enter a tournament to compete against 18yo's and semi-pro players. While the premise sounds family-oriented, the movie is disturbing.

The tournament requires uniforms, so the boys rob the local liquor store to raise cash. There is sex, nudity, masturbation, and domestic abuse throughout the movie. The boys smoke and drink beer and whisky while riding tricycles and playing with stuffed animals. As a going away present for the teammate who is moving to the USA, they commit another robbery so that they can treat themselves to a whorehouse. All the women are either whores or only get what they need through seduction. At the whorehouse, one boy finds out his mother works there. After the tournament, he shoots her husband. It kind of breaks up the band.

The soccer tournament in the movie is shot from such a long distance, it is difficult to see the play, but it looks authentic enough. At least the goal celebrations look real. But like the previous movie I reviewed ("Liberated Zone"), the real point of "Peloteros" is sex.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1042539/
The DVD is on netflix. It is in std def format and has no extras. In spanish with english subtitles, but this is another movie you should not waste your time on.

 

Soccer Movie: Soccer Dog - 1999

In "Soccer Dog: The Movie", a 34yo man who grew up in a orphanage, moves to a true soccer town. Realizing he can't participate in the fun without a son, he and his wife return to the orphanage to adopt a young teenage boy, who subsequently brings home a stray dog. When a player gets sick during a game, the coach subs in the dog to prevent a forfeit. The dog has a nose for the ball and leads the team to the championship while at the same time cementing the relationship between the orphan and his new dad.

"Soccer Dog" seems to have been made for TV. It is actually very well put together with many recognizable TV faces. Sam McMurray puts in a humorous performance as the clueless coach who rides the dog's fame to glory. Parts of the movie are absurd, and the soccer laws are stretched in more ways than just allowing a dog to play, but it's all in fun. Even though no soccer consultant is listed on the film, the play looks authentic, as it seems they found quite a few good local players in Vancouver, Canada. Roger Schumacher is the animal trainer.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0134969/
DVD is not yet on netflix. DVD has no extras and is in std def format.

 

Soccer Movie: The Boys in Company C - 1978

The Boys in Company C was one of the first films to portray the senselessness of the Vietnam War; it came out the same year as "The Deer Hunter". It's a war movie and not a soccer movie by any means. But, to borrow a phrase from Susan Jeffords, this film asks if a soccer game is a "thing worth dying for". As a company of Marines works its deadly way across Vietnam on worthless assignments under an unstable captain, they are given a chance to become an exhibition soccer team. But they must lose every game in order to bolster the corrupt government's winning team image over that of the Viet Cong.

This movie is gripping at times. Since I'm not a fan of war movies, nor am I a veteran, I can't say whether or not this movie is authentic. Before watching it, I had to google the reviews to see if it would be too much for me. Frankly, that wasn't much help because everyone compared this film to other war movies I have not seen, e.g., Full Metal Jacket.

But the movie is very well done. Writer/director Sidney Furie has a long pedigree of good movies. It's hard to believe he also did "Ladybugs" with Rodney Dangerfield! Stan Shaw and Andrew Stevens (son of Stella) do convincing acting jobs.

The soccer play is uh really a metaphor for soccer. The captain has the company learn soccer on the warship going over because he says the Vietnamese mind thinks in terms of soccer, not baseball. I was surprised to learn that wikipedia reiterates that soccer is Vietnam's major sport, brought there in 1896.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077270/
DVD is on netflix. There is an extra with commentary by Andrew Stevens, who went on to become a prolific producer (altho his company went bankrupt in 2004). But I did not listen to it.

 

Soccer Movie: Pilkarski Poker (Soccer Poker) - 1989

Pilkarski Poker (aka "Soccer Poker") is the first Polish movie I've watched, and frankly it was hard for me to follow. My buddy loved it tho, because it's about a referee. Laguna is a former star player who has risen to the top of the referee ranks despite his drinking. A co-op of owners bribes him to make calls that will ensure which team will win the premier league and which will be relegated. But Laguna hasn't taken bribes before, and all is not as it seems.

This movie came out around the time of Lech Walesa and his Solidarity-lead government, and perhaps in keeping with that time, this movie may have been an expose of sorts. But it was not until 2007-2008 massive match-fixing in the Polish leagues was revealed. Pilarski Poker also exposes quite a bit of nudity and sex. E.g., despite his snowy hair on top, a high-level referee is offered a choice of female fans as part of his bribe, and he selects 3 for his pre-game preparations.

The soccer in this movie consists of high-level shots of some game play. There are close-in shots of Laguna puffing around the field (he's quite a drinker). The most unnerving part of the movie for me was that the Laguna character looks so much like Stephen Rea. Otherwise, it was an interesting foray.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098096/
DVD is on netflix in std def. If you google Pilkarski Poker, it appears to be streamable from alot of places. I didn't try, as I don't know if these sites are safe. In Polish with English sub-titles. There is a 10 min interview on the DVD, but it is only in Polish.

 

Soccer Movie: A Major Inconvenience - 1999

This movie follows a virginal young man who puts all his energy into soccer. He has a chance to join the pros and thereby elevate his family from their welfare-level existence. But his focus is waylaid by an affair with the mother of the opponent who broke his nose.

My French is pretty limited, but "A Major Inconvenience" is a misleading interpretation of the original title "Un dérangement considérable". The english title and descriptions lead you to think this will be some frothy little cougar film. But the title could equally be "a considerably deranged moment". This downer flick ends in a flash of insanity after the opponent insults the new pro's mom. (What is it about insulting middle-eastern-ish french soccer players' female relatives?)

Except for the star, the soccer looks authentic, and the film is particularly adept at committing fouls.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0215277/
DVD is on netflix. There are no extras. In French with english sub-titles.

 

Soccer Movie: Kick 'N Rush - 2003

I know I'm in for a bad night when a movie starts off with a masturbation scene. Kick 'N Rush keeps moving very very slowly down that path and doesn't get any better. It's similar to "Peloteros" (Street Soccer) in its crude portrayal of the worst of a coming-of-age scenario. Four 16yo-ish boys on a soccer team drink, smoke, steal, break into summerhouses for fun, and only talk about sex.

The movie is apparently based on an amalgam of short stories but they are not tied together very well, so you are left scratching your head. E.g., the best player accuses the dad-coach of being a pedophile, but the issue is then swept under the carpet. The story has a young love romance, but it is clouded by one buddy molesting protagonist Jakob's girlfriend, while his 13yo sister tries to seduce Jakob. In an Amazon review, someone wrote that the original title "To ryk og en aflevering" is a euphemism for jerking off, so perhaps Jakob's name is meant to be eponymous. Don't puzzle yourself and just avoid this movie altogether, even though an essayist at the time ranked this movie in the top 20 Danish youth films.

The only good thing I can say about this film is that the youth soccer play looks authentic.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0350485/
DVD is on netflix. In Danish with English subtitles. DVD has no extras, just the trailer.

 

Re: Soccer Movie: Kick 'N Rush - 2003

No, I haven't seen them. Every soccer movie I've ever seen is posted in this thread, except for two. And even though I've now reviewed 70 soccer movies, there are still 70 more on my to-do list. The problem is, I can't get ahold of most of them.

 

Soccer Movie: When Beckham Met Owen - 2004

The pathetic filmmakers for this movie deceptively use Beckham's and Owen's names to attract attention. Which is understandable, because "When Beckham Met Owen" has no story to watch. The movie follows the life of a 13yo Chinese boy in Hong Kong. He goes to school, he watches Real Madrid on TV, he has a buddy, they play on the school soccer team, the buddy talks about girls, the boy says that's disgusting, and the team showers a lot. At the end, the boy tells his mom he's gay. The end.

Which raises an existential question. If a movie gives no clue it is a gay coming of age story until the very end of the movie, is it really a movie about gay issues? I don't think so. And this movie is not about soccer. The soccer is so spliced up that there is no sense of play. This movie is about nothing. Altho, I learned it was hard to buy a live chicken in Hong Kong during the bird flu epidemic.

And sadly, Writer-Director Adam Wong is exploitative of the young male actors with his repeated shower scenes where the camera dwells on their figures. He also has the boys remove their shirts to fight on a concrete soccer field. I just felt sorry for these actors.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0461938/
DVD is on netflix. A Chinese ripoff with English subtitles.

 

Soccer Movie: The Firm - 1989

The Firm was an episode of a BBC TV series in 1989. A young (30yo) Gary Oldman stars as Bexie -- a middle class father, real estate agent, weekend soccer player*, and the boss of a hooligan gang. His goal is to form a national firm so they have enough numbers to be a force "for England" at the Euro Cup. But really, the point of the movie is to show that these gangs exist for the brotherhood and "buzz" of subjecting their rivals to acts of brutality or vandalism.

Oldman performs his usual quintessential portrayal of a psychopath. But the movie doesn't really get to the heart of why he leads his dwindling group to the certainty of death, so you're left watching a performance without getting involved in the story. If you can only watch one movie about hooliganism-- and really, I recommend only watching ONE! -- don't watch The Firm. Watch Green Street Hooligans, it is 10x better.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095158/
DVD is on Netflix. Std def and no extras. In very difficult to understand English, so it's a good thing they have subtitles.

* It's funny to watch Gary Oldman run around on a soccer pitch. His legs are incredibly skinny. Oldman doesn't kick the ball in the 30" of play, I doubt that he can...

 

Soccer Movie: Soccer Dog: European Cup - 2004

It's kind of strange that, of the little information on the web about this movie, most of it is incorrect. The imdb description says this movie is about a porn star running a Scottish team, and other sites say this sequel to "Soccer Dog: The Movie" is about an orphan, a tournament, etc. They're all wrong--I guess no reviewers really watch these movies when they're about a dog.

So, I hereby set the record straight. "Soccer Dog: European Cup" takes place in Scotland and is about a 30ish pub owner and captain of the town team, who finds out that he is the father of a 13yo boy from New York. The boy befriends a dog that has escaped from a secret lab where it was injected with a chemical that gives him the intelligence of an average male human--i.e., smart enough to play soccer. Using the dog in a friendly game against a top European team, the new dad wagers his pub against the visitors' European Cup trophies.

This movie was released the same year as Euro2004, so I assume the title was just a shameless attempt to leverage fan interest. It would make sense, since the moviemakers are pretty shameless in everything they do in this movie, and actually the resulting film is not bad and is silly fun. The goalie has a fair resemblance to Mel Gibson and dresses like Braveheart. The three McNerd brothers reincarnate the Bash Brothers but with Braveheart wigs. The villain knocks off Dr Strangelove. Looks like the whole movie was shot in LA with maybe one Scottish actor. (The cast reveals itself in an extra on the DVD.)

There is quite a bit of soccer in the movie, and it's all pretty bad. I can't tell if the dog's play was all CGI. This is probably a good movie for kids except for one scene where the pub owner head butts his rival.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365770/
DVD is on netflix. In Std Dev with some extras (deleted scenes, bloopers, and meet the cast). In English.

 

Soccer Movie: World Cup Car Soccer - 2006

While my soccer movie quest has been going to the dogs, I had to go to the car as well. That is, a car soccer movie. This is not like Herbie, though. This DVD is JDM Option International Volume 26 and includes a "world championship" of two Japanese teams of 5 cars each playing car soccer. I could only watch about 10 minutes of the 75 minute recording, as it got pretty repetitive. They couldn't establish a winner until only about 3 cars were still drivable.

Strangely, the drivers were operating some fairly large cars -- vans and station wagons. I've seen stuff on youtube where the competitions are with very small cars. But the most interesting part for me was that the assistant to the MC was Christelle Ciari, a voice actress who does the English voice for the JR trains in Japan. You know: "The next station is Okayama". Uh, helps if you've been to Tokyo...

https://signup.netflix.com/movie/JDM-Option-World-Cup-Car-Soccer-Vol.-26/70055950
DVD is on netflix. In Japanese with english subtitles.

 

Soccer Movie: Air Bud World Pup - 2001

Air Bud World Pup is the third installment of the Disney Air Bud franchise, about a dog named Buddy who plays on all the sports teams at a high school. Buddy's owner doesn't know soccer but joins the team because of the new girl from England (who is the best player). Buddy not only plays soccer pretty well, but he fathers 6 puppies. The trio rescues the puppies from dognappers on the way to the State championship. The pups go on to form their own movie franchise. Highly productive, these soccer dogs.

In the last few minutes of the story, the movie switches to a Womens World Cup game between Norway and the US. Briana Scurry, Brandi Chastain, and Tisha Venturini are taking PK's in a shootout. Briana gets hurt, so Buddy subs in as GK to block the last PK. Kinda bizarre, but maybe your little girls will like that part of the story. As Tisha Venturini points out, before WWC 1999, the movie would have been only about boys playing soccer.

Like so many other kids soccer movies, this one is also shot in Vancouver, Canada. The DVD has a Production Featurette where you can watch the WWC scene being filmed and hear interviews with the US Women, the young actors, and the director. The soccer in the movie, coordinated by Steve Kirkland, is not terrible. The AR has some funny shots, and the center referee (Jay Brazeau) is huffing and puffing. Miguel Sandoval is very good as the coach.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0161220/
DVD is on netflix.

 

Soccer Movie: Chronicle of an Escape - 2006

Gritty and gripping, Chronicle of an Escape is a true story about innocents and leftists who “disappeared” at the hands of the Argentine juntas during 1976-1983. The filmmakers show how interrogators use torture, starvation, and humiliation to crush the human spirit. But while as many as 30,000 people became Desaparecidos, and are assumed dead, this story follows a young goalkeeper who escaped the detention facility known as Atila, or la Mansión Seré, after 121 days. Claudio Tamburrini and his 3 fellow escapees eventually went on to testify at the juntas’ war criminal trials.

There is very little soccer in the film, as in fact, Tamburrini was not a great goalkeeper and at first thought his incarceration was related to his being waived by the team. After watching this film, I was amazed to learn that post-escape, he obtained asylum in Sweden and went on to earn his PhD in philosophy. He is now a professor of penal and sports philosophy at the University of Gothenburg. He contributes articles to playthegame.org, an interesting website and annual conference organized by Idan, the Danish institute for Sports Studies, whose aim is “to strengthen the ethical foundation of sport and promote democracy, transparency and freedom of expression in sport”.

In 2002, Tamburrini published his autobiographical “Pase libre: La fuga de la Mansión Seré”, upon which the movie is based. Guillermo Fernandez, who planned the escape, became an actor and plays the judge who sends his character to Atila. Note that March 24, 1978 is now a public holiday, “Day of Remembrance for Truth and Justice”, in Argentina, honoring Los Desaparecidos.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0479354/
The film is also known as “Buenos Aires, 1977” and “Crónica de una fuga”. DVD is on Netflix. In Spanish with English subtitles. There is an extra making of feature with English subtitles.

P.S. When I watched the History of Soccer, they said the juntas used the 1978 World Cup as propaganda to camouflage the crackdowns they were perpetrating. This was brought home to me with a scene in the movie where the captors are entranced by the game on TV but the prisoners pass up their chance to assail them. Later, Tamburrini wrote an essay defending the ethical correctness of celebrating a WC victory when it was a tool for an oppressive regime. He and others pointed out that the mass celebrations were the first open demonstrations, and could have contributed to the subsequent fall of the juntas.

 

Soccer Movie: Kickoff - 2010

Kickoff is about the first game of the season for a man who puts together a 5-man gay team for a Sunday league. He wants his players to act manly like footballers, but instead this flamboyant, very buff crew is far out in left field.

Kickoff starts with a referee's nightmare where he is hit in the back of the head with a ball and then is lying on the ground being kicked by players. He wakes up to resume reading Collina's biography. With such a promising start, I wrongly thought Kickoff would be a clever movie. But instead, this British movie is an amalgam of a dozen characters whose stories literally run into each other on a 5v5 soccer pitch. British writer, director, songwriter, and actor Rikki Beadle-Blair says his process is to create the characters and then weave the story. A prominent gay activist, his productions and characters are about fighting homophobia, coming out, and being comfortable with one's self. Unfortunately, good intentions do not make a good movie.

For a film that takes place entirely on a soccer pitch, the soccer is almost absent. There is only about 2 minutes of play, as the players fight, preen, carry on, or try to entice the opposition. Some of the actors list soccer on their resumes, but it looks like none of them know how to play. Maybe the movie was staged to look that way.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1450326/
Streamable on netflix. The DVD reportedly has entertaining extras.

 

Soccer Movie: Below the Earth's Surface - 2008 (aka Gaping Abyss)

Below the Earth's Surface is a German action movie, made for TV, that is not really a soccer movie, but it has good production values and rolls along at a tense pace. Borrowing a scene from Jaws, the movie opens with a young couple on a frothy midnight swim. They get sucked into a giant sinkhole along with the entire volume of the lake. Nina, a student geologist and former miner, sees a trend in the lake, a garage, and other sinkholes. She theorizes that the local mining company did not fill up the mine shafts after the disastrous explosion that killed her brother. Not only is the hospital in line to collapse, but eventually she realizes, also the stadium (the Borussia-Park in Möchengladbach, site of WWC 2011) where her family members are watching the big game. She leads a party into the mine to set off explosives that will help fill itself with sand, but one miner is trying to kill them all. Very Exciting Stuff.

The soccer in this movie consists of stadium shots of the big game. You might want to avoid the stadium restrooms after this movie. Other scenes are borrowed from Armageddon and Journey to the Center to the Earth. If you're going to steal, steal from the best.

Original title is "Abgrund - Eine Stadt stürzt ein" (Abyss - A city collapses) or Gaping Abyss.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1232001/
A DVD with dubbed English is on Netflix. No extras on the DVD.

 

Soccer Movie: El Crack - 2011

With absurd humor, Chileano Writer-Director Nicolás López delivers a Southpark-like tale. Freddy, who calls himself Mr. Fantasia, fancies himself a top forward with fame in his future. But the only reason he gets any playing time is because his wife keeps murdering his competitors.

According to IMDB, this movie was made for TV with a $100k budget, but it feels like a feature film. The story is clever, and the acting is terrific. There is only a little soccer play, and most of it is to show how talentless Freddy is. But his passion to play, his coach's passion to win, and his wife's passion to support her hapless husband make convincing comedy.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2035497/
Streamable on Netflix. In spanish with english subtitles.

P.S. According to IMDB, López's early films include storylines such as a boy who is constantly interrupted while trying to toss off, and a love affair between a man and a plant.

 

Soccer Movie: Big Brother Trouble - 2000

Big Brother Trouble is a terribly boring kids movie from Hemisphere Entertainment. An 11yo boy is infatuated with his new 16yo neighbor, but he becomes outraged that she is attracted to his big brother, a star soccer player. Character actor Bo Hopkins plays the town mafioso who tries to get big brother to fix the big game point spread, first by bribing him and then by kidnapping him. Little bro and buddies to the rescue.

Alot of the movie centers around the younger boy's G-rated fantasies about the girl, and it's just not entertaining. Mario Lopez is the soccer coach. Calling him an actor is such an exercise in futility. There is a bit of fairly skilled youth soccer play, perhaps culled from the fields at Santa Clarita.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243927/
DVD is on netflix. No extras. In std def.

 

Kicking + Screening Soccer Film Festivals in 2012

I was watching the NY-Montreal game and saw an ad for the Kicking + Screening soccer film festival in NY next month. I went to kickingandscreening.com and discovered that the organizers (Greg Lalas is a co-founder) have 4 festivals this year, with 3 upcoming in NY, Portland, and London. However, I also looked at the screenings from London-2011, and I was disappointed to see that half of the 10 movies they showed were not new, and some I have already reviewed here. So I'm not sure what is the point of going to the festivals other than seeking celebrities. If anyone's been to a kicking and screening festival, please post here or let me know what the experience is like.