Interesting story. Anyone familiar with the organization? https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/nov/22/beverly-hills-soccer-referee-quits-parents PH
it was an AYSO-affiliated. The email-letter of the assignor-scheduler reads standard stuff, as in week-in week-out happenings to which most referees have become de-sensitised. However, during one of the matches within the AYSO's programme, EXTRA, there was a situation involving a boot, on one of the referee's leg. The website that guardian referenced (ankler, where it was initially reported), is misleading as there was some mention about softball. Daily Mail sprinkled it with pictures and more contemporary-spice from LA Weekly.
Grew up not far away, reffed a tourney there my first year as an AYSO ref. Like a lot of places, there are all kinds of people there. Proportion of entitled jerks is at or above the level in the surrounding areas. It's sad to me that a person so long and deeply involved got to the point of nuking the parents en masse. Help from fellow board members much? There's a lot here we don't know but I am not too different from this guy in terms of tenure and portfolio. I flatter myself I've been able to parlay some of that into effective change, and there is still stuff on my list. Come to Pittsburgh Avery, I'll get you some games.
Parents, Coaches and Referees, We are all in this together to create a fun, fair and safe experience for the players. However, the “we are all in this together” doesn’t mean that everyone gets to pick and choose how they interact with each other. The sideline has the toughest job of all. We want parents to cheer and not make comments to the referees, the coaches and nor even to the players that crosses the boundary of being the cheering squad. This is a tough job. Impulse control is incredibly hard, particularly when it involves our children. The job of the Referee crew is to apply the Laws of the Game, as best as they can, taking into account the age and player ability. Comments from coaches and parents, even when well meaning, is at best a distraction and, although it may be unintended, disrespectful to volunteers who are just trying to do their best. We entrust our coaches with precious cargo. Coaches are the direct link to the players. Comments from the sidelines, however well meaning, are at best a distraction and, at worst, disrespectful. Please let the coaches coach, the referees referee and the players play. If we all follow the rules, the players will benefit the most. We are all going to make mistakes, referees and coaches alike. But it’s the players who make the most mistakes…and that’s the only way they learn. It’s a lesson we should all heed. As we finish the regular season and enter the play-offs please be kind to everyone. Take a deep breath and take a few seconds to think about what you are going to say out loud. As a Referee, as a Coach and as a parent, I know that impulses are hard to control. So, do it for the kids. Lead by example. Cheer and say nice things. This will be my last year as your Referee Administrator and I will no longer be the Game Scheduler. And there’s a reason, I have come to despise so many of you and I hold so many of you in contempt. Your behavior on the sidelines has, for far too long, been disrespectful and you are damaging the children. You have said nasty things to and about too many Referees and it must come to an end. I can no longer be involved with so many people who feel so entitled. People threatening to write up a Referee because he was wearing a protective boot was the last straw. The behavior on the sidelines has been dispicable too often. It’s too bad, the vast majority of you are wonderful people but I need to depart the land of entitlement where too many of you think that everything has to go your way and you take every comment or email I write as a personal attack on something you hold dear, when all I’m doing is trying to get your attention that you have an obligation to volunteer. So, I’m done…and it’s your loss. I will continue to referee but I will no longer, as of December 17, be involved in the administrative matters of REDACTED. Should there be a concerted effort to change the culture in REDACTED, I may consider a return. The Board needs to lead by example and too many behave as if they are the most entitled. Still, it is you, the parent body, who need to make significant changes to your behavior. You may not like my tone but everything I have written is the truth. Let’s enjoy the play-offs and let’s be respectful.
If you've ever served on any type of Board, it's not shocking that they threw this guy under the bus. Folks have their own agendas for serving on boards, and they ignored the misbehavior of the fans. When you're officiating in a upscale neighborhood, you definitely hear different comments as there is definitely truth that folks feel "entitled". However, there are also clubs/organizations that have a zero tolerance policy and you have parents in those neighborhoods who will joke with you on your way off the field. The only thing I know about AYSO is what I've read here and from others. I don't think this guy got burn out, like this supposed source said. He simply had enough of the nonsense from adults in an organization that claims to promote fun. I applaud him that he emailed his reason for leaving so that folks can hear it from the source, rather than leaving others to speak for him or speculate.
I don't think he was harsh enough. It's bad here, but I'm sure it's worse in the "I expect everything to go my way" enclave of Beverly Hills.
I am RRA for our AYSO Region, so I understand his challenges. It is hard to staff 132 game slots very Saturday for free. Complaints/objections from people who do not volunteer themselves is annoying at best. My approach to addressing the problem is a combination of mentors on the fields, expectations set with parents at the start of the season (letter from Regional Commissioner), and targeted interventions with selected parents. In the end our town is not that large, although we have 4% of the population playing rec soccer. The mayor is one of my referees. AYSO is a dream compared to my club, high school, college club, and adult games. The challenge is to recognize when you are reaching a boiling point and losing the joy of the game. Sometimes it is good to take a break or conciously avoid certain communities/teams. What do you do to keep rudeness from affecting you?
Loved the part some of the worst offenders wrote tespo ses of support,assuming they weren't the ones he was talking about. I am familiar with that lack of self awareness.
I have begun selectively responding, immediately, to instances of rudeness. There are definitely times we need to avoid rabbit ears, have thick skin, etc. but sometimes the right verbal kung-fu can cut off future episodes that day...and maybe the next week, season, etc. I was CR recently on a U10 (!) game prepping an AR for his first center (he was doing the second one). Red attacker trips on the ball in the PA, and a parent decides to scream "Are you gonna call that?" I waited for the ball to go out, strode as commandingly as I could to the touchline, and said: "I don't know who said that, and I apologize for having to address you all. I don't want to hear any more of that today. Are we clear?" The guy I was mostly sure responsible said "Yup, I won't say anything else," and a few other people nodded. More to the point, there was none of that the rest of the game. Little steps. I know we should never address fans but in that moment, that day, that ref needed to end this NOW. Over to you, next week's ref.
I’ve said this before: those of us with more experience who could have thick skins owe it to ththe new and less skilled referees to stop inappropriate behavior instead of ignoring—we need to help set the tone of what is expected. It takes time and effort—from the Board and the coaching staff—to set the right tone for an AYSO Region. A good AYSO Board makes clear to coaches and parents that it doesn’t matter how badly the ref screw up (which will happen), certain behavior is not acceptable. I’m lucky to be in a Region where that synergy between the Board, coaching staff, and referee staff exists. And the Board is completely ready to suspend coaches or parents who don’t get the message. Too many parents need prodding to understand that the more they act like jerks to refs, the worse the reffing is going to be, as the volunteers aren’t going to stay if they get abused, which means there are more newbies.
I’m trying various things this season. I ejected one parent when I suggested if he is not enjoying the game, he could go to the parking lot, and he said he would meet me there. On an outburst in a different game, I just looked at the outburstor, smiled and shook my head. On another outburst, when a parent said we had some “dumb ass referees” I explained that right there was why we had two referees (dual) instead of three. That we “can’t get enough referees that want to deal with parents like you, and we got a raise.” Not me, but one parent asked a referee how much money he was getting for that game, and he said $100, “but if you will pay $150, I will start calling the game your way.” Most spectators laughed at that. But the parent went to the tournament director in a huff and he laughed at her too.
I was speaking to some other refs the other day about how frustrating it is to take criticism and not be able to respond in kind. One said, “well, a player told me that I sucked, and I said “not as badly as you do, kid.” I don’t think I could ever bring myself to actually say such a thing to another adult, much less a youth. But day in and day out, to take almost universally undeserved criticism without any ability to respond or defend oneself seems inherently unhealthy. This illness, i imagine (since I don’t do AYSO) would be worse in a volunteer situation: injustice is hard enough to take even when you are getting paid to receive it. Also, people value what they pay for: the fact that everyone knows that the refs are volunteer may mean they are less respected and less valued, and so probably get more stick than if they got paid a fair game fee.
I don't know about that--I suspect it varies by locale. Many parents are oblivious and don't realixpze that AYSO refs are volunteers, especially at the older levels. And where I am, many parents with kids doing both Ayso and club have opined that they, on average, get better refs with Ayso than club. I'm sure that varies by location. But I do think that volunteers can be turned off by the misbehavior faster than those that are getting paid for the abuse.
I'm not sure if this still happens, but a smaller club not far from mine was a few years ago requiring new Travel parents to attend a Laws + Rules clinic. Lotsa overhead for a big club like mine, but it always struck me as a good idea.
Yeah I mean there's nothing written on the back of the badge says we have to tolerate this knuckle-dragging behavior. Maybe word gets out a couple guys get real-life consequences for this entitled sociopathy, it stops.
@Bubba Atlanta May I kindly suggest you edit to delete your last post. This board works because it doesn't get political. I'd hate to see that change.