Parental Burnout

Discussion in 'Youth & HS Soccer' started by ppierce34, Sep 18, 2018.

  1. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    U 11 daughter - ECNL club. Anyone experience this? Long story short we're at a club that is about 45 minutes away. Practice is 2-3 days a week and we only have 1 person to carpool with. I am constantly having to leave work early to get home and pick up my daughter for practice and i don't have the type of job where that is ok i.e not in sales, dont work from home etc...Its KILLING me.

    So basically driving 90 minutes 2-3 times a week (when its my turn) and sitting at an 1.5 hour long practice as i obviously cant go home in between. Games are anywhere between 45 minutes and 2 hours away and they schedule 2 games each Saturday. One early and one late afternoon. So basically every weekend has that tournament feel where you sit around and wait for hours between games. Total weekend killer. Issue is the club is great, training is great and my daughter is very happy. What to do, what to do??? I also have a 6 year old son who is now starting to play and oh yeah a Wife who would leave the club yesterday.
     
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  2. ctsoccer13

    ctsoccer13 Member+

    Mar 25, 2002
    Connecticut
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    welcome to the club. I'd say most parents are in the same boat. And most of us just suffer through it. Which sucks. Carpooling works, even for games. I have a thirteen year old boy in the DA and a 10 year old girl in the same club playing NPL. Just drove 2.5 hours each way for a 60 minute game that started at 5:00pm on a Sunday night. Believe it or not, I've just started missing some games after all these years to do some stuff for myself. You need it. See if someone can bring the kids to the games every once and awhile. Sit down with them and explain that you physically can't be at every game in order to run your life and theirs. Alternate with your wife so that she goes to one game and you go to the other. Or if one of you needs the whole day, then the other goes to both games. I've also seen players in our club train with the year down (or up if possible) on different nights if the schedule just didn't work for the parents/kid. But that's a club decision. I don't know how to help you on the work front. Sit down and talk with your boss? Maybe he/she will understand if they've had kids about just how hectic it can be. Commonality is always a good place to start. Just my 2 pennies.
     
  3. Iniesta62106

    Iniesta62106 New Member

    Sep 17, 2018
    Just because your daughter is happy now doesn't mean she wouldn't be happy elsewhere. You're giving up your life for a ten year old's sports schedule.

    My daughter is only a little older and also at an ENCL club (we are lucky to have home fields less than fifteen minutes away.) She is happy. But she is also happy playing soccer at recess. Playing soccer with kids at the park. Playing soccer with her younger brother in our house and ruining all my walls and furniture ;)

    If your daughter truly loves to play she can be happy playing in any number of places. If she is so dominant and competitive your local clubs have nothing to offer, have her play on a boys' team or play up. But get your life back. Tell your child that your family life is bigger than her soccer practice.

    It's scary to "take your foot off the gas," when you know there are thousands of families who won't. But the reality is that there is not a lot of money in women's soccer, either collegiately or professionally. And if she loves to play she can find a local way to do that through college and beyond. And if she is that driven, that dominant, remind her of all the touches she is NOT getting while she sits on her butt for 90 minutes, commuting to soccer as a ten year old. Play locally and then do Techne at home for 30 minutes a day. She'll be a better player and your family will be better off, too.
     
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  4. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Good stuff thanks for the response. My concern is if i'm getting burned out, it has to be right around the corner for her. No way a 9 year old can enjoy getting off the bus at 4:15 and jumping in a car at 4:45 for an hour ride. Her friend was sleeping in the car yesterday.

    What is Techne?
     
  5. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    #5 VolklP19, Sep 18, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2018
    I"ve been doing this shit for 6 years - club 50 minutes away!

    This year we switched clubs and brought with us a few players - one is an 05 boy (daughter is an 05 girl). We commute weekly and it's not that bad. Monday my daughter is from 445-6PM and then the 05 boy goes from 6PM -730. I can run during practice and then both of them get homework done while the other is out on the field. Wednesdays they do it all again but then stay from 730-8PM for Strength and conditioning - the other family drive then. Then on Friday I drive for practice which is later at 700-830PM for both.

    The only draw back about club is the late nights and dinners - hard to always eat healthy when you get home at 930PM.

    Home field is at least an hour away - we play in the MCL.

    My biggest problem is that I run a club with 10 teams and my coaches are mostly volunteer so I am all over the place on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Mondays I work from home so I am out lining 5 fields.

    Saturdays I coach 2 u10 teams - my daughter plays for me as well as her club which as someone else mentioned provides variety and a larger measure of fun.

    I am drinking more - that's for sure. Seriously last Saturday I put down a half a handle of gin in 3 hours along with 4 shots of aquvit.

    Talk about burnt out!

    However most of my burn out is on coaches who are working under me not training in a way that I prefer - and me not having the time to spend with them.

    The time I get with my daughter is priceless - whether in the car or on the field. Her mom has maybe made 8 games in the 7 years she's been playing club and maybe driven to 1 or 2 practices. That's one reason she's my ex. :thumbsup:
     
  6. Iniesta62106

    Iniesta62106 New Member

    Sep 17, 2018
    http://www.technefutbol.com/

    App-based footskills training. Good stuff. You can register with some of the gas money you won't be spending. Also tons of free material available online, of course. If your daughter is hyper-competitive she will like the leaderboard.

    I share your burnout concern. Maybe twice a season I offer my daughter a chance to skip training. She works really hard and it is a LOT (as you know.) "It's such a beautiful night! Do you want to take a night off and just get ice cream?" She has never taken me up on it. I actually don't really want her to skip, but I don't know how else to sneakily check in on how much fun she is having and how tired she might be getting. In some ways she is very mature, but she also still sleeps with a doll. I'm worried that I project my adult drive and determination on her - always wanting to keep that in check.
     
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  7. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN

    I think that really shows her that you arent pressuring her to go if she doesnt feel up to it (even though you secretly want her to go). One of the main issues leading to burnout is parental pressure so that goes a long way.
     
  8. TheKraken

    TheKraken Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    United States
    Jun 21, 2017
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Yeah, I had some burnout recently.
    Regular season game - 4 hours and one state away from home.
    Late morning game. Decide to go up the night before.
    Get call that night right after getting to hotel, game cancelled due to impending rain storm.
    Stayed night anyways and we drove back in 4 hours of driving rain thanks to remnants of tropical storm Gordon.
    Ahhh, the joys of travel soccer.
     
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  9. sam_gordon

    sam_gordon Member

    Feb 27, 2017
    OK, this looks cool as hell. Then I looked at pricing.
    Individual
    $280/year or $38/month (depending on how you want billed)

    Group
    Up to 5 players (family): $600/year
    Up to 50 players (college): $1250/year
    Up to 30 players (team): $1500/year
    2 teams (club): $2000/year + $50/team/year

    It probably doesn't seem like much to others, but on top of existing club fees, travel fees, equipment fees, etc, as a parent, I just don't know that I want fork that over.
     
  10. ThePonchat

    ThePonchat Member+

    Columbus Crew SC
    United States
    Jan 10, 2013
    NKY
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Why not join a club that is more local? Seems like the obvious fix.
     
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  11. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN

    Yep working on it. Issue is its a major downgrade in soccer. So weighing the options.
     
  12. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    That all depends. Id your player on a top ECNL or secodnary ECNL team? Is she one of the best players or at the bottom? How does she feel about having more time to do other "stuff" by downgrading.
     
  13. Terrier1966

    Terrier1966 Member

    Nov 19, 2016
    Club:
    Aston Villa FC
    To clarify, the issue is parent burnout, player burnout or both?

    Understanding you don’t work in sales, can you talk to your employer about some flexibility? Many, but not all, will agree to some adjustment. But you should ask.

    Assume wife has job/other responsibilities so she can’t take one night a week?

    Sounds like you rotate weeks with the other family if you are driving 2-3 times a week. Would there be any benefit to alternating trips? Not sure if you are better off leaving early 1 day a week every week or two days every other week.

    Any chance somebody else lives on “your side” of the club? Talk to the team manager and see if they have any suggestions. The club might know of a player in a different age group but similar commute. As suggested above, you might be better being there for two practices 1 time a week than going 2 days.

    We used to drive one of our 3 to somebody’s house and they took them the rest of the way and back. Not exactly a zero impact situation but it really helped with 3 in travel soccer at same time. Other times we picked them up and saved their parents the trip.

    I’m not a big “do whatever your kids want” person but if there is a chance your player is really good, I think you should do your best to support it. Each year things can change, including new players near you, new practice sites etc.

    I’d suggest sticking with it for a season or a year and then reevaluating. Don’t quit during, that is a decision you can’t undo and will impact options in the future.

    If my kid loved to play the drums and unbiased people thought they were very talented, I’d drive them. If they played the drums for something to do and people felt they were meh, I’d find a teacher closer to home.
     
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  14. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Not ECNL yet she's U11 so basically 2 more years. The Club is an ECNL club.
     
  15. sam_gordon

    sam_gordon Member

    Feb 27, 2017
    OK, I'm curious. I see you're from Ft. Wayne, that's actually where I grew up (Leo). Where are you going that's 45 minutes away with a strong club? That's basically in between Ft Wayne and Indy or South Bend. There's really nothing to east or north that I recall.

    It's been 30 years since I left, so my memory is probably faulty.
     
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  16. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Not from Fort Wayne. Just randomly chosen spot as I've posted some club and coach specific critiques and if i posted locale it would be pretty obvious where we played.
     
  17. StrikerMom

    StrikerMom Member

    Sep 25, 2014
    Yep - been doing it for 3 years. No double games on Saturday though. How is this even allowed??? We carpool when we can and only one of us goes to a game a lot of the time. The leaving work early is a killer! I have to stay late on the days she doesn't train.
     
  18. StrikerMom

    StrikerMom Member

    Sep 25, 2014
    Something I do towards the end of the season is go watch the local team practice or play in a game. If your daughter has been playing at a higher level and is serious about her soccer you'll realise that you are doing the right thing.

    However, U11 is a bit too early in the game to be burnt out! Perhaps she can play up a year locally, do sprint training locally in off season and get private training 1x a week/month in whatever larger town you were travelling to. We didn't start travelling with my daughter until she was U13.
     
  19. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    Here is what I posted on my FB after getting home at 10PM last night...

    I feel like I spent the whole weekend in Aurora, my car, soccer fields and porta-potties.

    I had to stop by Dicks Sporting Goods for another chair and used the washroom there - It was like a 5 star experience!
     
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  20. CornfieldSoccer

    Aug 22, 2013
    This was one of the two weekends a year when my son's club hosts a tournament -- lots of volunteering, but also time to mow my yard between games, and eat at home at least a couple of times instead of another Buffalo Wild Wings. Leftovers never tasted so good.
     
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  21. mwulf67

    mwulf67 Member+

    Sep 24, 2014
    Club:
    Chelsea FC
    Home tournaments are always a nice change of pace....and I swear, the only thing keeping Buffalo Wild Wings afloat are youth soccer teams…
     
  22. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Dont forget Chili's. I've been to more Chili's over the past year then the previous 25.
     
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  23. CornfieldSoccer

    Aug 22, 2013
    Red Robin, too. And the quick turnaround between games go-to, Jimmy John's.

    Full credit to the Super Y parent rep who, last summer, made sure the team hit a place every away Saturday night that wasn't a chain. Double thumbs up to her.
     
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  24. Terrier1966

    Terrier1966 Member

    Nov 19, 2016
    Club:
    Aston Villa FC
    One practice we came across too late in our travel soccer life was the team that broke up responsibilities across several parents versus encumbering one team manager with everything.

    They had a dinner person who only was responsible for finding places to eat. So instead of the safe bet, chain places, they had the time to find better food and better times at local places.

    That does require having more than one organized parent but was better than having one under appreciated, over worked parent get burnt out...brings it back to the thread deftly.
     
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  25. wanderingpress

    Apr 6, 2001
    Charlotte, NC
    Club:
    Coritiba FBC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I'm in the same boat ... 8- and 11-year-old boys; good players in a good academy -- and futsal; work/carpool restrictions; not unusual to have games at different locales; wife works weekends and would prefer to go to the beach on her free weekends instead of sitting on a sideline with a bunch of jackasses yelling at a bunch of little kids.

    Last weekend games were cancelled on a stunning sunny Saturday due to a week of rain and we went for an awesome autumn hike; didn't miss a thing.

    I have played and loved this game for 40+ years and am now asking myself why I'm doing this. Is it to help them get into a better college? Or is it to pass along something that I enjoy? And how can I pass it along when it's not enjoyable to me? My mother put me in soccer when I was 5 and kept me in the game because I enjoyed it. Now I have them in the game for a completely different purpose that I can't even remember!

    On off days the other dads work on technique or drills, while my boys get super excited because it means the three of us can go out the field and play World Cup together for FUN ... which is way better than practice.

    Yeah, I'm on the edge.
     

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