I am a dad. I am a coach. I no longer coach my 10 year old. But I do my 12 year old. 10 year old daughter is playing for a coach that I really like(d). He's in his mid 20s. I like him because he seems to understand how to work with kids. He also played at a pretty high level (but I don't think that is as important for youngers) My daughters best friend is also on the team. She has been there for 2 years. My dd just joined at the end of this fall. They are both pretty good players. But they might goof off a bit in practice. (Part of the reason I stopped coaching her. She's talented and hard working, but not great with feedback from dad). I learned today that he has been trying to motivate them by asking "who's better?" And does little contests here and there with them. Juggling. Races. Goals in a game. And then he'll say "I guess we know who is better now". For olders and for boys, I don't have as much of an issue with this. But these are 2 girls who are 10 years old and have been best friends for 3 years. Their friendship is more important to me than my kid getting a little bit better in soccer. Is my concern valid? Or am I overreacting. I don't plan to say anything to the coach unless I hear that either one of them winds up in tears over it.
I think he is trying to introduce a "competitive cauldron" as promoted by Anson Dorrance. He uses it for college players and advocates its use by High School coaches. Even for High School kids or boys, I don't like the coaches approach. "Who's better?" is judgmental (compare to "who won today" which refers to the performance rather than the person) and is not motivational. Coaching U10 girls, I ran competitive practices, in a fun, positive atmosphere. I praised everyone and especially praised effort even when execution failed. I don't think having competition during training is a problem, but I think your concern is valid.
I have a daughter I coach now too at age 7. I think we have to step back and see what happens AND be prepared to guide them through any negative feelings that may develop.
Here are some articles recommending that coaches praise effort rather than results. The last two go more into why. http://devzone.positivecoach.org/re...p-praise-effort-not-performance-motivate-kids http://devzone.positivecoach.org/resource/video/effort-talent-passion-and-determination http://www.teamusa.org/~/media/USA_...oachMag_Win 09_Vol 21_Mindset_Carol Dweck.pdf http://socialpsychonline.com/2016/07/psychology-success/
I'm the director of of my club and a parent coach as well. I have an 8 year old girl in academy and a 11 yr old son. I coach them both and I told them at the beginning that I was going to be harder on them than anyone else because my expectation is higher for them and they are a direct reflection of me, our family, and the club. My son calls me coach at practices and games which was his choice to do. However I have to show the whole team that I'm not going to take his crap so he does a whole lot of planks in the corner of the field. My initial reaction to your post was to reply with SMACK THEM. because I always want to smack them... but we are not allowed and smacking kids although it has entertainment value doesn't always produce the desired response. Just make sure your kids and their friends are disciplined the same way you would handle the rest of the team. Be fair when they are goofing off. Set expectations with them. If another player talked back to you would you just let it go? Motivation is only going to work with open communication with them IMO or Smack'em
I think rca2 is right. The coach is trying to add competition, but may not be doing it in the most productive way. It may not be an issue if the kids that lose the race, or juggle less still feel valued. Just watch for it becoming the Hunger Games. I once knew a coach who would pit the kids against each other. "Jimmy why are you so slow? Even Billy is faster than you Jimmy, right Billy?" Kids will always want to please the coach, especially if they had to try out to be on that team. We know Jimmy already feels like crap having the coach call him out, now he has enlisted a teammate to do it. Billy won't be brave enough to stand up to the coach to protect Jimmy. Stuff like this causes irrevocable harm and is why kids quit sports.
Bit of an update here. As mentioned, my kid joined this team in the Spring. Some of the girls have been on the team for 2 or 3 years now. I think the little "contests" between the 2 girls has stopped, but another little issue came up last week. Keep in mind, this is an 07 team. So 9 and 10 year old girls. They will play in the 2nd of 3 "flights" in a club league. My daughter was named a permanent captain last week.. She was super excited, but I had some trepidation. Something like this can go to a kids head if they aren't prepared for a leadership type of role. Is any 10 year old prepared for a formal leadership role? I've seen trained adults become a-holes after a promotion. And I don't know that her peers are ready to be "led" by my kid yet. The coach reached out to me after the weekend and said how pleased he was with her attitude, willingness to play any position and her effort. I told him that she thrives on praise and thanked him for the kind words. I tried to give my daughter some advice on how to deal with this. Don't be bossy. Help out. You need to always give your best effort and lead by example. No messing around when the coach is talking, etc. One of the girls on the team (who is a great player) was upset to hear that she wasn't named a captain. Possibly in tears. Without me saying anything, my daughter approached the coach and asked if they could both be captains. I could also tell that her best friend on the team was a little bit bummed out. They usually talk and/or hang out every day. The best friend went dark for a few days. All seems fine now, they had a sleepover last night and are doing some fun stuff together today. For my teams, I always named a new captain each week. Really their only job was to participate in the pre-game coin toss. And maybe lead the warm up. For my older team (G04- 12 and 13 year olds) I named permanent captains for the first time this year. We have 3 girls in 8th grade and 12 in 7th grade. I named all 3 of the 8th graders as captain. Are all 3 the best players/best leaders? Who knows. But I wanted them to go into High School next year saying "I was a team captain". I'll have to rethink things next year.
When my son was U-10 the coach named one kid as captain. It kinda backfired. He wasn't the most supportive kid on the roster, to put it nicely. It became a license to bully.