Keep a player or not?

Discussion in 'Coach' started by Timbuck, Oct 11, 2015.

  1. Timbuck

    Timbuck Member

    Jul 31, 2012
    I need some advice here.
    I coach a gu11 competitive team. I've coached this team since u9. A few players have left, but I've never cut a player before. We've had tryouts and there have been girls that I haven't selected. But once they make the team, I have been adamant about keeping them with me. Even if the 2nd coming of Carli Llloyd showed up. I don't like the thought of breaking the heart and spirit of kids still in elementary school.
    I have a very good player that shows up to things sporadically.
    During our summer practices and tournaments, she missed most of them. I'm ok with this, because summer is a "bonus" season. I tell people that they shouldn't alter their vacation plans or leave a day at the pool/beach to come to soccer practice. But most of the kids show up because they like it. Some even bring older/younger siblings to practice. I'm also pretty "chill" about attendance during our Spring season. Several kids play other sports and I tell them that those other sports should take priority over soccer during Spring.
    But for Fall, I want them dedicated to soccer and this should be their primary activity.

    The kid loves soccer. But her mom is a freak. She's divorced and has a boyfriend that is pretty creepy. She tends to give him priority treatment over her children. (Example: Last summer it was her daughter's birthday. It was her boyfriends on the same week. She threw a big party for the boyfriend and invited 2 of her daughters' friends to come along for the kids birthday).

    They recently had an issue with a flood in their house (A pipe leaked. It happened in my house this summer and we lived in a hotel for 60 days). They've been staying about 20 miles away from their home while it gets fixed. Our practice and home game field is about 2 miles from their home. So, it's a little bit more of a drive to get back and forth. But they are coming to grab her from school each day anyway, so they are in the area at the time of our practices.
    She missed both practices last week. This weekend, we have games on Saturday and Sunday. She assured me that would be at both of the games. 40 minutes before our Saturday game was due to start, the mom sends me a text "Have living arrangement nightmares. Have a place on Monday, but heading out of town until then. Tried to make it to the game, but just unable. Assure you things will be back to normal this week. I feel awful."
    Then I find out that the mom and her boyfriend attended a concert last night that was about 40 miles away. So if they "went out of town" it wasn't that far and I don't think they were anywhere far away at 9:00 am on Saturday morning.

    We have a 15 player roster and play 11v11. Our league max is 15. But I have another player who has been dealing with vertigo issues. I got an exemption from our league to add a 16th player because of this. I had a ROCK STAR wanting to fill this 16th spot. I decided not to expand our roster because I wanted to ensure everyone on the team got good playing time. I can't add anyone now, but now I'm pissed off. I had a player that wanted to be on our team and would be there. And now I have a player who I can't count on to show up.

    Sorry for the long rant. Just want to vent a little and get some feedback before I decided what to do here.
     
  2. rca2

    rca2 Member+

    Nov 25, 2005
    I didn't see any comment to indicate that the player has any problem at all other than things she cannot control. Some coaches would personally give the kid a ride to and from practices and matches. I am not saying you should or that I would, I am just trying to give you some perspective. So you play with 2 subs instead of 3. What is the problem again?
     
    Deep Wilcox repped this.
  3. Timbuck

    Timbuck Member

    Jul 31, 2012
    Thanks. We have driven her to and from quite often and are happy to do so. We even took her to a travel tournament with us and covered all of her costs while out of town. And did so happily.
    The kid is great. And I feel bad for her.
    Today- we have a 4pm game. I have a kid with the flu. And another got dinged up yesterday. So, without her I have 12 players today. It's 94 degrees here and we are playing on an oven of a turf field. Leaves me with 1 sub.
    I feel like maybe I need to give the mom some tough love on this. Not the kid.
     
  4. J'can

    J'can Member+

    Jul 3, 2007
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Beef is with the parents not the player. as long as the player is a part of the set up, do your best to encourage and incorporate him/her. who knows, the soccer involvement may just be be only thing he/she is looking forward to for some sense of normalcy.
     
  5. nicklaino

    nicklaino Member+

    Feb 14, 2012
    Brooklyn, NY
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    "I coach a gu11 competitive team. We've had tryouts and there have been girls that I haven't selected. But once they make the team, I have been adamant about keeping them with me. Even if the 2nd coming of Carli Llloyd showed up."

    Trust me find a place for her. You can still keep the ones you have :)
    -----

    " I don't like the thought of breaking the heart and spirit of kids still in elementary school."

    Most of us feel the same way no matter how old the player.
    -----

    "During our summer practices and tournaments, she missed most of them. I'm ok with this, because summer is a "bonus" season."

    If she decides to play on your bonus season she has to show up for most of those. If she can't the family has to be told then don't go out for the bonus season.

    ------

    "I tell people that they shouldn't alter their vacation plans or leave a day at the pool/beach to come to soccer practice."

    Well you just gave them permission not to attend. I consider soccer more important then a day at the beach. But, not more important then there vacation.
    -------
    "But most of the kids show up because they like it."
    That is the secret of getting them to show up.
    ------

    "The kid loves soccer. But her mom is a freak. She's divorced and has a boyfriend that is pretty creepy. She tends to give him priority treatment over her children. (Example: Last summer it was her daughter's birthday. It was her boyfriends on the same week. She threw a big party for the boyfriend and invited 2 of her daughters' friends to come along for the kids birthday)."

    I had a friend Donnie as a kid. His mother gave him up to his uncles because her boy friend did not want him around. No one was freaker then his uncles. But they pay tdid send him to catholic school. But they sent him to school dirty. The nuns would wash his clothes. Not every one was born in Disney land.
    -------

    "We have a 15 player roster and play 11v11. Our league max is 15."

    That is short sightedness on the leagues part. They are eliminated project players by doing that. It should be 18 just in case.

    ------
    Your answer is in my post some where?
     
  6. HeyGuy

    HeyGuy New Member

    Oct 11, 2015
    Club:
    Everton FC
    Doesn't seem like a whole lot you can do.
    Asking the mother to be more consistent with making it to training/games could turn out quite badly, but you don't want to be reliant upon a player who may or may not make it.
    If this girl is an integral part of the team, it may pay to have an alternate (for lack of a better word) gameplan in case she doesn't show up.
    Since you've presented yourself as the 'cool' coach (not a bad thing at all!) it may come off badly to then insist on her making it to games/training.
    Hope it turns out ok, keep us updated mate.
     
  7. danielpeebles2

    Dec 3, 2013
    so the league demands you only keep 15 players? you can't have 16. because that would solve it.

    hopefully the boyfriends antics blow up and he'll find another woman to be a co-dependent for him. This was my life growing up as my mom divorced one narcissist and 2 years later married another one. The only sport I played as a kid was church softball with older kids (something my dad didn't want to interfere with because he hated church people) the church split up and that was the end of that. Finally I got involved in band when I was in 6th grade and that was my thing. parents can make it very hard for kids to get involved in things.
     
  8. nicklaino

    nicklaino Member+

    Feb 14, 2012
    Brooklyn, NY
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Since we are talking about women getting involved with the wrong men. Women our funny once their in love they are in love.

    Men are different we don't always think with our head that is on our shoulders. My mother in law hated me. She told my wife it won't last. That was 47 years ago and we are still together still can't figure that out. :)
     
  9. mwulf67

    mwulf67 Member+

    Sep 24, 2014
    Club:
    Chelsea FC
    This girl is the symptom not the problem…the actual problem is your roster size is too low…your roster margins are too narrow; they don’t account for injury, sickness, or life in general…expand your roster by a couple spots, and just guarantee everyone will play x of y games (7 of 8, for example)…this will give you the cushion to always field a full squad and give parents/players a little more guilt free flexibility…
     
  10. cleansheetbsc

    cleansheetbsc Member+

    Mar 17, 2004
    Club:
    --other--
    A. My personal philosophy is 'don't penalize kids because their parents are assholes.'

    B. Your league is moronic that they only allow 15 roster slots for 11 v 11.
     
    mwulf67 and BTFOOM repped this.
  11. Timbuck

    Timbuck Member

    Jul 31, 2012
    15 roster spots means that everyone plays 3/4 of a game. I like that. And it gives me a little bit of a cushion if a player is missing. But if 2 or 3 players are missing, it sucks.

    Sidebar- we played on Sunday without the player mentioned in my original post. We won. Our team is performing really well this seasons. 4 wins and 0 losses. 10 goals scored and 1 allowed.
    This player used to be a core of our team and without her, we would struggle. She's only played in 2 of our 4 games and others have stepped up to cover for her absence. So the silver lining is that players are improving and taking on new roles.
     
  12. dcole

    dcole Member+

    May 27, 2005
    I view the player and his parents as a package deal. I don't like to cut anyone for any reason, but having parents that hurt the team is every bit as legitimate a reason for getting cut as any other reason. A few examples of parental behavior that will get a kid cut from my team: (1) parent exhibits poor behavior on the sideline and refuses to stop, (2) parent persistently criticizes me or my players in front of my players or their families, (3) parent causes child to miss excessive practices/games without communicating with me. I would try to make the offending behavior stop before resorting to cutting the player, but if I can't rectify the situation then the player gets cut.

    In the end, I am a volunteer coach doing this job because I love doing it. If someone (player or parent) is causing me problems and making it more difficult or less fun for me to coach the team, then I will try to make them stop and, if I can't, the player is gone.
     
  13. nicklaino

    nicklaino Member+

    Feb 14, 2012
    Brooklyn, NY
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    In your youth league you can cut a player once he got his player pass?

    We can't do that, but that does not mean he has to see any playing time.
     
  14. nicklaino

    nicklaino Member+

    Feb 14, 2012
    Brooklyn, NY
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    We all feel like we don't want to hurt a player because of bad parents.

    But some parents are like a cancer to team cohesion. It has happened to me too many times to just ignore.

    So if it was a case of a parent I feel is hurting the team by his big mouth. I would let his kid go even if the kid played like Messi. But don't worry their is always a coach around that with take him no matter what.
     
  15. dcole

    dcole Member+

    May 27, 2005
    When I say "cut," I mean after the season, not during. I'd only cut a player mid-season for something truly aggregious.
     
  16. Timbuck

    Timbuck Member

    Jul 31, 2012
    Yes, I wouldn't cut anyone mid season. I'm talking about replacing her during our next round of evaluations/tryouts.
     
  17. cleansheetbsc

    cleansheetbsc Member+

    Mar 17, 2004
    Club:
    --other--
    i don't see where this is hurting the team beyond a short bench. There are teams better off when certain parents don't show up
     
  18. nicklaino

    nicklaino Member+

    Feb 14, 2012
    Brooklyn, NY
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Yes or you can tell him don't come. However, it could lead to other parents not coming. Then you find yourself having to rent a car to take player back to and from games.

    My problem is when a parent brings new players to the team. Then he thinks he owns those players. He things he has leverage to use against the club by his control over other players.
     
  19. Timbuck

    Timbuck Member

    Jul 31, 2012
    Update:
    I sent the mom a nice but firm email. Summary is: we love your kid. This is a competitive team. We need her to be at things if at all possible. We are happy to help with rides any time.
    Mom says "thanks. Sorry things have been crazy. We'll be there"

    Mom texts my wife Friday afternoon. "Can she get a ride this weekend? I got a DUI and I'm not able to drive right now."

    I don't know the details, but this makes me really sad. Hopefully it didn't happen with the kids in the car.
     
  20. danielpeebles2

    Dec 3, 2013
    at lest she's being honest about it, growing up in an alcoholic home is just not fun (speaking from experience)
     
  21. cleansheetbsc

    cleansheetbsc Member+

    Mar 17, 2004
    Club:
    --other--
    Felony in NYS.
     
  22. rca2

    rca2 Member+

    Nov 25, 2005
    Most people that are charged with DUI are not alcoholics. A few are. 99% of those convicted straighten up and never have a problem again.
     
  23. Timbuck

    Timbuck Member

    Jul 31, 2012
    I'm pretty sure this woman might have a slight problem. If not with alcohol, certainly with decision making.
    A little more background...
    The woman is divorced. They divorced about 4 or 5 years ago. Shortly after the divorce, the ex-husband (father of my player) had a pretty bad stroke. Apparently he was a very heavy drinker and heavy smoker. He is still alive, but is still trying to recover from the stroke. He has some trouble walking and isn't able to communicate very well. His mother (she must be in her mid-70s) is his caretaker. He lives with her. She drives him around. The kid (my player and her younger sister) spend Saturday night and Sunday with them. If we have a Sunday game, the grandma brings her (and the father). They are usually late, but I don't say anything about this. The grandmother has enough to worry about. I don't think that the grandmother and the players mom have much of a relationship. They rarely come to Saturday games (because the mom probably doesn't tell them about it). The grandmother is LOADED (financially) and pays for all soccer related costs for the grandkids. I'm sure the grandmother is not aware of the DUI.
    The man that she is now dating is a disaster. We had a team parent party (no kids) last Fall. Within the first 20 minutes, he was a slobbering, drunk mess. As I was attempting to provide an update to the families on upcoming dates and team plans, he was heckling me from the couch. This was the first time I've seen him outside of the sidelines. At the end of the night, he had to be carried out to the car and placed into the passenger seat. He just gives off a very strange vibe at all times.
     
  24. J'can

    J'can Member+

    Jul 3, 2007
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    you were being heckled while not even being at a game?????

    damn Tim....!
     
  25. rca2

    rca2 Member+

    Nov 25, 2005
    Under the circumstances, I suspect you are correct.
     

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