Argentina's Soccer Team Falls in Love with Korea, Decides to Stay Seoul, South Korea - "I know we've only been here a couple of weeks, but I have completely fallen in love with Korea, its people and its rich culture. I will definitely be living here for the foreseeable future," beamed Argentinean superstar Gabriel Batistuta. "The World Cup may be over for us, but my new life in this beautiful land has just begun." Team manager (coach) Marcelo Bielsa agreed, "I know it seems kind of strange, but I really do love this country (as well as Japan) and am excited about staying here for a very long time. I really like the food too!" Bielsa, Batistuta and the 16 other national team members have all decided to stay put in Korea and are all currently shopping for homes, many are even thinking about adopting Korean names. "I just think new Korean sounding names would help us assimilate more easily," said Argentina's captain Juan Vernon. All members have assured us that their sudden relocation plans have nothing to do with their early and ignominious ousting from the first round of the World Cup and fear of being killed once they return home by the hundreds of thousands of insanely angry fans currently rioting in the streets. Country Eagerly Awaits Team's Arrival Many predicted Argentina — the nation that has produced such stars as Alfredo di Stefano and Diego Maradona — would win the prestigious FIFA World Cup for the third time. But after only three games — a win, a loss and a draw — the international powerhouse was sent packing, shocking an entire nation of perfervid football fanatics. Eduardo Duhalde, the president of Argentina, plays downs the rumors that he ordered the killing of the team once they land at the airport. "No, no no… such silly talk. We are a bit disappointed in their performance and are taking quiet a ribbing from our dear neighbor Brazil, but by no means do we wish the team harm. Our people just want them to come home quickly in order to thank them for their gallant effort." When asked what he thought of the throngs of people burning their national team jerseys and parading burning effigies of the team members through the streets of Buenos Aires, Duhalde replied, "No, no, no… you see these are not angry riots at all. It just happens to be festival time here in our country. Yes, yes, it's… um… Muchacho del Fuego Festival. We all burn our favorite clothes and honor our idols with fire. It is much fun, lots of dancing, singing and of course, fabulous food…" Duhalde was suddenly interupted as a flaming soccer ball, with the inscription, "Queremos las cabezas!" ball came crashing through the window of his barracaded palace. Back in the safe confines of Seoul, the team manager admitted he was not aware of such a festival and was sorry he would miss it, "Yes, sounds like a good time, but I think I will pass and just get some kimch'i and shinsollo with my new friends and countrymen. Ahnyounghee-gyeseyo!" http://www.usedwigs.com/weekly_33.html