By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
  1. Dan Loney

    Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter

    Mar 10, 2000
    Cincilluminati
    Club:
    Los Angeles Sol
    Country:
    Philippines

    Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

    By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
    News has come in a bunch this week, but I still feel we’re not giving Gold Cup 2017 its due. It was awful and stupid and we all wish it had never happened. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn from it. It just means we shouldn’t learn from it.

    I’m using “we” here to speak for what I assume is the vast majority of the biosphere, but man, I am not speaking for Michael Bradley, or Jozy Altidore, or any one else on the national team. They were fired up as all hell to win the thing. Maybe because a bunch of them missed those terrible first round games and didn’t have as much time to get sick of the tournament as we did.

    Sure, we all took to the streets demonstrating against Michael Bradley winning the Golden Ball. But who else were you going to give it to? They weren’t going to take the thing back to Jim’s Trophy or whoever. You think CONCACAF shops at a place with a decent refund policy?

    Actually, you know what, the award should have gone to Florent Malouda. I take it back, you were all right to be mad.

    This was apparently Jozy’s first trophy as a soccer player, except for when he won MLS Humanitarian of the Year. Which doesn’t seem fair to the Shady Supplement Canadian Cup, because I’m pretty sure Jozy has won that by now, hasn’t he? But yes, a player who has spent his career with teams like Hull and Sunderland hasn’t won a whole ton of what you might call “anything.”

    However, I think this Gold Cup has given us a glimpse of good things to come with Altidore. He’s 27 right now. If he were a musical genius and talisman for the fears and feelings of a generation, then it would be time to worry. Fortunately, he’s an athlete, and that means he’s going to go through the rest of qualifying, and the World Cup, in his physical prime.

    He put up with what most of us would consider to be an unusual amount of silliness this tournament. Jozy, along with Omar Gonzalez, turned out to be the latest in a long line of irresistibly delicious soccer players. We can take a couple of things away from this. First, if “Soylent Green” ever comes true, soccer players are going to be like Texas brisket. Keep your heads down, guys.

    Second, this was a helpful reminder that Jozy has been at this since the Devonian Period. There’s nothing anyone can throw at him that he hasn’t seen by now, let alone be intimidated by. I was thinking of the 2014 World Cup. The time may come when we look back on Jozy’s injury as a disastrous missed opportunity. I’m not saying we would have beaten Germany, or even Belgium. But I am saying we would have held out against Portugal, allowing us to rest against Germany and…huh, I guess I am saying we might have beaten Belgium.

    Basically, Jozy’s playing at his peak, has a club that isn’t a complete termite mound, and now has a shiny little medal to go with his newfound confidence.

    We, like Mexico, learned an incredibly important lesson about depth. Mexico now knows exactly how far down they can go in their talent pool, and it turns out they are exactly Cubo Torres deep. Which is great news. Yes, we all enjoyed the last few minutes of the Jamaica game, and we’re all going to name our next child “Kemar,” or “Lawrence” if it’s a girl.

    Still, we have to be real. Mexico had to simultaneously worry about World Cup qualifying (insanely important), the Confederations Cup (reasonable opinions differ, but playing those kinds of teams is very useful, and after all Mexico has won the thing before), and the Gold Cup. The Gold Cup being the tournament that forces its federations to say that they are bringing their first-choice teams, or be fined. Which is something important tournaments always do.

    This was Mexico’s contractual obligation album, and it turned out about as well as “Metal Machine Music.” It would have been nice for Mexico to win, but they were able to chart their talent pool much more than nearly any other nation, and their new coach will have a fantastic opportunity to – they’re keeping Osorio? What are they, gluttons for punishment?

    Which brings us to CONCACAF, its scheduling of the Gold Cup, and exactly how many fertility drugs we want to force-feed the golden goose.

    Perhaps this cycle will be when we learn that holding Gold Cups every twenty minutes is counter-productive. I understand the temptation to get as many US-Mexico games as possible – as it stands, CONCACAF can only rely on two every four years at Hexagonal time. Gold Cups can’t always be relied on – this tournament, frexample.

    If one accepts the admittedly far-fetched premise that CONCACAF are greedy pigs, it’s easy to see why they schedule twice as many Gold Cups in order to compensate. Plus, if all goes right, you get an extra US-Mexico game! Remember the last one? When US Soccer decided it was a fine idea to put “Dos a Cero” all over the freaking Rose Bowl?

    Mexico’s reward for winning that game, apart from smug satisfaction, a currency happily accepted everywhere there is love of the game, was to attend the Confederations Cup. And, as a result, stink up the Gold Cup. So Mexico will be motivated even more for the next Gold Cup, to make up for the one they blew off.

    But what if the United States wins that one, too? Or what if third time is a charm for Jamaica? That scenario would probably sell out a 25,000 seater. The former is a dead loss. Knowing CONCACAF, they’ve probably not only budgeted a 90,000-plus US-Mexico Grand Final, they’ve spent the gate already.

    It’s possible that CONCACAF has stumbled upon a more efficient system of getting money from their continental championships than every other continental confederation. Fans would watch another European tournament, especially a European Grand Final. I don’t think fans would get tired of more Copa America, and it certainly isn’t as if the Copa America format is treated as sacred. Perhaps in those cases it’s only the power of the large European leagues and clubs that keep this from happening.

    In that case, let’s hope Liga MX and MLS get some power at some point in the near future. We must not allow CONCACAF to cheapen the Gold Cup, or the legacy of Chuck Blazer’s vision.

    _____________

    Sigi Schmid was fired from the Galaxy in 2004 after a 0-0 tie against Columbus. He went on to coach Columbus. Sigi Schmid’s first game after being rehired by the Galaxy was a 0-0 tie against Seattle, the team he left Columbus to coach.

    I can’t help but recall the famous quote from the Apostle Paul. 1 Corinthians 15:52:

    In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. Except Sigi Schmid. He ain’t gonna change.

    ______________________

    Next time, on MLS: Where Are They Now? We catch up with the guy on the left of the original Columbus Crew logo.

    Bradley-hardhat.jpg
     
?

Wait, what about a detailed breakdown and preview of the MLS All-Star Game?

  1. L

    5 vote(s)
    23.8%
  2. O

    9 vote(s)
    42.9%
  3. L

    7 vote(s)
    33.3%

Comments

Discussion in 'Articles' started by Dan Loney, Aug 2, 2017.

    1. Paul Calixte

      Paul Calixte Member+

      Orlando City SC
      Apr 30, 2009
      Miami, FL
      Club:
      Orlando City SC
      Country:
      United States

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      "First, if “Soylent Green” ever comes true, soccer players are going to be like Texas brisket. Keep your heads down, guys."

      Give this man a raise
       
      bungadiri repped this.
    2. Robert Borden

      Robert Borden Member

      Chelsea
      Canada
      Apr 19, 2017
      Toronto, Ontario
      Country:
      Canada

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      Ignorant much?
       
    3. Dan Loney

      Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter

      Mar 10, 2000
      Cincilluminati
      Club:
      Los Angeles Sol
      Country:
      Philippines

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      I gotta pass the time until the next horrible sponsor is named
       
    4. Paul Calixte

      Paul Calixte Member+

      Orlando City SC
      Apr 30, 2009
      Miami, FL
      Club:
      Orlando City SC
      Country:
      United States

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      Herbalife? **ducks**
       
      Dan Loney repped this.
    5. RafaLarios

      RafaLarios Member+

      Oct 2, 2009
      Medellín
      Club:
      Atletico Nacional
      Country:
      Colombia

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
    6. (They call him) RMc

      Jun 1, 2013
      Club:
      Celtic FC

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      Sometimes I wonder what these articles would be like if they were written by people who actually liked soccer, or knew anything about it. (Naah, not really.)
       
    7. Jazzy Altidore

      Jazzy Altidore Member+

      Sep 2, 2009
      San Francisco
      Club:
      Los Angeles Galaxy
      Country:
      United States

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      "This was apparently Jozy’s first trophy as a soccer player, except for when he won MLS Humanitarian of the Year."

      Nah bro. He won the Dutch Cup with AZ.
       
      Dan Loney repped this.
    8. Dan Loney

      Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter

      Mar 10, 2000
      Cincilluminati
      Club:
      Los Angeles Sol
      Country:
      Philippines

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      I stand corrected. I imagine everything after that was a letdown
       
    9. Dan Loney

      Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter

      Mar 10, 2000
      Cincilluminati
      Club:
      Los Angeles Sol
      Country:
      Philippines

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      You...liked this Gold Cup? Okay, then
       
    10. Jazzy Altidore

      Jazzy Altidore Member+

      Sep 2, 2009
      San Francisco
      Club:
      Los Angeles Galaxy
      Country:
      United States

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      i was at the final. everyone seemed to enjoy it.
       
    11. Paul Calixte

      Paul Calixte Member+

      Orlando City SC
      Apr 30, 2009
      Miami, FL
      Club:
      Orlando City SC
      Country:
      United States

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      I'm pretty sure the quote (original, maybe @Dan Loney misremembered) was, Jozy's first international trophy. He'll get two more shots next year (2018 CCL and...you know, the World Cup :D ).
       
    12. Jazzy Altidore

      Jazzy Altidore Member+

      Sep 2, 2009
      San Francisco
      Club:
      Los Angeles Galaxy
      Country:
      United States

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      Nah that quote was a generalized, which is why Loney apologized for getting it wrong.
       
    13. Dan Loney

      Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter

      Mar 10, 2000
      Cincilluminati
      Club:
      Los Angeles Sol
      Country:
      Philippines

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      Yeah, thanks for the out, Paul! But I was thinking about MetroBull, Hull, Sunderland, and so forth. My bad. IGNORE ME
       
      Jazzy Altidore repped this.
    14. BeefEater

      BeefEater Member

      UC Irvine
      United States
      Jul 28, 2017

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      Dan,

      You lost me at "it was awful and stupid and we wished it never happened." I know you aren't being totally serious, but this cynicism stinks.
       
    15. jmartin1966

      jmartin1966 Member

      Jun 13, 2004
      Chicago

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      who won?
       
    16. AlbertCamus

      AlbertCamus Member

      Colorado Rapids
      Sep 2, 2005
      Colorado, USA
      Club:
      Colorado Rapids

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      I didn't watch this Gold Cup (glad when MLS came back), but it seems to me there is a simple solution- why not put the US and Mexico in the same first round group? Have them play the opener. Then you guarantee a game, there'd be a little bit of pressure (the looser would have to make sure they win out), and if they met again in the final you'd get two USA-Mexico games.
       
    17. (They call him) RMc

      Jun 1, 2013
      Club:
      Celtic FC

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      You...liked this Gold Cup? Okay, then.

      It was OK, and the home team won. (I know you hate watching American soccer teams win, but that's on you.) What I don't like is the constant hipper-than-thou, cool-kids-at-the-back-of-the-classroom vibe, constantly snarking away at everything. God forbid someone should actually enjoy themselves watching a soccer match. "Chuck Blazer was fat! That ruined everything, you ignorant plebe!"

      You lost me at "it was awful and stupid and we wished it never happened." I know you aren't being totally serious, but this cynicism stinks.

      This. Maybe you should follow another sport. (I hear shuffleboard is popular these days.)
       
    18. "username"

      "username" Member

      Loudoun SC
      United States
      Mar 20, 2010
      Northern Virginia
      Club:
      DC United
      Country:
      United States

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      do a pro/rel poll in your next article
       
    19. Dan Loney

      Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter

      Mar 10, 2000
      Cincilluminati
      Club:
      Los Angeles Sol
      Country:
      Philippines

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      Gold Cups in the middle of qualifying right before the Confederations Cup are awful and stupid, though. Once every four years would not be awful and stupid. The current set up is...awful and stupid. Synonyms fail me.
       
      RevsLiverpool repped this.
    20. Paul Calixte

      Paul Calixte Member+

      Orlando City SC
      Apr 30, 2009
      Miami, FL
      Club:
      Orlando City SC
      Country:
      United States

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      Clearly you don't have the best words...
       
    21. Ryan Springer

      Ryan Springer New Member

      Tampa Bay Rowdies
      United States
      Aug 15, 2017

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      I think you are underestimated the total of what CONCACAF is trying to accomplish. Strengthen national teams they have, and their young players. Furthermore, FIFA condoned this for a way for CONCACAF to compete in the Confederations Cup.
       
    22. tigersoccer2005

      tigersoccer2005 Member+

      Dec 1, 2003
      North Bergen, NJ
      Club:
      New York Red Bulls
      Country:
      United States

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      Firs of all thank you for using the classic Columbus Crew logo--i still think it was one of the best ones ever in soccer history despite all the stick it got from certain quarters.

      Secondly, regarding having a Gold Cup every two years--I agree that a lot of the first round games were dull however fans should not act as if this is something that only plagues CONCACAF tourneys. As I remember it, the last edition of the Euro Cup had some insanely boring games as well. If it had not been for Iceland's and Wales's underdog stories and the headline of CR7 finally winnning a tourney, the tournament would have been remembered as one of the most underwhelming in Euro history, yet i dont hear anybody saying UEFA should hold its tourney less often because of it. The difference lies in the mental value that is placed upon the acronym UEFA. CONCACAF can put on a sub-par performance and it immediately gets called out (and rightfully so) but if UEFA puts on a similar sub-par performance people are willing to overlook it because of the supposed value the UEFA brand carries.
      CONCACAF needs to develop its soccer and that certainly wont happen if the nations of CONCACAF play less.
       
    23. Neubill

      Neubill Member

      Jan 26, 2005
      Southern Kelehfornya

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      Agreed.

      And to be fair, the smaller CONCACAF nations consider The Gold Cup as their World Cup.
       
    24. RevsLiverpool

      RevsLiverpool Member+

      Nov 12, 2005
      Boston
      Club:
      Liverpool FC
      Country:
      United States

      Gold Cup 2017 Autopsy

      By Dan Loney on Aug 2, 2017 at 4:32 PM
      The Euro tournament is held every 4 years. The Gold Cup is held every 2 but should also be held every 4 years. Dan is spot on.
       

Share This Page