Then again, having an epidural makes it more likely that the pushing will be difficult, which makes a Caesarian more likely, which might impede breast feeding, and you'll have to stay longer in hospital. Also, many women who have epidurals feel that they lose a bit of control (which can be a good or a bad thing, depends on your personality). Also, some drugs (e.g. pethidine) affect the baby. Not good. My wife had gas & air (i.e. N2O) and nothing else, and was very happy with that (although she overdid it and was almost tipsy at one stage (*)). She used to run Marathons though so is used to some pain/effort towards a goal. On the other hand, I heard that they do episiotomies all the time in the US. If that is true, you might need some more pain relief. Also, it's crap. Avoid if at all possible. (*) Try some yourself, if you get the chance. Quite funny. Don't want to overdo it though, wife might not like you being stoned when the baby arrives.
This is perhaps a case of remembering that there is no single set of experiences upon which to base your decision. Episiotomies are upleasant, but the alternative for my wife was a Stage Four tear (as bad as it gets) all the way from the vaginal canal, ah, back. It has been almost seven years, and she has never been the same. At least with an episiotomy the tearing is controlled.
Guys, thanks for all your input. It is really appreciated! Unfortunately, my wife had a miscarriage and will we need to deal with this for the time being. This was my wife's first pregnancy and from what I have heard, that this in not too uncommon. Emotionally, I am kind of all over the place. Mostly scattered at the moment and pretty broken up watching my wife go though this. However, in a weird way, it makes me reflect on how much I love her. Anyway, I will probably get back in here after some time as I know we both would like a child and I would imagine in the next couple months we will try again.
Sorry to hear about your loss. Several of our nieces have had numerous miscarriages. It sure makes the process more difficult. They have all come back with successful pregnancies and great kids. Good luck! Hopefully she's ready to start working on a new one soon.
I am very sorry to hear that DF. Yes it's very common. At least a fifth of pregnancies don't make it past week 10 (not speaking of all the miscarriages that are not even discovered as they are diagnosed as strong periods). In Europe most people don't tell others until week ten or 12, as it's so common that it won't work out. My wife had a miscarriage two years ago, also in week 8-9. Very difficult, but it also brought us much much closer together. And now we are a very happy (but tired) family. It's very important to realise that this is nobody's fault, but that it's simply a very fragile process. All the best for you. I wish we could chat over a bottle of good whisky now. Then again, that might not be fair to your wife. Actually, when my wife miscarried I made a rare steak with bearnaise sauce for her and we got drunk on really nice red wine. Not being pregnant definitely has some advantages as well!
hang in there dead fingers. though it is somewhat common that doesn't mean it hurts less. what did the doctor say? best of luck!
wow.. im sorry man... but I know im gonna get flamed for this but as a father of 2 I can honestly say that kids are not really expensive like the mass media projects... of course I do have an advantage with the babysitting since my relatives take care of the youg doods... but I post this cuz I see that you are gonna try again... and as you are pumping away.. you wont worry bout how expensive a child is.. cuz in reality its not... now my kids are 7 and 3 and they seem a happy bunch.. what really matter is building a strong bond with the wife/girlfriend right after birth... cuz man... thats one weak moment for the new mothers... it goes along the lines of post partum depression I think..
Congrats DF! My first and only time in this forum...but it's more than worthwhile! Drinks are on DF until November...a lot of free drinks going around.
Aw man. Been through that myself and it was really emotional. Hard to even describe to people who haven't been through it. Also had a sister-in-law who recently miscarried, a cousin who had two or three miscarriages before her current (so-far successful) pregnancy, and a friend who had a couple miscarriages between kids. My OB said that about a third of pregnancies end in miscarriage, but most people never realize they were pregnant to begin with. There are some pretty wacky miscarriage stories among my family and friends, but it's painful every time. Good luck ... Hope to hear from you again soon!
Condolensces here as well. We went through it as well, between kids - about which we are reminded whenever anyone asks about the "timing" of the birth of our two daughters. The timing is only such because of the miscarriage about halfway through.
I guess I was too excited to finish reading the thread!! Condolences. Not sure what I can say, but I'm sure you'll get through this. Sorry about the wrong "tone" of my previous message.
Daycare does cost 15-20K a year for full time. To me that is expensive. Not a reason not to have kids, but it is expensive.
You get a break during elementary school and middle school. Then they start wanting a car, car insurance, and college - talk about expensive!
I'm so very sorry to hear that, and you are right it's not too uncommon. I had a miscarriage almost 10 years ago. However in my case, I didn't know I was pregnant and never had to go through the ups and then downs. I didn't have to get all emotionally prepared to be a mother and whatnot. But it is still an experience that sticks with me to this day. The fear of it happening again is always there in the back of my mind, especially now that I'm trying to get pregnant again. You and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you all the best when you try again. Just be there for each other and realize you're both going to always have this in the back of your mind. You'll get through it!
I live in the city, an excuse for why a car is not needed And my condonlences to DF, goodluck to you and your wife.
DF I´m so so so sorry to hear this.. but please think positive and spend a lot of time with you wife now... she need you.. don´t worry....I think in few months you will report us that you are going to be father ....I´m optimistic.. your bltleo I miss you here DF!
My daughter was to have that, but when she got to the hospital she was dialating big time so they could not do it any more. So she had natural took the classes. It was a shock to me so I went out an bought her a diamond pendent with the baby birth stone in it Aqua Marine the baby was born March 31 a girl Mia Ann
I just want to say "Thanks" to all the well-wishers. It is very much appreciated. My wife is getting better physically and emotionally. She still has some weepy moments, but I would imagine that is expected. For myself, I am not sure it has hit me yet. Maybe it is due to my focus on my wife's needs???? Maybe it is good that I am busy with work? Again, thanks.
I just noticed the news. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had colleague a few years back and he and his wife went through much the same thing. He described himself as having a kind of diffuse sadness that lasted for a surprisingly long time, but that he didn't notice until later precisely because he was focused on his wife's (understandably) greater needs. He found a group of people who'd experienced miscarriages and said it helped them both, mainly because it provided them both with a place where their grief was readily understood (although I gather that the wider family environment for both of them was part of the problem in that both mothers were nearby but also kind of old school and dismissive of what they were feeling).