Defining soccer- -,ahem, "football" -- in 25 words or less

Discussion in 'The Beautiful Game' started by Karl K, Sep 4, 2002.

  1. Karl K

    Karl K Member

    Oct 25, 1999
    Suburban Chicago
    OK, there's this Brazilian I know, who says that Amercians will NEVER be good at soccer because the English language falls short in really communicating the nature of what it takes to play the game well.

    In his view, it's the ROMANCE languages -- French, Italian, Spanish and, of course, Portuguese -- that have sufficiently poetic and metaphorical qualities necessary to truly understand the game.

    I say this view is crap.

    I told him that not only could I DEFINE soccer in 25 words or less, but do so with the precision and clarity that characterizes English, now the world's DOMINANT language -- the language of science, commerce, and -- yes -- rational modernity.

    And here is it is.

    "Soccer is the application of game-specific athletic techniques at sufficient speed to achieve solutions to continuous problems of on-field geometry."

    Twenty words (22 if you count each hyphenated word as two).

    So, anyone else want to take their shot?

    25 words or less.
     
  2. AFCA

    AFCA Member

    Jul 16, 2002
    X X X rated
    Club:
    AFC Ajax
    Nat'l Team:
    Iran
    My very, very, very personal view in exactly 34 words. What football means to me.


    "A great game that evolves around tradition, on and off the pitch. 90% of my social life evolves around my club as we travel around looking for fun and adventure. It enriches my life."
     
  3. Boro_lad

    Boro_lad New Member

    i only need 3 words....

    football is life!
     
  4. AFCA

    AFCA Member

    Jul 16, 2002
    X X X rated
    Club:
    AFC Ajax
    Nat'l Team:
    Iran
    But is life football?
     
  5. csc7

    csc7 New Member

    Jul 3, 2002
    DC

    Karl--

    You wouldn't happen to be German would you?
     
  6. Ombak

    Ombak Moderator
    Staff Member

    Apr 19, 1999
    Irvine, CA
    Club:
    Flamengo Rio Janeiro
    Nat'l Team:
    Brazil
    Of course that view is just ridiculous... no language does anything better than another! With that linguistic perspective in mind here's my definition, slightly borrowing from a definition of language:

    "From a pre-defined set of finite moves football creates an infinite number of possible outcomes."
     
  7. AFCA

    AFCA Member

    Jul 16, 2002
    X X X rated
    Club:
    AFC Ajax
    Nat'l Team:
    Iran
    Very true.... there is a certain 'flow' in a (good) football match.
     
  8. biosoccer

    biosoccer New Member

    This would my mom's definition, translated to English:

    "twenty idiots, running after a ball, while two of them wait to catch it with their hands"

    17 words...
     
  9. biosoccer

    biosoccer New Member

    You know, now that I read the first post again, and thinking about Spanish (my first language)... I would say that that Brazilian is wrong (about what he said... in terms of soccer).

    Football was created in England, therefore the word "football" was the first name given to the game. In Spanish we call it "futbol", but it's the Spanish way of writing the same thing and sound than in English.

    Plus, English people play fairly good football and they also speak English... so the problem with Americans is totally different... I won't tell 'cause I don't want trouble.
     
  10. Karl K

    Karl K Member

    Oct 25, 1999
    Suburban Chicago
    Re: Re: Defining soccer- -,ahem, "football" -- in 25 words or less

    Actually 1/2 Romanian (Great-grandparents born in Transylvania), 1/4 German, 1/4 Irish
     
  11. CUS

    CUS New Member

    Apr 20, 2000
    Soccer is the relentless pursuit of space.

    Seven words.
     
  12. NER_MCFC

    NER_MCFC Member

    May 23, 2001
    Cambridge, MA
    Club:
    New England Revolution
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Twenty two people kicking an inflated cow's bladder for ninety minutes.

    11 words
     
  13. Don Homer

    Don Homer New Member

    Jun 2, 2002
    Dublin, Ireland
    The new opium of the masses.
     
  14. Chicago1871

    Chicago1871 New Member

    Apr 21, 2001
    The City
    While the Brazilian language (Portuguese) may do no more justice to the game than any other, their footwork ignores the "pre-defined set of finite moves" and creates beauty beyond the spoken word.

    31 words (in case anyone was wondering). :)
     
  15. skipshady

    skipshady New Member

    Apr 26, 2001
    Orchard St, NYC
    Like sex - you invent new ways to move, even if you don't know if you'll score. But ultimately, it's why you get out of bed.

    25 words exactly. :D
     
  16. Don Homer

    Don Homer New Member

    Jun 2, 2002
    Dublin, Ireland
    A game of two halves; where what goes around, comes around; while you win some and lose some; and be as sick as a parrot.
     
  17. detroitexpress

    detroitexpress New Member

    Oct 24, 2000
    Detroit
    Here's one I remember from a soccer-hating sportswriter:

    Soccer is a game invented so that the players hands would be free to push their glasses back up their noses.
     
  18. BrianCappellieri

    BrianCappellieri Red Card

    Feb 11, 2002
    Well done, Skip! :D
    ___________________

    It's an idiotic view but I have Brazilian friends who try and convince me of similiar notions.
     
  19. bigredfutbol

    bigredfutbol Moderator
    Staff Member

    Sep 5, 2000
    Woodbridge, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Soccer is like jazz--on a foundation of known, established moves and tactics, players create creative and beautiful sport through interplay both instinctive and learned, and through flashes of individual brilliance.

    31 words. I DO so need an editor.
     
  20. skipshady

    skipshady New Member

    Apr 26, 2001
    Orchard St, NYC
    The soccer-sex parallel makes sense for Brazilians because so much of their game is about rhythm.
     
  21. argentine soccer fan

    Staff Member

    Jan 18, 2001
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Club:
    CA Boca Juniors
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    In Argentina we say 'Goles son amores', which means 'Goals are love affairs'.

    So, using that as a starting point, I can describe the game of football as follows:

    'The pursuit of love affairs'.

    Of course, if you play defense, your role can be described as follows:

    'The pursuit of the prevention of love affairs'.

    Which means that defenders are football's equivalent of jealous husbands and fathers.
     
  22. Chicago1871

    Chicago1871 New Member

    Apr 21, 2001
    The City
    I prefer to think of us as the overprotective older brothers.
     
  23. elainemichelle

    elainemichelle New Member

    Jul 20, 2002
    Soccer represents absolute beauty. It kind of reminds me of a ballet-- everything flows and moves gracefully (if it's a good game).

    23 WORDS
     
  24. Chicago1871

    Chicago1871 New Member

    Apr 21, 2001
    The City
    Bill Shankly, like always, put it perfectly.

    "Football is a simple game based on the giving and taking of passes, of controlling the ball and of making yourself available to receive a pass. It is terribly simple."

    30 words.
     
  25. Nobby

    Nobby New Member

    Feb 18, 2002
    Kirkland, WA
    25 words.

    Two teams, one ball, no hands and ninety minutes accentuating things like the smell of wet grass, momentum and the collective vigor of a populus.
     

Share This Page