As indicated in other posts, this is our first time on a select/competitive team. Without rehashing too much, it's a relatively new development for the club we have played rec games for (there are plenty of more established clubs in our area), we are on the U12 girls team, which is the youngest team they offer. There are three select teams in our club/league -- U12 boys, U12 girls, and U13 girls -- and we share the same practice time / place. It seems like the last 30 minutes of practice usually involves a scrimmage. While there has been some mixing and matching, they usually keep the teams together. Takes me awhile to get to the point, sorry....at any rate we just started games, we have what I hear is a tough tournament upcoming. We lost the first regular season game 2-5. We have yet to win in the various scrimmages, which may be expected. I am not noticing any frustration, and I am not some my-kid-has-to-win parent. I have watched my kids be on the best and the worst teams in the past. How do you/your team/your child deal with losses? Have you had winless seasons? Somebody has to lose, its probably better for you when it's the other team losing!
I've coached two winless teams, and my son played one winless travel season. It's difficult to put a happy face on the games, but you can try your best -- then make the training sessions as fun as possible. Keep them engaged, and they'll not only deal with losses, they'll get better!
My gut feeling is that kids would rather be on the field playing for a losing team rather than on the bench for a winning team. The parents & the coaches will set much of the tone for how losses are processed. A good rule of thumb is to NEVER discuss or analyze a game right after, win or lose. A simple "good job" and then move on. Beyond that--your kid mostly wants to have "fun" not in a frivolous sense but in terms of feeling like he/she did well, put in a good effort, made a good play here and there, etc. To the degree that you give feedback, very limited feedback based on some small, concrete contribution.
As a pre-teen, my son was a bench-warmer on a "winning" team that was being groomed for club glory. Made it to final rounds of State Cup, won some fairly competitive tournaments, first place in their league. Being a late bloomer physically and somewhat of a wallflower on the field until he came out of his shell in adolescence, he got to watch it all from the bench. A few years later, he was a full-time starter on a team that wasn't nearly as successful. Never made it very far in the State Cup, never won a tourney, struggled in the league. He much preferred the latter.
My son has certainly seen his share of losing…over the years and over all his various teams, I would say it’s a solid .500 win/lose ratio…which I think is right where you want to be… It always more important how he played individually; to focus on the positive…playing well, playing hard, good sportsmanship, not giving up, etc…now, it’s a little harder when they lose AND he plays like crap, and while I’ll be the first to admit, I haven’t always been proud of myself on that account, you have to try and remain positive; at least not dwell on it too much….this is the do as I say, not as I do part… Obviously, winning is more fun, but just playing (and losing) is still fun…and my son has never taken losing too hard, especially while younger…as a teenager, has started to get a little “pissed” at losing (mostly at game he “knows” they should have won), but nothing I would say abnormal or inappropriate… The only time I ever remember (and I remember it well) him being upset and even crying over losing was when he was like 8 or 9 over a local “fun” summer 3v3 tournament...a thrown together team, mostly with kids my son had never played with before and an inexperienced parent “coach”….at the time we were just starting to take soccer a little more seriously; but we still didn’t know much….the day started out well with a win with everyone playing well together and having a good time….but after that promising start, they proceed to go on a 4 game losing streak….and its wasn’t so much the losing that bothered my son so much; it was how his “teammates” reacted to it…it was horrible; toxic…yelling at each, criticizing, making fun of everyone, giving up, goofing off, not listening to the coach, etc…the coach’s son was the worst offender, and by the last game the she has lost all control of the team…my son couldn’t get off the field and to the car fast enough, breaking into tears half way here…it was 3 years before I get my son to play 3v3 again; and needless to say, he never played with those kids again… I think the bottom line is it’s not the losing so much, as how everyone (coach, teammates, parents, etc.) reacts to it that matters…
We just broke our losing streak this past weekend. We were 0-22-0. We broke it on Friday night with a tie and then tied our next game. So 21 more ties and we break our past weekend The 22 games were NPL and IWSL games combined with tourneys. NPL and tourneys were tough teams. We likely should have won half our IWSL league games. We are very challenged in the keeper area - shocked that many clubs are struggling to bring in keepers these days. I heard some clubs are offering parents of keepers half price. As far as the girls... There are after game pics I see where they are down - long faces. But these are 2005 players and they know it will come. For them it's a matter of being driven by coaches and patience. A lot of how wins and loses are handled can be determined by the environment clubs and coaches create IMO. I have had discussion with 2 of my teams and basically told the parents to focus on whether their player is having fun and developing a passion for the game. I express the individuality on my end (since I have u8 teams) and that team play (wins/loses) are not what we are focusing on. Parents seem to be fine so long as you tell them up front and leave the door open for further discourse.
Keepers paying half? Wow that would have been great when my son played. We were always full fee plus had to buy additional jerseys and gloves that just kept escalating in price every year. The year the director of goal keeping in his club proposed an entirely separate GK kit (socks, shorts, jerseys) that would be in addition to the team kit there was almost a mutiny. His attempt at compromise was trying to require keepers to all purchase a specific brand of boots and gloves and that he would have veto power over any keeper jersey purchase. The fact that he was tied in to an online store came to light and he was not with the club after that year or the next. I have said for a number of years if a girl is intent on playing in college and getting a scholarship to do so her best bet is to become a keeper. Over the years I have seen average (at best) back up keepers from HS and club end up with athletic money at division I schools on the girls side of things. I have always wondered why there are not more keepers on the girls side of things and have always chalked it up to "girls don't want to stand and get shelled all the time" which is admittedly sexist but I can not think of any other reason there are so many fewer girls playing the position.
Eclipse' 2005 team were in the same boat as us last season. But since they have both ECNL and DA they attracted more players - including keepers. I expect 2-3 keepers to try out next year - would not be surprised if one of yours showed up as well.
The only issue is by u10 you are pigeon holed and by u12 most training sessions have them in the goal. The issue being is that there are quite a few who cannot play on the field worth a damn.
Local high school team was one of the top teams in the state last season -- I get regional and state results confused, so I don't know which was which, but they did very well. Field players? Mostly from a very successful youth team that also made long runs in U.S. Youth AND U.S. Club events. Goalkeeper? Recruited from the volleyball team.
RE: Goalkeepers For my daughters' teams in the past, it has been the one position I was always most fearful of. While I am not saying size matters, it doesn't hurt, and my kids don't have much of it. One will volunteer on her rec team, but I am pretty sure it's to get out of running! We also have one girl on that same team, who is great at everything except goalie. We have never figured out if she is deficient at the position as much as maybe her play in another position makes life easier for whomever is in goal. I will say that I have seen a couple more dedicated goalies, and they can really make a difference out there. I would hate to be shoehorned in to it at such a young age though.
Thanks! I think they have a really positive environment, which is a plus. The coach is sort of on her own and I wish she had a reliable assistant to help out. (That person is not me! LOL ) Before the season the coach said this would be a time of focusing on the fundamentals and getting to know one another. This tournament this weekend will hopefully start some of that team building -- win or lose.
Thanks for the suggestions. I do want the focus to be on her having fun as she is learning. I am probably a little bit too much of a post-game armchair "quarterback." She works hard, but I think she lacks a little confidence, especially on this new team with unfamiliar faces. It's also a step up from 7v7 to 9v9 with a bigger field. Lots of new things to experience along the way.
Good points. I definitely haven't experienced that toxic environment you described. We did have one super awkward situation in a U8 game of all places. It involved rough play with the girls -- I would argue started with our coach's daughter -- then got escalated with our coach and an opposing fan.....the girls seemed relatively unfazed, but don't want to experience that again. I am also big on the sportsmanship and especially the work / hustle aspect of the game. Most of my complaints are probably what I feel is a lack of hustle. I have nothing to brag about for my athletic pursuits, so I'm not expecting my kids to be the best on the field....but, if I see them working really hard, I'm usually more satisfied.
I bet this is true! I think this hold true for fans of other sports as well. They bounce back a lot quicker for sure.
Thanks for this as well! Congratulations on breaking your streak! I like your approach with the parents. Our current coach had some good stuff to share -- "The fall season will be a time for the girls to get to know each other. Right now you will see they are all still figuring each other out. As we start playing, this will get easier. Once we start trusting each other, the game will flow better. Please maintain positive comments when talking with your daughter, as a new team is a tough transition." Focus on the fundamentals and she addressed how she will do some position changes. That some girls may be used to playing as a forward, but may have the skills needed for a midfield, etc. For our older kids in other sports, there is usually some sort of "cooling" off request -- 48 hours after the game -- before you would consider contacting the coach. I think you approach in laying it out there for the parents is a good one. We all like some transparency.
So...we have our first tournament game. We lost 0-4. The other team was clearly better and has worked together longer. There were some sequences where you could see that in action, where it seemed like they seamlessly advanced the ball from their box to ours through short to intermediate passes. We went down 0-2 early, but played a pretty good rest of the half. The same thing occurred in the second half where we conceded two more goals, but had our moments. I think we had a couple legitimate chances. I think we look like one might expect -- still figuring everything out and a team that has good individual talent, but lacking that team dynamic. We have two more games on Saturday. so hopefully we keep playing hard! I know afterwards my daughter said she had fun, so that's what was most important. She played half the game or so. Would have liked to see her be a little more aggressive and score those hustle points (in my eyes), but I think she will get there.
You mean like this and yes those are cleat/spike marks on my daughter's knee. Shoved down and then stomped on. Dirty play by a certain NW suburban club. It was at the end of he game too.
Ouch! A child or two of mine has accidentally stepped on my foot with cleats and it smarted for a week! The rough play I mentioned was not of the cleated variety. It was more of the body checking variety. I know there are acceptable shoulder tackles (not sure I could always tell what is ok or not ok), but some of the ones in that game (no refs) seemed excessive. At any rate when the other team did more of it, our coach noticed and it escalated. It felt like our team / his daughter was at fault initially. I have seen at least another of his daughters have that and I am guessing to him they were totally legal, but it seemed a bit much for me.
Is there anything that can be done about that foul? Did the refs catch it? It's one thing when people collide or something, but stomping is a whole different level.
Typical play the higher you go. We have lots of bruises and so on from 2 of our games last weekend. One was a team that plays like Bill Lambeir - but they also have a good deal of talent.
It is all about making the Trainining sessions fun for the kids. It is important to emphasize development. Developing soccer players is what is going to win us world cups in the future. Www.instagram.com/jjsoccerdrills