[Crew/R] '17 Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the 5th Round Bomb

Crap! Missed posting about the first two matches [though I had time to watch them -- Ed.].



Uh... Wondo wonder goals, hope via own goal, LAughing at the Galaxy, rapid red cards, high-flying head kicks, Blessing by brace, favorites fumbling, and that's just the first two games.

What's left?

We've got the Who Is Really D2? Derby tonight. The winning squad will be the first non-MLS team to reach the semifinals since 2011. Will Definitely Not Miami Beckham United FC prove that the NASL is relevant or can It's Called Futbol You Uncultured American Pigs Club of Cincinnati continue to make their case for promotion? Watch and be amazed by the utter lack of technical skill that only D2 soccer in America can provide!

And finally, we have a couple of stupid East Coast Elites playing to see which team can give up on the MLS regular season first because they already advanced in the Cup!

Get in on it, you internet idiots! It's the mother********ing Cup and you will love it!

ALL HAIL THE CUP!!!!!!!!

 

OH YEAH, BABY! We've got so much ********ing Cup action it's almost obscene! Well, okay. Not really.

We're a few weeks away from the loving embrace of the CUP! Fear not. It shall return soon.

Oh, and the winner of the the Cincy and Miami match will host New York Red Bulls on Wednesday, August 9. No big deal or anything.

UP THE CUP!

 

Hey Fake Soccer Boyz, guess what? THE CUP IS BACK, BITCHES!

Tonight, and tonight only unless there is another weather delay or something and the match has to be rescheduled but it would probably have to be played tomorrow because the next round of THE CUP is due to be played on August 9 and I can't see the head honchos pushing back that match to fit this match in if they can help it because of schedule congestion and finding open match dates for the remaining teams even though there are only 5 left in the competition, YOUR Ohio State Fútbolers de Cincinnati are taking on those humidity- and orange-loving, second division-dwelling bastards from Miami!!

We're talking about THE COLLEGE CAMPUS CUP CLASH (because they both play in college football stadiums and, you know, that's kinda... aw... forget it...)!!! Why do it matter? Oh, it most certainly do... 'CAUSE IT'S THE CUP!!!! ...and the winner gets to host FC SHITTY ENERGY DRINK!!!!!

Stream? YOU ********ING BET!!!!!! Enjoy the -----> oh so streamy <----- goodness!!!!!!!

All the fun kicks off tonight at 7:30, so get in on this tasty CUP ACTION, you hack frauds!!!!!!!!

THE CUP GIVETH!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!

 

Psst... hey, kiddos... want in on some of this dank CUP action?

Don't nark, but we've got a fresh shipment coming at you tomorrow night, though the real good stuff isn't coming until the 15th.




GET IN ON IT

 

I guess some people in Cincinnati are excited about the upcoming CUP match.

It's official! #CINvNY pic.twitter.com/5YwsAMlHKz

— FC Cincinnati (@fccincinnati) August 9, 2017

 

CUPGASM IN THE 'NATI! 2NITE ONLY!

The final semifinal finally takes place tonight in a sold-out Nippert Stadium! Can Real Attendance FC claim another scalp on its magical CUP run, or will the New Jersey Marketing Ploys stampede into the final? Stay tuned to find out! Or don't! I don't ********ing care about your dumb life decisions, you stupidface!

Whichever mighty club is victorious will be whisked away to fabulous Kansas City, where they will surely win or lose or draw and go on to added time and penalties.

Important Links & Stuff:

• WATCH
• READ and READ MORE
• DRINK

THIS IS THE CUP! Come on and get you some!