By Dan Loney on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:30 AM
  1. Dan Loney

    Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter

    Mar 10, 2000
    Cincilluminati
    Club:
    Los Angeles Sol
    Country:
    Philippines

    CONCACAF/Gold Cup: Blaze Ya Dead Homie

    By Dan Loney on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:30 AM
    I guess I should say something about the US National Team.

    The United States of America is a large country located in the middle of the North American continent in the Western Hemisphere. Like many other countries, states and nations, they have organized a team of association football players to represent it in international competition.

    The comparatively recent innovation of working class leisure time has allowed the talent pool for these teams to increase by orders of magnitude. Working class leisure time has also provided the opportunity to present these competitions as spectator events. Although these competitions are extremely physical and demanding, and are played for lucrative rewards, limits are observed. The games are not, for example, played until the death or incapacity of the opponents. Weapons are banned. Even direct physical violence towards other players is contraindicated by the regulations.

    They almost always wear shoes. They almost never wear hats. Animals, even players' pets, are forbidden from the field of play. The families of the defeated players are under no legal obligation to avenge their honor. The players, for the most part, identify as cisgender. They subscribe to the economic theory known as capitalism - again, to the extent that they have expressed a preference.

    Like many other national association football teams, the US Men's National Team is composed of carbon-based bipedal mammals closely related to chimpanzees and gorillas. Because of their unusually large and sophisticated brains, they have hand-eye coordination capable of building and wielding extremely sophisticated tools. They also have developed incredibly sophisticated language and communication skills, letting them express complicated and abstract concepts.

    Despite the tournament's name, the games are not actually played in a giant gold cup.

    Seriously, guys. It's two games into group play. The US has used exactly as much talent and effort it took to put them in first place in the group, and not one scintilla extra. We're looking at players to see if they are good enough to play for the national team more often. Just the law of averages suggests that for some of these dudes the answer's going to be "Nope."

    We're also in a weak group, with the prospect of much tougher games ahead. You tell them to blow out their knees running up the score against semi-pros, because I'm not going to.

    I am sorry if you paid for that performance. A laugher would have been nice, but Martinique didn't cooperate. C'est la guerre. And Martinique really wants to be a for-real soccer nation. This is them trying their damnedest. Fine, so Martinique would probably lose a shooting war against the United Auto Workers. They beat Nicaragua, nearly gave our scrubs a scrubbing, and if Panama isn't careful they'll get to the next round. They've got leadership under former US player David Regis...just imagine what they'd be capable of under Eddie Pope.

    We'll probably look just as uninspiring against Nicaragua. In fact, I hope we do. It's survive and advance, and the group stage isn't exactly our Super Bowl. Keep something in the tank, guys.

    So, Chuck Blazer is dead. For a long time I subscribed to the lovable rogue theory. Of course he was a crook. He literally had a parrot, like a pirate. He was an executive in international soccer. If he wasn't stealing the money, someone else was going to. And that someone else would not have helped bring the World Cup to the United States.

    He certainly seemed better company than, to pick a few examples at random, Sepp Blatter or Joao Havelange. Associating with him has tainted the reputations of people who don't seem nearly as corrupt - to pick a few examples at random, Don Garber and Sunil Gulati. But he seemed like a very hard man to actually hate.

    There were clues, I suppose. The depressing anecdote at the end of Ken Bensinger's Buzzfeed profile of him, where he insisted on his ten percent of the gate for a charity match.

    But I had not realized that Chuck Blazer committed domestic violence. Vice published an excerpt of "American Huckster" by Mary Papenfuss and Teri Thompson last year.

    "Furious, Blazer grabbed her [Mary Lynn Blanks] by her hair and arm, dragged her into the bedroom, threw her on the bed and punched her, hard, in the face, shattering her glasses and cutting her cheek. He stopped only when she was able to wriggle free of his grip."

    Blazer never denied the book's allegations. Blazer's obituary today in the New York Daily News does not mention the incident, which took place in 1978. But the Daily News did get a comment from Mary Lynn Blanks about his death:

    “I’m glad he’s at peace, and that he doesn’t have to go through with the trial. I grieve for him because I think he did a lot of good things for soccer worldwide,” said Blanks. “This is the man who brought soccer to America and who helped create the women’s World Cup. The fact is, he did a lot of wonderful things for American soccer. The bad side is he turned to the dark side and that’s a shame. I thought he was a better man than that."

    Blazer wasn't a lovable rogue. He was just a typical villain. Unfortunately, I'm sure we'll see his likes again.
     

Comments

Discussion in 'Articles' started by Dan Loney, Jul 13, 2017.

    1. Paul Calixte

      Paul Calixte Member+

      Orlando City SC
      Apr 30, 2009
      Miami, FL
      Club:
      Orlando City SC
      Country:
      United States

      CONCACAF/Gold Cup: Blaze Ya Dead Homie

      By Dan Loney on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:30 AM
      "I am sorry if you paid for that performance." Just reimburse me the gas that I burned coming up from Miami for that and apology accepted. ;)
       
    2. ken0sha

      ken0sha Member

      Dec 29, 2006
      West Vancouver, BC, Canada
      Club:
      Vancouver Whitecaps
      Country:
      United States
      #3 ken0sha, Jul 13, 2017
      Last edited: Jul 13, 2017

      CONCACAF/Gold Cup: Blaze Ya Dead Homie

      By Dan Loney on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:30 AM
      To say he brought "soccer to America" as Ms Blanks does is delusional and insulting. An honest competent leader may have been far more effective in "bringing soccer to America". I assume she must be talking about WC '94 which depended on a number of people. Therefore, do not under estimate a guy named Kissinger. Or what about that Rothenburg guy who breathed life back into the Olympics in spite of geopolitically driven boycotts which threatened to cripple the games? Rothenburg was crucial to WC '94. You cannot say Blazer did anything more than play a role and his motivation to do so would later be exposed.

      Think of potentially how much further ahead we could be had the money been used on, say, player development instead of an apartment for cats or to line Jack Warner's pockets.

      Never admire corruption. We have proof the world over how rampant corruption is never for the greater good. In my opinion this guy was nothing more than a racketeer. He saw an inefficiently corrupt organization in a cottage industry he could rape and pillage. His true legacy was the implementation of more systematic and efficient corruption. The consummate racketeer.
       
      slaminsams and Q*bert Jones III repped this.
    3. Q*bert Jones III

      Q*bert Jones III The People's Poet

      Feb 12, 2005
      Woodstock, NY
      Club:
      DC United

      CONCACAF/Gold Cup: Blaze Ya Dead Homie

      By Dan Loney on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:30 AM
      On the other hand, he did have a parrot. Like a pirate. Must have been hilarious watching him roll around Trump Tower on his mobility scooter with a parrot above one shoulder and a colostomy bag above the other.
       
    4. Beau Dure

      Beau Dure Member+

      May 31, 2000
      Vienna, VA

      CONCACAF/Gold Cup: Blaze Ya Dead Homie

      By Dan Loney on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:30 AM
      The notion of Chuck Blazer as Anakin Skywalker fascinates me.
       
    5. um_chili

      um_chili Member+

      Jun 3, 2002
      Losanjealous
      Club:
      DC United
      Country:
      United States

      CONCACAF/Gold Cup: Blaze Ya Dead Homie

      By Dan Loney on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:30 AM
      Tough but fair piece. My major comment is grammatical; the title should read, "Blaze: ya dead, homie!"
       
    6. Roger Allaway

      Roger Allaway Member+

      Apr 22, 2009
      Warminster, Pa.
      Club:
      Philadelphia Union
      Country:
      United States

      CONCACAF/Gold Cup: Blaze Ya Dead Homie

      By Dan Loney on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:30 AM
      My signature sums up my thoughts about Mary Lynn Blank's ridiculous idea that Blazer is the man who brought soccer to America.
       
      Mel Brennan and Beau Dure repped this.
    7. Mel Brennan

      Mel Brennan PLANITARCHIS' BANE

      Apr 8, 2002
      Baltimore MD
      Club:
      Paris Saint Germain FC
      Country:
      United States

      CONCACAF/Gold Cup: Blaze Ya Dead Homie

      By Dan Loney on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:30 AM
      Tell the mass media. Terms like "informant" and "whistleblower" only diminish us, only damn the possibility of actually smacking the Damoclean blade away once and for all.
       
    8. kenntomasch

      kenntomasch Member+

      Sep 2, 1999
      Out West
      Club:
      FC Tampa Bay Rowdies
      Country:
      United States

      CONCACAF/Gold Cup: Blaze Ya Dead Homie

      By Dan Loney on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:30 AM
      I had not read that "Mr. Ten Percent" piece before. Wow.
       
      Paul Calixte repped this.

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