Columbus Crew vs smoke some tree yolo 420 blaze it | Match 8 - Apr. 20, 2019 7:30 PM ET

Discussion in 'Columbus Crew SC' started by chr1st, Apr 17, 2019.

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What will be the result of the Crew's 4/20/19 match vs Portland?

Poll closed Apr 20, 2019.
  1. Win by two or more goals

    41.8%
  2. Win by one goal

    36.4%
  3. Canadian Win (née Tie)

    9.1%
  4. Lose by one goal

    1.8%
  5. Caleb Porter Disasterclass (née Lose by two or more goals)

    3.6%
  6. SoccerWarz: The Rise of Santos - Pedro suffers ≥3 fouls, scores & assists ≥1 goal (worth 2 points!!)

    3.6%
  7. "Score. Or score not. There is no try... Who am I kidding? We ain't scoring." - Gyasi Zardes

    3.6%
  1. chr1st

    chr1st Member+

    Jan 19, 2011
    Dayton
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    #1 chr1st, Apr 17, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2019
    Columbus Crew vs Portland Timbers

    MLS Regular Season Match – Saturday, April 20, 7:30 PM – Lake MAPFRE

    Broadcast: FOX Sports Ohio, FOX Sports GO, 97.1 FM The Fan, ColumbusCrewSC.com, MLS LIVE on ESPN+

    Links: MLS Match Center

    Vitals:
    Columbus Crew
    13 PTS / 7 G / 1.86 PPG | 4W-2L-1D | 7 GF / 5 GA / 2 GD | L5: WLWWL

    Portland Timbers
    1 PTS / 6 G / 0.17 PPG | 0W-5L-1D | 6 GF / 17 GA / -11 GD | L5: LLLLL

    Goal Leaders:
    Columbus Crew
    Gyasi Zardes - 3
    Gastón Sauro - 2
    Pedro Santos - 1
    Josh Williams - 1

    Portland Timbers
    Jeremy Ebobisse - 2
    Sebastián Blanco - 1
    Cristhian Paredes - 1
    Diego Valeri - 1

    Previous Meeting:
    September 19, 2018 @ Providence Park
    Columbus Crew 2, Portland Timbers 3

    Match Promotions:
    • Parley for the Oceans(!!)
    • Scotts® Post-Match Penalty Kicks - open to kids 14 and under (weather dependent).

    Forecast:

    upload_2019-4-17_9-53-43.png

    Notes:
    These jokers are bad. They score less than us. They can't defend. They only have one point on the season. But, but, but, but... they're bringing the gloom of the Pacific Northwest to beautiful central Ohio to rain on our parade. Portland will draw or win again at some point this season; it better not be against us.

    Can the Crew cure their scoring blues against these Cascadia punks? Will CB9K end the Josh Williams experiment and bless the fans with Sauro? Is this the game where our wingers remember how to soccer? Probably no to all!

    Another thing to note: this game begins a run of three matches in eight days. We'll host DC on Wednesday, April 24, and head to Houston for a match on Saturday, April 27. On paper, this is the easiest match up. I'm curious to see how Porter handles squad rotation.

    Oh... I also really, really, really like to beat Portland. Why? Because I still remember 2015. Thanks for nothing, alcohol.

    Discuss.
     
    Tobias C, TrueCrew, Draghignazzo and 5 others repped this.
  2. the_rickler

    the_rickler Member+

    Feb 9, 2013
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Man... we can’t catch a break with this weather. We’re bringing another family member to the game too. Sucks her first experience will be 42 degrees with potential rain.
     
  3. Big J 0526

    Big J 0526 Member

    Columbus Crew SC
    United States
    Sep 8, 2010
    Columbus, Ohio
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    ayyy lmao
     
    chr1st repped this.
  4. west ham sandwich

    Feb 26, 2007
    C-bus
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    If ever there was a game to vote win by 2 this would be it.

    Portland is bad, really bad. Home field is a big deal in MLS and Portland is flying 2 time zones East.


    But it's also hard to win by 2 when you average 1 goal a game. So I'm going with win by 1. All the cool kids will be doing it too.
     
    TRUJDUB repped this.
  5. Bill Archer

    Bill Archer BigSoccer Supporter

    Mar 19, 2002
    Washington, NC
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    We can't score in a womens prison with a pocket full of pardons.
     
    Flyer Fan, TrueCrew and TyphonInc repped this.
  6. jack sticker

    jack sticker Member+

    Rangers
    United States
    Jun 5, 2018
    It is a national tragedy that Bill Archer does not have a Podcast. I would be able to make peace with modern tech ravaging our country with "influencers", selfies, people taking picture of what they are about to eat, and that crazy slut @YeahMorgan if it meant we could listen to the monkey tobacco god's hot take each day.
     
  7. hungariansteven

    hungariansteven Member+

    May 29, 2012
    Columbus, Ohio
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    We win.

    I successfully avoided skyline and had Swenson, which fulfilled my updated prophecy of us beating Atlanta, with a little help from the rains from the soccer gods.

    I then thought we would lose to Montreal, with the caveat of us winning our next two after that.

    I'll be out of town for both of the next two games, so I expect us to play beautiful soccer, and look the most dangerous we have all season, since I won't get to see it.

    (PS..anyone want to share ESPN+ login info so I can watch while out of town? I subscribed for a few months until they started to black out the games last year).
     
  8. Minnman

    Minnman Member+

    Feb 11, 2000
    Columbus, OH, USA
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Could this be any more Portland? Portland has this position in its Front Office:

    Team Yoga Instruction: YoYoYogi

    Which, by the way, is a company: https://www.yoyoyogi.com/

    But I couldn't help but think of:

    [​IMG]
     
    Ueberjames and chr1st repped this.
  9. Minnman

    Minnman Member+

    Feb 11, 2000
    Columbus, OH, USA
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Forecast improving for Saturday. Rain looks to be tailing off earlier in the day, with temps now skyrocketing into the low 50s. Probably about 50 at kickoff and a pretty low chance of rain during the match.
     
    WhiteHartShame and TrueCrew repped this.
  10. Ueberjames

    Ueberjames Member

    Columbus Crew
    Mar 28, 2009
    Stow, Ohio
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    That seems like a scam to steal some pickinic baskets.
     
  11. hangthadj

    hangthadj Member+

    A.S. Roma
    Mar 27, 2001
    Beacon, NY
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    A women's prison, even with your bulging pockets, provides an infinitely tougher environment than Portland visiting Columbus, for the seventh straight road game, this one in the rain, in front of 9-10k rabid fans, several looking like drowned rats.

    Crew has an offensive explosion, not seen since the halcyon days of the Carolina Challenge Cup when we beat FCC (or in inverse, when Jim Curtin held Caleb Porter over his lap and gave him a spanking).

    Crew wins 3-0.
     
    Bill Archer repped this.
  12. TyphonInc

    TyphonInc Member

    Columbus Crew
    United States
    Jul 3, 2018
    I too see a thumping on the horizon. Too bad 2 of the goals will be scored by our defenders.
     
  13. zman31

    zman31 Member+

    May 5, 1999
    Columbus, OH
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Soccer, I freakin' love it and hate it. This particular game, I hate it and love it. Portland are the demonstrably worst team in the league, sitting on a whopping .17 ppg through 6. Yet things happen in this dumb ass game, like Vancouver snatching all 3 points against "the best team ever assembled in MLS" LAFC last night. DUMB!

    Both Portland and our Crew are averaging the same 1 goal scored per game. Our defense (and goal keeping) have been the difference obviously.

    I still have no idea how we plan to score goals. I don't see us exploiting transition opportunities. I don't see a high press. I don't see a dynamic playmaker. We can certainly count on Portland to make some defensive mistakes, so maybe we can use that or our tried and true earn a bunch of corners and hope.

    I still think we win by 1. I'd love to see some sort of offensive identity emerge too so that this dumb game can be more enjoyable for the rest of the season.
     
    Tobias C, hangthadj and Draghignazzo repped this.
  14. BigStern

    BigStern Member

    Columbus Crew
    United States
    Oct 2, 2018
    Columbus by way of Lima
    Had a tie originally, figured that Sauro will be back in the lineup and the sheets will be put into the laundry so that they'll be all clean by saturday night. I think the home cooking gets the Crew a goal again finally. Maybe even a run of play goal with an assist by Pipa. So I've changed my vote and moved to the Win By 1 brigade.

    You're welcome for the Grouchy Point everyone who's picking Canadian Win as I've guaranteed that will be result now that I've changed my pick.
     
  15. TrueCrew

    TrueCrew Member+

    Dec 22, 2003
    Columbus, OH
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Win by 1. We are mediocre. But Portland sucks. Plus we are at home on front of 9k supporters. No way we can lose.
     
    west ham sandwich repped this.
  16. Minnman

    Minnman Member+

    Feb 11, 2000
    Columbus, OH, USA
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I'm shooting for the stars and projecting that we pull in 13K this weekend. No CBJ game. No NCAA basketball. Last weekend of the semester at Ohio State (final day of class is Monday, Tuesday a reading day, and finals start next week Wednesday). And Portland (despite sucking) have a certain cache.
     
  17. chr1st

    chr1st Member+

    Jan 19, 2011
    Dayton
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I'll be there (and Daughter #1, if she lets me burn her FC Cincy hoodie). Isn't that enough for you savages?
     
  18. Minnman

    Minnman Member+

    Feb 11, 2000
    Columbus, OH, USA
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Oh, I see you didn't release that little tidbit until after the realist fan polls closed.

    Just slipped your mind, did it? I voted for you, man! I feel so... used....
     
  19. chr1st

    chr1st Member+

    Jan 19, 2011
    Dayton
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I know... I've failed as a father.

    She's "borrowing" the disgusting piece of cloth from her friend who happens to be a boy. It has been in our house for a little over a month.

    I'm going to go throw up.
     
    Draghignazzo repped this.
  20. chr1st

    chr1st Member+

    Jan 19, 2011
    Dayton
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States


    Are you hype? I am so hype. Whee.
     
  21. puttputtfc

    puttputtfc Member+

    Sep 7, 1999
    That's the new sign you are dating someone.

    Your daughter is dating a FCC fan.

    Your grandchildren will shop at Food Lion.

    Skyline Chili will be at family reunions.

    Stop this nightmare before it's too late.
     
  22. chr1st

    chr1st Member+

    Jan 19, 2011
    Dayton
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    He's seen the future, and it's terrifying! AHHHHHhhhhhggggrrrrlllllllggggllll.
     
  23. puttputtfc

    puttputtfc Member+

    Sep 7, 1999
    They're still dating.
     
  24. Bill Archer

    Bill Archer BigSoccer Supporter

    Mar 19, 2002
    Washington, NC
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    You forgot the dinner for four, feasting on dry, taste-free Montgomery Inn ribs, where Dad gets stuck with the $200 check.
     
    catfish9, chr1st and puttputtfc repped this.
  25. Ch(Elsey)

    Ch(Elsey) Member+

    Columbus Crew
    United States
    May 2, 2003
    Green, Ohio
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    @chr1st, that video link reminder of 2015 was unnecessary.

    You are a horrible person.

    Good luck trying to get the crown from @Dr. Pete. I heard he is the true chosen one.
     
    chr1st repped this.

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