Best Story of the Week - 2019

Red has enough to play; Blue doesn't.

 

That's clearly a job for VAR.

 

Ha...my 5' 4" daughter was a striker on her State Champ team. Everyone called her "Jaws". She be small but she be fierce!

 

Friday night U12 boys tourney match #1.

Red is better team, blue is luckier team.

Blue player BEAUTIFULLY times a run for the 2nd goal. Parents screaming for offside, going ballistic, so I jog over and give the usual "We don't need your help, please don't talk to the officials, keep it positive for your players, or you'll be asked to leave". everyone shuts up.

At the half, AR2 says this mom complained about it, he explained that it's when the ball is kicked, he gets a chorus of nonsense about how that's not correct. I tell him next time to quote the law "Law 4" or something like that, usually works, but be ready to have a response when they look it up if you don't know the right number.

2nd half, red team throwing kitchen sink at blue and it's working for the most part, they just can't net the ball.

3:20 remaining and score is 3-2 Blue. Blue has little possession, ball goes out, I'm sure it's red ball, I glance at my AR, confirmed, parents in front of OOB up in arms about it being blue ball. "I asked you earlier to not argue with the referees, please stop. Next one is going to have to leave."

Naturally, one dope (wearing the official jacket of the blue team) IMMEDIATELY screams "but it's BLUE'S BALL!"
"Ok, sir, you gotta go."
"But that's the first thing I've said."
"I just warned you. You have to leave."
Wife "But that's literally the first thing he's said"
"Let's go, sir."
Dude sits back down, crosses his arms in a huff like a 6-year-old and says "I'm NOT going anywhere! And you can't make me!"
I think quickly, if this were a league match, I'd end it there and then, but it's a tourney and it's be super unfair to the kids (I know, I know), so I say
"That's ok, but I'm going to abandon the match, and in my report I'm going to write that it was a Troy FC spectator that refused to leave the area after abusing an official and the tournament will likely forfeit the match for your team, who is winning right now."
As he leaves.. "YOU'RE a JOKE! YOU'RE a JOKE!!!!" (ok, bro, I'm not the adult who was just tossed from a U12 soccer match, but I'm the joke...)

About a minute later Red keeper is injured, so I stop by my AR
"I'm adding about a minute due to dipstick's tantrum down there, it'd be unfair to red to lose out on time because of that blue team dope. But our 'official' time is mine, if it comes up, your watch matches mine, I'll take any heat post-match. Is that ok with you?"
He agrees, as does other AR a moment later.
Backup keeper comes on, there's 1:20 left.
My original time is up and I announce that there's a minute left to the players.
Red gets a corner kick and scores 15 seconds later.
Match ends in a draw.

Had that idiot not gotten into a pissing match with me his team would ave likely won.

Post-match, AR2 tells me that a mom from Blue is yelling at him that we can't add any time he says CR has the official time and it's correct "BUT MY CELLPHONE TIMER WENT OFF!"
"Law 19, subsection 2" he said it shut her up.
He actually did it, and quoted a non-existent law. Kid's got guts. I wouldn't quote a fake law, but it was, in the end really funny.

I explain to tourney head ref, he agrees with me, had already been complained to, and told the parent that in the future he shouldn't be arguing with officials.

Best part of the story, I'm AR for that same team this weekend and my 16-year-old son has the whistle. Should be good times.

 

Be sure to report back to us the look on their faces when they see that it's you again.

 

I really, really wish we could wear button cameras or something like that.

 

And you better take a copy of Law 19 with you just in case.

 

Well, NFHS has 18 rules, so, at least in high school, common sense is rule 19.

 

Wait. Common sense in HS? What?

 

It's not permitted. But who's going to stop you?

 

Let's see -- Law 18 is common sense, Law 19 is "shut the ---- up"?

 

For those that don't know, in the NFHS rules, Rule 18 is all the definition of soccer terms.

 

I thought it was the diagrams of all those great body/arm signals we could do so pointy ball parents didn't get more confused....

 

I just checked. Common sense is not one of them.

 

What's so confusing?

On second thought, I can see diagrams being helpful...

 

Diagrams? Pictures! Pictures with the circles and the arrows and a paragraph on the back side of each one...and it was just a case of blind American justice..... (Being referees, we'd know about the blind part right?) You can get anything you want, …...

 

Excepting Alice.

 

Is everyone here over 65? I mean really!?

 

no - but a local radio station* (actual broadcast radio) plays Alice's Restaurant every Thanksgiving - and my kids (now 19 and 27) insist on listening to it.

*you can stream it as well, but they insist on listening to the FM broadcast.

 

Only on the autobahn, in the left lane. Well, maybe a few other times. "No.....convictions!!!"

 

I hope you're doing more than 65 in the left lane of the autobahn. 100 to 130 would be more appropriate.

 

He's from Oregon. They don't know why the speedometers have such large numbers on them, because they never get used.

 

I have only learned this week that "ok boomer" is a thing. I'm gonna ask my kids for an "ok boomer" t-shirt for Christmas.

 

Absolutely, until some guy in a sports car is coming up on you from behind, with his left turn signal on. Then you get in the center lane and slow to 90. MPH. It seems so much faster, though, in metric.