Probably an odd question for one of these forms but honestly not sure where to ask. I grew up playing rec soccer for a few years before I decided I hated running. My daughter (7), however, loves the game. She is not the most aggressive on her team but loves the games, practices and practices at home. We belong to a town club team at this time. Now her team only plays fall and spring as the coaches think the girls need the winters and summers off. In that time frame we have elected to sign her up with the club locally to go to their winter clinics and or summer training sessions. When she doesn't go to those she is constantly in our house with the ball at her feet.... all on her own I might add. Now with that background some of the parents have mentioned to us that we are doing too much for a child who is not the best player or in the top 5 on her team. They think we have too much expectations for a child who will never be the best on the team. One said parent actually stated her daughter was the best because she is the fastest on the team. Ie.. kicks the ball past people chases it down to score goals. Now i never said my daughter is the best in fact i am hypercritical and think she has a lot of room to improve in the sport, but this is a child who has a favorite premier league team and asks us to record them for her to watch. I guess my question is, should extra training only be for those kids who are deemed the best on their teams? or should it be for all kids who want to learn?
I think you already know the answer to the question, but here we go: First, I am appalled that at age 7 people are already talking about the best on a team and then projecting that ranking to the future. BTW, as you may already know, for most people best usually means the one that runs the fastest, is the biggest athletic frame or has the strongest kick. This will probably continue until u14 (or more sadly), unless you have her on a team with a coach that understands development. Based on my own child's experience, I have seen a great improvement in his skill level from age 9 to his current age (12; he didn't start extra training until he was 9). I mostly attribute that development to extra training (whether organized or free play), more so than other factors (such as physical growth) since he has maintained the same size relative to his age group (usually the smallest). What you are facing is a form of peer pressure from the other parents in your town. I see it in my town as well. You are messing up the perceived soccer hierarchy in your daughter's age group. I think the kids call it being a "try hard". But I believe in messing with the establishment, especially those of smug parents. No one blinks an eye if you hire a math tutor for your daughter, but for some reason doing the same for soccer makes you delusional. As long as your daughter's physical and mental health is considered*, I think being an advocate for your daughter's soccer education is great. No one else in the community has that responsibility. *At age 7, there is a risk that training soccer 365 days a year may result in injury or burnout. I am not a medical expert, so I am just repeating what I have read, so you will have to use your judgment here.
Thank you for your input. Honestly the winter "training" was a camp one day a week for 8 weeks for an hour. It was more or less to keep her active and off the coach. As for what she does at home... none of it is specific stuff she just grabs a ball and plays with it in the house. The weather here is not forgiving enough to go outside and run around so that is why the house and the camp. In the summer she goes to a week long 3 hour camp. My daughter does other activities throughout the year and not just soccer, btw i want her to be well rounded at this age and she can choose as she gets older what she really likes. For now now she enjoys it all....I do not force training on her and at this age I don't just sign her up for activities but ask her if she is interested in it first and at times she has to choose between more than one so she is not burnout during the week from school and activities, so far soccer seems to win so to speak You are correct I kinda find it silly these parents are stating their kid is the best after all they are just learning.... problem is they see those with "natural" or early ability, (ie faster, bigger and stronger kick) and those are the only kids who will be good from a young age on. As for developement I think the club as a whole is lost on the concept considering they don't believe kids should train with both feet. I only know as much as I do because I took it upon myself to read, read , and read more as to how soccer is now played and training is since I was a child. Thank you again
Like you I have been considering how much my son (6) should focus on soccer. He has a natural curiousity/inclination toward it, like your daughter. I'd be curious to see what you have read and any insight you might have for me, but I can give you my two cents. My son plays 3 or 4 times a week, one hour max per session. Mostly its just training, very little in terms of games, but when he plays games (tournament for ex) they tend to be 7 on 7 with goalies. I do it mostly because he loves it, and he doesn't want to do other sports (we tried hockey, and tball/baseball). From speaking to his teachers I know that he plays soccer every single recess, without exception. And at home he is frequently kicking a ball around. It never interferes with his homework, and I still try to expose him to other activities (skiing, swimming, for ex), and he still has some time to just be a kid (skylanders, xbox, whatever). I am very mindful of his fatigue and worry about injuries. For our family there is a cultural/traditional component to it, as he is part Mexican and most of the time he plays with teams based in Latino or immigrant communities. Some may say that he plays allot, but he has many teammates that are his age or younger (5) and play more than him. Sometimes I take a conscious break to rest him, and he ends up just watching cartoons. This spring, he will be playing on a travel team, 3 days per week and one game. I'm going to cutoff any other formal training, and see how it goes. I've noticed in our local team, the bigger/faster kids are considered the best, but in the latino communities the most technical players (even if their advantages are negated by athleticism of the other players) are considered the most promising (we don't really talk about the "best") and play the most.
Thanks.... well here travel teams practice twice a week for an hour and half and one game a week..... My daughter doesn't do additional training when her team is in session just in the "off" time. In the fall she dances and does girls scouts as well and in the spring she plays softball. She enjoys them all. The dance is only out of community center teaches the girls basic movements and is only 40 mins a week for 5 months but she loves it. My daugher is not the next mia ham, prima ballarenia, or dot hamilton in the making.... she loves to try new things and gets good grades. She plays with her friends, likes art and plays on my garage sale piano. She loves disney junior but won't admit that to her friends and watches disney xd cartoons..... I'd like to say she is well rounded and she is finding her way but soccer seems to be one of her favorite things. As for where i have read. Some on here and hearing from my brother in law who is a C Licence coach. I did not always understand the acronyms and what things like small sided games where so i just Googled and looked at USYS or USSF and my states, my brother-in-laws state, and surrounding states had on their information pages. I just kept digging and digging on the internet. I honestly didn't know the different levels of travel and that there was anything above a town travel club or any of that structure a year ago. I honestly thought it was a phase because her cousins played she wanted to play but she really is into it so i started reading. I am a nerd like that and try to learn as much as possible.
Sounds like a lousy coach and a few bad parents. If you kid loves it then I would find a good program to nurture her development - regardless where she is at. You will find that with the right program and coach, those kids who really love the sport will surpass the "best" players within a season or so. At our club these are the players who eventually make up the core of ECNL and DA teams. Also - a good coach will know how much time is needed. It's a healthy balance at this age of time with friends, birthdays, family vacations and soccer. Start taking away the fun stuff for soccer and they will just quit soccer. A good coach will embrace all that it takes - on an individual level, to build a passion, confidence and game play.
Short answer--extra training should be for any kid who enjoys soccer and wants to play more of it. Also, I'm a little biased because I think the whole American notion of shopping around for an activity that your child is "the best" or even just "elite" at is ridiculous. Better to be humble, acknowledge that almost nobody is "elite" at anything, and focus on trying to master/make steady improvement in whatever activity the child seems to enjoy and has some sort of inclination for. So, screw those other parents. Your 'expectations' for your child should have nothing to do with how she measures up to other kids in reality or in their perception. Your 'expectation' should be for her to be active and to be engaged in an activity that she enjoys. My only other advice--don't think of it/present it all as "training." Just keep her active, and keep a ball at her feet. She's doing all this right now because it's fun. Remember that--she's still a kid. She'll be a lot more likely to stick to it later if she is having a good time with no pressure now (sounds like you get that).
It sounds like you're already getting some very sound advice from intelligent people here. I'll just add a couple of things because my youngest went through the same process. IMO, you have a good 2 years before you need to worry about "training". If your daughter loves the sport, just offer as much encouragement as you can. My now 11 year old has two older sibs that she grew up watching play so she was curious from an early age. If she likes watching soccer, that is a great first step. I would encourage you to talk during the games about what she sees, what she's paying attention to, etc. If you have a chance to take her to a live game (at any level), have her key in on one player to watch instead of just the ball. For skill development, we always had some balls around the house that she could just mess around with on her own. We would make a little game of certain skills (10 touches without hitting the ground, 20, etc.) or I would "bet" her she couldn't do something, which is how she mastered a rainbow at age 10. Sure it cost us a couple of lamps, but it's worth it! The idea of "best" player at any age group is ridiculous in this sport anyways. Lionel Messi may be considered the "best" by many, but I wouldn't put him at center back or keeper. Unfortunately (and I've seen this as a coach far too often), most parents consider the "best" youth players to be the ones that score goals and that will tend to be the faster kids at the younger ages.
wow you guys are fantastic. Yes I guess you could say we already know the answer in this house but as new to the concept of soccer parents I guess I just wanted affirmation for those more knowledgeable. The reason I questioned our decision as parents is because those comments are coming from some of the more "soccer savy" parents in the club. I just didn't know if we were doing too much. As for the American child having to be the best you are correct... why not do it because they enjoy it and want to get better. Heck my child's favorite position at times is playing goalie or "goalie practice " in the house.... now she is very timid at objects flying at her face but she likes to play so we have fun with it. She likes to practice while the premier league games on and at times mimic the guys on TV.... it's cute and fun to watch..... i savor those moments. Or when she is trying to teach our toddler to chase a ball just for fun. The laughter that fills the house is well worth the mess that is made! Yes the "training" is more like camps. They play fun activities while learn skills and she loves the coaches. We live in a rural area so choices for teams even as she gets older but I will cross that bridge if she is even still into soccer. Again thank you to everyone who posted. I know I have a lot to learn and should not worry about what other people think. I just don't want to be "one of those parents" who is bonkers.
I can't believe that parents actually said that to you! How did you not punch them? They're just jealous of her dedication.
ha! no i can be a hot head but in those types of situations I can remain compose... it was harder not to laugh at some of them. I hear the whispering behind our backs about how we are crazy parents they are little girls... blah blah.... well duh... they also criticize that i have her in too many activities. She knows the rule grades before fun.... so if her homework is not done there are no activities that night... and if grades drop activities stop to help her with her school work. BUT my kid gets good grades and the teacher says she is doing well in school, so I let her try things. my long winded way of saying you were right!
Practicing with other age groups in a club is cab be a win win way to get in extra time. After seeing a somewhat OK player start getting better around around the age of 12 turn into one of our states better representatives, one can never tell who's going to be capable of elevating their skill set to what level.
One of the most prominent coaches in Region II was asked by a parent to provide private training their player. His response was "If I have to give your player private training then I would take a long hard look at their current coach and program". I agree. Free-play or 3v3/fustal which is "un-organized" will do much better - so long as they already have the right coach and program.
Anyone who will tell you that their 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER is the best player needs a massive reality check. As for your original question; what I tell all parents with this very common question is, give them as much additional training as they want, but you have to watch and listen to them to know when enough is enough. The most important thing at any level or age is that they love the game and are enjoying themselves. Most importantly find a reputable trainer, not just a money guy.
This for sure. Mine is at u9 and last year I asked twice if she would like to take a break and she freaked out - said no. I wanted to be sure she knew there was no pressure and that she was doing soccer because she wanted to. We went skiing on Presidents Day. We got home at 630PM and I said (joke) "Do you want to go to practice?" She jumped up and said "YES!". I explained that there was only 30 minutes left and since practice is 30 min away we would have never made it. I was just getting a feel of where she is at. I asked her why - she said because her friends are there... Maybe not the soccer response but it will come. We're in the right program with the right coaches.
It is something to keep in mind at any age. A couple of years ago my 16 year old daughter decided she no longer wanted to play. Now here was a girl who was playing at a DA and was in ODP, but she just did not want to do it anymore. It had become a grind for her and two years later she has no regrets. Were we as her parents upset? Damn straight we were, but we stepped back and realised it was not about us. Today my 14 year old son is at nearly the same point as she was; keeper for a DA, starting ODP keeper for his state and region. He still lives for it every waking moment, but we know it could change for him as well.
Yes again! Around the HS level I've see a lot of burn out - just a loss of passion. Many contributing factors can cause this but it as well can be just part of the direction that kid is going. HS is a mess for many kids - fun but so many changes going on all over the place!
This is funny because we have done the same thing to her. She asks to do other activities and we let her do them as long as she is doing well and not struggling in school I don't mind the extra activities and she doesn't go unless her homework and studying are done. We don't have much family around and most of the things we can walk to and we make them family outings and she has fun......anyways for the above my daughter came home today saying she was able to finish her science project at the sitter before I got her so she can go to the open gym for soccer tomo. I had told her over the weekend she wouldn't be able to go unless her project was done..... she was upset but it motivated her to get it done so i'm glad my DD isn't the only one. I've been told I'm making it up when I tell people that.
Yes I am very aware of this and very much intune with the possibility of this, but that will always be her choice she just needs to replace it with another activity whether it's dance, music, art ... to keep her busy and out of trouble. Honestly her having fun for as long as it lasts as well as the family memories we can make is what i'm in it for. I'd love for her to play a sport in high school and have the experience that comes with that but if she goes into drama, art, dance or key club, debate team... I'll be happy. Thank you everyone for your input.