That is the issue. B teams make sense in theory, but in practice too many clubs give a kid one chance/look at the A team, and after that the door is implicitly shut. Not saying that always happens nor is this the situation @mwulf67 is dealing with. But it's a reality.
If your son REALLY wants to play in college and doesn't allow current discouragements chase him out of the game, I'd say his chances are actually better than that (assuming DIII or NAIA schools are in the mix). He's at the age of the "great shake out" when lots of solid but not spectacular players get brushed aside. Many of them, I'd say most, eventually check out. If your son sticks with the game and continues to develop, don't be so sure that the door is closed. He'll have to do a lot of the door knocking himself, of course, but if he's still in the mix as a HS Junior (and has a good GPA and at least one coach who will vouch for him), he may not be in the "pipeline" but neither would he be completely out in the wilderness, so to speak.
There is a DA program to the south of us…maybe a tad over an hour and half. And we do have a few area kids that make the drive….at least to be on the club, not necessarily or always part of the DA program… Not really sure that is in the cards for us…to be honest, I don’t think he’s that good…and even if he somehow was, I don’t think he’d want to give up HS soccer to be part of the program…nor I don’t see us making the drive just be on one of the many non-DA teams this and other Big clubs in that metro-area field…it just wouldn’t be fun for him, I don’t think…which still has to be part of it to some degree….
I don’t think my son is in endanger of checking out… While thinking about college, his main focus remains HS…and to that extent, I do think he understands the importance of club soccer (and other off-season activities) to his continued development and success on his HS team…if he/we are left with no other options or opportunities next year, which I hope won’t be the case, but even if it is, and the only thing available is the B-team, I think he/we will still want to do it, if for no other reason than to prepare and improve himself for the HS season… Can’t say I’d be thrilled by the prospect, but I would still support it…
Try what? Making a DA team or simply playing for a big club in a big market a lot further away? As I said, one isn’t very realistic and the other isn’t very appealing….
Have you seen the DA team - your sons age play to know that? Isn't very appealing to who? My kids often have little interest in many things. I learned to just take them - have them try and they more often then not, enjoy whatever that activity is.
I'm sorry, I don't think "take your child 90 minutes away to join that club" is good advice. The logistics just don't work. I know families who do it, but there is no way it would work for mine, I don't care how good that club is. 1) We have multiple kids. If we're spending all of our time driving one 3 hours a day, where does that leave the other(s)? 2) While our work schedules are slightly flexible, not so much that we can be 90 minutes away at 5:30 (whatever time practice starts). As I said, it can work for some families (either with a stay at home parent, or more flexible schedules), but as generic advice, I don't think it's a good one. That's one of the reasons I don't like the DA system.
What can I say, I am lousy parent… But seriously, outside of good enough to make it or not…my son loves playing for his HS team and I can guarantee wouldn’t want to give that up…. it would be such a radical paradigm shift at this point for him, I really can’t image him being interested in the prospect at least… And I have to say, as parents, the idea of the raised commitment level…money, travel, commute distance and time, etc, that would be involved certainly doesn’t appeal to us either…his current regional team does require a training commute, but it’s never much more than an hour AND we have a car pool going with a couple of other families….the DA program would be almost 2 hours one way, what, 4x a week, and likely on our own…that would be a huge commitment and lifestyle change for our whole family… As I say, I know families who do this…not DA necessarily, but who make the trip to the “Big Club” down south…but most, imho, are do so for the wrong reasons; mostly are delusion, disgruntled parents who think their kids are better than they are…they like to say their kids play for Scott Gallagher, as if that actually means something in and of itself…for some it does; but most are just on some team, one of many such teams…. Do you routinely encourage or make your kids try things, that if they enjoyed and wanted, would cause hardships on your family as a whole?
I did not say you were a lousy parent. Do you routinely encourage or make your kids try things, that if they enjoyed and wanted, would cause hardships on your family as a whole? I've been doing it for 9 years - no problem for me or my family. In fact I just read this article below last week and it made me look at my youngest daughters journey as time very well spent. I would not trade it for any vacations etc... Seeing my kid grow in a highly competitive environment has been interesting, challenging and so much more - most of it not even related to soccer. https://www.socceramerica.com/publi...r-parent-for-20-years-what-ill-miss-most.html
Hence the “But seriously” comment immediately following said remark…. Not to split hairs or play word games, I think your confusing hardship with sacrifice…as parents in general and soccer parent specifically, we all make sacrifices for our kids all the time, willingly and gladly… However, we all have a line where a mere sacrifice becomes a material hardship…obviously, this line varies and is extremely personal…. For example, a few weeks ago, we went Memphis for a tournament…half a day off work and pulled the kids out of school early, a 6 hour drive, one way, a two night hotel stay, meals, shopping, etc….whole family went, great trip…soccer, bbq, Elvis and blues….what’s not to like? This weekend, same team is headed to Dallas…but we ain’t (by my choice)…right now, it crosses my line…ain’t no way we are getting a plane, with all the add time off work and school, not the mention the add cost, just to play a couple of games of soccer…the same couple of games we could get by driving a few hours…perhaps hardship is too strong a word in this case, but certainly a sacrifice I am unwilling to make… Like you and everyone, I am sure I could cite dozens, hell, hundreds for examples of such fun and rewarding sacrifices we make …to be honest, these sacrifices become so routine, we likely barely think about them as such…they are just what we do… We too, as a family, value the time spent in and around my son’s soccer…on so many levels…however, other things do, at times, take priority…sometimes that priority is money, sometimes time, sometimes other interests or values…I am trading my son opportunity to play in the President’s Cup this summer in order to spend a 3 weeks in Europe on our family vacation…I think my son, I and my whole family are getting the better part of that trade… Do you never say no? Or that it’s just too “much” or not worth it? Or that something might be more important or more worthwhile? Edit: Just to clarify, I clearly think all the travel back and forward that would be required to play DA would place a heavy burden and hardship on myself, my family and even my son…. although I am sure there would be many fun and rewarding experience to come out of it as well…but a cost benefit analysis has to come into play at some point…
I'm with you, Wulf. We're skipping an overseas trip with my son's u13 team this summer because we can't justify the cost. If they do another one in two or three years (a possibility), we might do that. But at the moment I have another child 18 months away from college, so our financial life is about to change quite a bit. My soccer son isn't happy about not going and I suspect the handful of kids who aren't going will be on the outside looking in with the team for at least a while, but, like Wulf, right now this doesn't make sense for us (I have reservations about the need for overseas trips for teams of non-elite 12- and 13-year-olds, but I won't get my soapbox out right now).
Yeah I would not hit Memphis and then Dallas in that time frame - no way in hell. Is that sort of travel warrented in your opinion? What level club is doing that? I don't think our boys DA even moves like that in such a narrow window.
It was my son’ regional team…and the gap between tournaments/showcases was ~a month…Memphis 2/3…Dallas 3/3 (I said this weekend, but meant next)… So, it really wasn’t the time span, it was entirely my belief we have no need to be getting on a plane to play soccer…at this point…perhaps and likely that will change in the future…I have already promised my son that if Dallas or something similar comes up again, we will go…2nd time I’ve said NO to Dallas…and I know it disappoints him… With this team, I do think regional travel is definitely warranted….and mostly that is what we are doing…Dallas is really an outlier….for this team, the schedule is St. Louis, Memphis, Dallas, Chicago (Your club’s I believe), and St. Louis again….the idea was everyone goes to at least 4 out of the 5, so Dallas was an easy pick for me… Right now, when it comes to travel for soccer my “bubble” is ~5 hours…that includes Chicago, St. Louis, Indy, KC, Memphis, Milwaukee, Cincy, and host of other locations that offer plenty of soccer opportunities at my son’s level…that bubble used to be under 3 hours a few years ago…
A month is still way to close - is some of that for show (impress the parents)? Or are there really no teams near you that are any good?
Different worlds, I guess…Since Dec until May, my son has or will play in 8 tournaments…that’s, what, 1.5 tournaments per month and we only did 1 in Dec, and nothing in Jan…of course, this is between two teams, 4 for one, 4 for the other (and we might add a 5th)…and while I agree that sounds like a lot, it’s not practically extreme or radical in our area (in the eyes of many)… this area has always been very tournament-centric… That doesn’t even include league play (which is crap locally for the most part) and post-season play (President Cup and/or US Club regionals), which he will be missing/skipping this year anyway…. I don’t think so…not the regional travel anyway, maybe Dallas, we shall see…I do think the trip to Dallas is far more about promoting the club as “the new kid on the block,” then a necessaity to find good competition…but do understand that somewhat comes with the territory…. Not without at least traveling, at a minimum, to STL or CHI….the next level out (KC, Memphis, etc), is probably as much about variety, as necessity, but variety is nice too…
Couple of thoughts...family balance is important and only you know your personal limits. What is crazy for one family is fun for the next. We were fortunate to have several clubs and a DA academy within driving distance. My suggestion to anyone weighing such things is to get some outside opinions. We all can be biased regarding our kids and their abilities and we don't always over-estimate them. My son was on a fine team and we were content before someone said he should try a better club...he did, and didn't make it, until the next year when he did. That move changed everything regarding his trajectory and college destination. Some clubs will work with you if you have long distances and let kids attend one practice per week and work out closer to home other times. Life is short and without wasting the college fund or the retirement account, I would suggest people take advantage of what opportunities they have, be it trying a new club or travel to Europe. I would never suggest people spend money they don't have, but certain things can't be justified in dollars alone. When they grow up and leave, you won't get those opportunities back. I always said, "somebody has to play for that team, why not you?" whenever the topic turned to some team being out of reach. Go to a tryout or a trial and see what they say..if they say no, at least you tried and you know it wouldn't have happened. But, don't be shocked if coaches see things we don't always see, or current coaches don't see, and feel there is opportunity. It could be making an attacking mid a defensive mid, it could be making a striker a wing or it could be a switch from wide to central but a different opportunity could mean a lot...ask Nick Foles.
Really interesting post. Is there a rule of thumb about how often you should kick the tires on a new club? I realize it's anecdotal, but some of the happiest players/parents at my son's club are the ones who came over from somewhere else around U12. To Terrier1966's point, getting a look from coaches who don't have a preconceived notion of where they rank in the pecking order or what position they should be playing seemed to give them new life. These kids are thriving with a "clean slate".
No rule of thumb, but personally my son has had a “clean slate” about every couple of years (U15 now)…I think its working out ok… Now, “clean slate” doesn’t necessarily mean a new club, although it can and has…but it can also just mean a new coach at the same club or a new team outside your existing club…High school, Super-Y, ODP, etc… Change is good, but so is stability…it’s a tradeoff/balancing act…too much change to can lead to frustration; too much stability can lead to complacency….