On Depression and Gary Speed Suicide
Posted on November 27, 2011 3:30 pm
This morning, Wales National Team coach and Premier League legend, Gary Speed was found dead, hanged in his house. Everything seems to point to a suicide. The world of football has been completely shocked by the news in these last hours. He was only 42 and, according to the BBC, he was giving interviews even yesterday, with no hint whatsoever on what he was about to do.
Few actions in human behaviour cause as much disbelief as suicide. It makes sense only for the one who points the gun to his temple (or in this case, hangs the rope). Everyone else usually feels a mixture of shame, frustration and blame. His loved ones will be in anguish for not having done something to prevent it and the casual obituary reader will always believe there was another way out.
Coincidentally, last night, former English player Stan Collymore published a text in Twitter about his long fight against depression. You can read it here, but it’s interesting to reproduce a couple of paragraphs:
“If your mind is empty, your brain ceases to function, your body is pinned to the bed, the future is a dark room with no light and this is your reality, it takes a massive leap of faith to know that this time next week, life could be running again, smiling, my world big and my brain back as it should be. So what do some do? They don’t take the leap of faith, they address a practical problem with a practical solution to them, and that is taking their own life. And sadly,too many take that route out of this hell”.
“I’m typing and my brain is full, cloudy and detached but I know I need to elaborate on what I’m going through because there are so many going through this that need to know it’s an illness, just an illness. Not bad, mad, crazy or weak, just ill”.
It’s only very recently since football started to treat depression seriously. Before, when a player wasn’t feeling right the coach would tell him to man up and the fans would criticize him for not enjoying his millions. Since the suicide of German ‘keeper Robert Enke two years ago, the conservative, monolithic world of football has started to consider it a medical condition, rather than an eccentricity by spoiled rich players.
And still, what we see is just the tip of the iceberg. Enke’s depression bouts were widely known, nobody had any clue about Speed. He had been very successful in his first stint as a manager, resurrecting an ailing Welsh side and giving their fanbase hope for Brazil 2014. He had a wife and two kids. He had just retired from a long and illustrious career that made him the player with most appearances in the Premier League.
Collymore felt urged to write that depression is “just an illness”, because awareness comes slow. And there have been too many cases recently -Enke, Sebastian Deisler, the referee Babak Rafati- not to take it seriously. More research is needed, preventive actions have to be taken and above all, suffering players should be encouraged to take a step forward and not being chastised and mocked for doing it.
Rest in peace Gary Speed.
Great blog. I believe Sebastian Deisler´s story (the German phenom) is probably the first time Depression has been talked about in football at any length. His autobiography is very illuminating and points out the tremendous pressures and internal struggles he had. Not sure if it is published in English yet, read the German version.
I have a vague memory that Ivan Campo struggled with it, too. Sometime before or early on during his move to Bolton.
It’s a known fact that blows to the head, even light ones like heading a football, can accumulate to damage brain tissue if done over many years.
That’s why depression is common for hockey players, and I suspect in the future they might find it for football players as well.
Utter crap. Depression is not caused by brain damage as you clearly prove. You seem to have brain damage without any signs of depression…
I am a pro musician. I am told constantly, that I have such a natural talent, a gift…….’I wish I could do what you do….it looks so easy’ etc….Depression? No one believes me. Its a constant dark force. When I heard the news on radio, that Gary Speed had died, I immediately thought…..car accident or suicide. As, I had watched Footbal Focus, saturday 12pm ish…..I remember thinking to myself, how healthy and fit a man he looked……no chance of a heart attack there….only an accdent or a deliberate act could be the cause of death. It saddens me to say, that his tragic death can/could bring attention to the much misunderstood common illness, that is depression. My sympathies aee with him, and all the others that suffer from depression.
I was very shocked and moved by the news of Gary Speed’s death. I must admit that I never paid much attention to him as a player (mainly as he was an Everton player, and I have always followed Liverpool), but I was aware of him and the outstanding respect he had in the football world. My first thought when I heard of his suicide was depression. Like Alan, I have been met with looks of horror and disbelief when telling friends and family of my long struggle with this terrible illness. It is easy to say now with the benefit of hindsight that Gary Speed may have been depressed – if he was, he clearly spent a large part of his life hiding the fact, and this is a seriously draining thing – I know, because it left me on the verge of breaking after maintaining a charade for so long. At this moment, my sympathies are with his family, particularly his two sons, who will not know the joy of being raised by someone who seemed to be a wonderful man, and he will not have the joy of seeing them become men. I sincerely hope that Gary did not suffer from depression, because if he did, and did so for so many years in silence, then his death may have been for him the only solace that he could have found. May you rest in peace Gary, and wherever you may be, I sincerely hope that you find the solace and happiness that may have been denied you in this life.
Thank you guys, for sharing your stories, they bring more light to a subject that desperately needs it.
Here, here well said that man Cods Wallop. I am sick and tired of egotistical, pretentious people thinking that when a tragedy such as this has happened they have the right to get on their soap-box and preach. Unless you are wishing to send condolences to his family or to pay tribute to all his achievements on and off the field then don’t say f*** all at all as your views are not wanted. How dare they. I have read one too many posts now and it is getting irksome to the point where I have to say no more of this from anyone how dare you, hold your head in shame. Condolences to his family, a genuine modern great on and off the field. Who will not only, inevitably, be sorely missed by his family. But the game will miss him too and all his experience that could have been passed onto the new breed coming through. I should also like to say that it is a testament to the legend that was ‘Gary Speed’ the amount of fond words said about him, from those who really knew him Robbie Savage and the like ie. his fellow professionals. Not one bad word said, indeed, the glowing tributes and all saying that he wasn’t just a Great model professional but a wonderful lovely guy too. So no more negative posts from small minded bigots whom appear to take glee from slighting someone whom they don’t know, or it would seem, care about. RIP Gary Speed
Let’s not all automatically assume it was a long standing depression that led to this action, although that is a credible theory. There are many possibilities which may become clearer soon. Maybe he received some shock news-an affair, a death, a divorce request, the discovery of his cheating etc and it was a moment of madness, the mind is a complicated thing. Maybe he was struggling with an addiction, alcohol, drugs, porn etc, maybe he was living a lie sexality wise. Maybe it was the pressure of the Wales job and not dealing with not being a player anymore-he retired from playing only recently. Perhaps a combination of things. All I’m saying is there are many unanswered questions and nothing is clear yet, so keep an open mind. It will be interesting to know if his wife was aware of any problems. It’s all pretty mysterious, I mean on saturday he was happy with friends, arranging holidays, doing normal tv work etc. By all accounts there were no signs anything was wrong. So he either did a great job hiding his problems, or it was something out of the blue. Poor kids though.
Let’s not all automatically assume it was a long standing depression that led to this action, although that is a credible theory. There are many possibilities which may become clearer soon. Maybe he received some shock news-an affair, a death, a divorce request, the discovery of his cheating etc and it was a moment of madness, the mind is a complicated thing. Maybe he was struggling with an addiction, alcohol, drugs, porn etc, maybe he was living a lie sexality wise. Maybe it was the pressure of the Wales job and not dealing with not being a player anymore-he retired from playing only recently. Perhaps a combination of things which boiled over. All I’m saying is there are many unanswered questions and nothing is clear yet, so keep an open mind. It will be interesting to know if his wife was aware of any problems. It’s all pretty mysterious, I mean on saturday he was happy with friends, arranging holidays, doing normal tv work etc. By all accounts there were no signs anything was wrong. So he either did a great job hiding his problems, or it was something out of the blue. Poor kids though.
Dan, you make a fair point. Regardless of the underlying cause, Speed’s passing is furthering the discussion about depression in sport.
Well written Martin.
Excellent piece Martin on an important topic. Thank you.
This is a sad end to a great human being and brings back the bad memories surrounding Robert Enke of two years back. Here again we have a great playing talent that was showing tremendous apptitude as Wales’ manager.
Nobody had a clue. Something snapped. However, like so many that have travelled the same sad road, he was able to mask himself from a tremendous number of close relationships.
The stigma of weakness still remains. The social “outcast” viewpoint is stil prevelant. When you attain great success, the perception of weakness and self-loathing can be overwhelming.
I can relate to this to some point because I lived it. Like Colleymore stated, “your body is pinned to the bed, the future is a dark room with no light and this is your reality . . .”
Nobody but Gary Speed will ever know the reality he faced on Sunday night. All we can do is keep his wife, two children and friends in our thoughts and prayers. I ask you to remember Robert Enke as well. It is because we forget that the stigma surounding depression can remain. Don’t forget.
Remember Speed’s talent, remember the good man he was, remember that he was flawed as we all are and remember to be there for your friends or family members when they face this “darkness.”
About Martin del Palacio
My name is Martín del Palacio Langer, I live in Barcelona and I'm a freelance contributor to FIFA.com, World Soccer magazine, Kicker, MedioTiempo.com, PasionSports and some other publications around the world. I love the tactical and statistical side of football but understand that passion is the most important ingredient in the game. Hope you enjoy this blog and feel free to contact me in the comments section or in www.twitter.com/martindelpENG (for English) and www.twitter.com/martindelp (for Spanish)Popular Store Items
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