Mike Seaver Would Hate This Guy

Posted on March 26, 2012 7:13 am

I want to arrange a charity race. Blas Pérez and Courtney Love. From here to the stop sign. Who ever falls down last, wins. No, no one needs to stand by the stop sign to see who finishes. Neither will.

After that Pérez can get onto a twelve step program: take twelve steps, without falling down. Then, as a reward, he can watch his favorite Michael Douglas movie, which is (you guessed it!) Basic Instinct.

You thought I was gonna say Falling Down? Or The Game? Pérez has no respect for The Game. Oo! They have Incesticide on karaoke! Let’s sing track 1!

Besides, only a f********** wouldn’t like Basic Instinct.

Wait, is the profanity blocker gonna star out film critic?

Which segues into me doing my NSFWiest favorite thing in the world: chewing out a low-rent cunt. In this case: 1) metaphorically 2) Colin Clark.

My God, he is a cunt. I’ll refrain from making the obvious callback to focus on Colin Clark. The cunt. Who is a cunt. Yeah, that cunt.

My legal advisor is shaking his head and pantomiming severing his carotid. I assume he’s suggesting I arrange the gruesome murder of—Dudley Moore? Him? Oh, he’ll sue? That cunt?

Whatever.

So Colin Clark called a ball kid a “faggot”. If that gets starred out like “film critic,” and you still haven’t seen the video, it kinda sounds like “faggorz”. The ball kid, basically, didn’t put the ball right where the Dynamo player wanted it—as if Colin Clark has never been guilty of failing to put the ball right where a Dynamo player wanted it—so Clark turned his head back and called him a “faggot”.

He was in a hurry, see, so he took the time to turn around and call the kid a “faggot”.

7 minutes into a 0-0 game.

Clark’s empty-cranial-cavity-where-a-brain-should-be fart follows Lee Nguyen’s fagggggggg tweet, which begs two questions: 1) what the hell is wrong with Lee Nguyen 2) What the hell is wrong with the G on Lee Nguyen’s keyboard.

Ngggggggguyen apologized, promptly and thrice-over, and Clark is following suit:

He also sent a tweet to Gay4Soccer, a U.S. website covering the issue of homophobia in the sport and working to assemble a list of “allies” in the cause.

“I’m very sorry for my actions tonight, and I would love for you to consider me a #soccerally moving forward,” Clark wrote.

i.e., please, gay people, please tell people I don’t hate gay people, so people, gay or otherwise, won’t hate me.

Nguyen at least offered to do whatever he could to help out with whatever he could. Clark, he wants his name added to a list, so he can point it out to people who want to add it to some other, far worse list. Like the-list-of-people-whose-names-Dan-Savage-is-going-make-mean-new-things.

He is going to apologize to the ball kid, though. #Rule34cmonyoutube

So Colin Clark’s tail is now tucked firmly enough between his legs to keep him from sticking his head up his ass for at least a little while. A week. Maybe two. Maybe.

But the reaction to this has (perhaps inevitably) drawn comparisons to Suarez-Evra, and Terry-Ferdinand, and they are significantly different.

You don’t call someone who isn’t black a “nigger” for doing something lame or stupid or clumsy. You wouldn’t say: “You nigger, Jim, you ain’t read Mark Twain” to a white kid named Jim. Who hasn’t read Mark Twain. Or whatever.

But people call gentiles “Jews” for shortchanging them, or for appearing to be “cheap” in some other fashion. You know, something like: “The boss tries to RobertKraft us every chance he gets.” But substituting “Jew” for “RobertKraft.” Is that anti-Semitic? If you substitute “gyp” for “RobertKraft” is that Antiziganistic?

Um… yeah. Yes. It damn well is.

And that’s a place where the it’s-like-the-n-word-for-black-people analogy breaks down. Criticizing people who are not a member of a set for bad behavior by using terms, derogatory or otherwise, that identify a member of that set, constantly reinforces the message that Jews are cheap, or Romani are thieves, or homosexuals are lame stupid wimps. It doesn’t matter if it’s one gentile calling another gentile a “Jew” to criticize him, it doesn’t matter if no actual Jewish people are present at the time, and it doesn’t matter if both gentiles involved deny being anti-Semites. Simply swapping bigoted banter like that keeps the hurtful stereotype in circulation. It’s the same with “faggot” or “homo”. If the ball kid Colin Clark called a “faggot” actually is gay, that’s terrible. If the ball kid Colin Clark called a “faggot” isn’t gay, then the subtext of Clark’s “poorly chosen words” is this:

Because of something you did wrong, I hold you in such low regard, that you’re as bad as someone who is homosexual.

And that’s a terrible message to send.

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