2011 CONCACAF Player of the Year Award – now suspense-free!
Posted on December 23, 2011 11:19 pm
For the men:
First place: Javier
Second place: Chicharito
Third place: Hernandez
For the people who aren’t men:
First place: Abby
Second place: Freaking
Third place: Wambach
These aren’t the best years or the best players ever – Hugo Sanchez and Dwight Yorke would look at Chicharito’s year, and kinda shrug. But the complete lack of plausible alternatives makes these races into bigger runaways than Lita Ford and Joan Jett. Argue in the comments, I dare you. You have better things to do, and you know it.
I realize by now, thanks to Bill, whose articles I shouldn’t really be pushing downwards, that the answer to “Why isn’t this a thing?” is “Because CONCACAF is French for incompetent.” Players of the Year awards are such cheap publicity, so easy to organize (or rig), and such fodder for fan blithery that I’m still amazed I’m the guy that does this. The first time I did this was 2002. No one in responsibility or power has stepped forward to make this plausible. Literally all they would have to do is make the effort to get a cheap trophy. In fact, if I put that much effort into it, and sent some kind of shiny geegaw by mule to the player or their representatives (or, CLAIMED I did), my CONCACAF award might actually be nearly legitimate.
So what, you might say. An entire confederation’s MVP is mythically handed out by a comedy blogger.
That doesn’t frighten you? That this potential cool thing has devolved down to this level? That the only qualification I have is a willingness to make the same joke for nine years?
No? All right then, I’ll frighten you.
Tab Ramos’ Wikipedia entry. That’s right. TAB FREAKING RAMOS.
All list an award I gave out. Retroactively. As, for want of a better term, a joke.
Yeah, but that’s Wikipedia, any idiot can go on and enter stuff.
Except I’ve also started to infect real, official team sites. I’m pretty sure Jack Cowan’s award was handed out by me, and not CONCACAF, what with CONCACAF being something like -10 years old in 1951.
So, do I spend however long it takes going around the Internet world apologizing? Should I at least write to Dundee FC? Or should I just hide under the bed?
I should hand this thing over to these guys. Hey, I’m on speaking terms with….some of them. A couple of them. The problem is whether they’d want to undo the damage I’ve done.
Hey, I just kept expecting someone to come along and take it away from me by force. But it’s nearly too late. CONCACAF may be a joke, but I’ve made it into an urban legend.
Anyway, congratulations to Chicharito Hernandez and Abby Wambach – your 2011 CONCACAF Players of the Year! Pass the egg nog, I need a drink.