Wedding Bell Blues, Hope Solo Edition
Posted on November 15, 2012 12:59 pm
A couple of years ago I wrote that in the middle of some not-terribly-distant late night snack binge you were going to flick on the tube for a couple minutes of mindless zone-out entertainment, find yourself watching an episode of Cops, and realize with horror that the woman standing there outside a shabby doublewide with a baby on her hip and a Marlboro light in her hand screaming at the police as they shoved her Old Man into the back of a squad car was America’s Darling, Hope Solo.
And to all of you who promptly dashed off morally outraged suggestions that I perform anatomically impossible acts of an intimate nature upon myself, I’d just like to say:
“Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do?”
We still don’t know all of the facts, and it’s entirely possible that we never will, but the basic outline, in case you missed it, is as follows:
Unbeknownst to, apparently, almost everyone, Our Miss Solo was engaged to be married to an erstwhile NFL player named Jerramy Stevens, whose checkered past includes more than ten separate arrests for stuff like assault with a deadly weapon, felony battery, a particularly sordid and brutal rape involving an unconscious girl he was accused of having drugged, several assorted DUI and/or drug possession charges and the “reckless driving” citation he once received for crashing his car into a nursing home.
But as we all know, love is blind. Also, apparently, really really stupid.
If you were hoping to send a gift – despite not being invited to the wedding, which makes you a little pathetic but who am I to judge? – they’re registered at Wal-Mart, Fat Larry’s Drive Through Beer Barn and ABC 24 Hour Bail Bonds.
Anyhoo, apparently as a prelude to the Joyous Nuptuals, which were scheduled for Tuesday, the two hosted a massive drunken brawl which culminated in the obligatory 3:45 AM visit by the Kirkland, Washington police, who found that pretty much everyone a) was drunk out of their minds and b) had blood on their clothes if not actual injuries from, as they say in the hood, getting down to business with their fellow party guests.
Mr. Stevens was found lying on the floor between a bed and a wall, a posture which the police, understandably, described as “hiding”, but Stevens claimed he was merely taking a nap.
Stevens was found to have blood on his clothes and also his face, which he told police was from Miss Solo “kissing” him, possibly with a straight right or a lamp. OK, so I’m making that last part up. Kind of.
Turns out that Solo’s brother, Marcus, had called 911 about “two or three” unidentified men who, everyone agreed, had started trouble. Mr. Solo told the Cops that said gentlemen were no longer there because he had used “a stun gun” on one of them and so they left.
Go figure.
Police reported that they had a good deal of trouble getting a statement from Mr. Solo because, as they were trying to talk to him, Hope kept screaming “Don’t tell them anything, Marcus!!! Don’t tell them anything!”
Like, for example, how Hope kicked the crap out of her fiance? No, that couldn’t be.
Upon questioning, Mr Stevens told the cops that he and Ms. Solo had gotten into an argument about whether they were going to live in Washington or Florida, something which many young couples actually work out at times other than during a 3 AM drunken brawl the day before their wedding.
In any case, since Hope had what was described as “a cut” on her elbow, and Mr. Stevens had blood on his shirt, admitted to arguing with her and has a rap sheet as long as your arm, police dragged his ass downtown to spend the rest of the night telling his fellows in the drunk tank about how he’s a “Karate Man” who bruises “on the inside”.
At a hearing Yesterday morning, attended by a suddenly reticent Miss Solo – oddly, since she’s normally so happy to talk to reporters – the judge released Stevens without charges pending a police investigation which is unlikely to turn up much of anything. Unless they can find the stun gun guy.
A few hours later, Solo and Stevens were married in a “small” ceremony “near Snohomish Washington” which was described by a lucky invitee as “beautiful”.
Speaking for everyone here at BigSoccer World Headquarters, we wish the blushing bride and her bruised-but-game new husband, all the best.
Mazel tov, you crazy kids.
Mad props for the Tradings Places jail scene reference, though right now I have “YEAH!” stuck in my head!
I guess nobody bothered to tell Jerramy that it ain’t cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving.
Fight started cuz somebody was putting out their Kool’s on the floor..!!
It was a stone groove, my man! You are the most righteous…
There’s always trouble at a party full of Solo cups
Who the heck doesn’t figure out where you’re going to live once married before the actual wedding? And you’d think someone (Solo) who’d been a UW athlete when Stevens was a UW athlete would, um, know enough about him to stay away. Clearly not.
But crazy is as crazy does. Which neatly sums up most every Hope Solo story. I wonder what the USSF health insurance policy covers in terms of mental health counseling.
Stay safe, people. Stay safe.
“Who the heck doesn’t figure out where you’re going to live once married before the actual wedding?”
People who date for two months before getting married on a Tuesday.
Hello!
Somewhere in Sweden this morning, Pia Sundhage was having her morning tea while catching up on the morning news at her computer… and laughing heartily.
Wish to hell I’d said that.
My good friend Beau Dure wrote last Spring that USSF was just holding their breath and praying that they could make it until the Olympics were over before Hope Solo blew up in their faces.
Who says US Soccer is unlucky?
Yep. Whenever you heard that players were “smiling and nodding” at something a bit batshit crazy or stupid that Solo did or said during that time (like say the b1tch1ng on twitter about Chastain) there was more going on. A LOT of ‘manage Solo so she keeps it together’ by players/staff/coaches in the build up & during the games.
Player personality management was clearly Pia’s strongest skill as USWNT coach.
I said that? Maybe. Probably in reference to the sure-to-be-controversial book. But as I’ve said a few times since then, the team did a remarkable job dealing with any distractions without doing so publicly. Testament to the leaders on that team.
The rest of the Fan Tribute Tour should be interesting, though. Wonder if TMZ is putting in for credentials now.
fyp…
Somewhere in Michigan this morning, Greg Ryan was having his morning tea while catching up on the morning news at his computer… and laughing heartily.
Umm.. wasn’t Solo in the news because she admitted she was sleeping with athletes during the Olympics and now it’s revealed she was engaged?
Not quite. She was one of several athletes quoted prior to the Olys as saying a lot of Olympic athletes had a lot of sex in the athlete’s village during the 2008 Olys four years ago. She said she partied after the gold but didn’t say she was one of those having tons of sex. Though she did admit to sneaking a minor celebrity into the parties.
I do wonder what the status of her agent (an ex-boyfriend, by the way) is. Did he at least get the couple to sign a pre-nup?
In her defense, it was also discussed “what happens in the Olympic Village, stays in the Olympic Village.
Well they have been dating for 2 months, the Olypics were over in July so there was time for Solo to do her thing in London (like that swimmer guy, let not have a double standard) and then start dating this guy after the games were over.
As much as I think she’s a jerk, the glee with which all this is related on bs is more than a little ridiculous.
I don’t see glee in this post. Resignation, yes. Exasperation, maybe. Glee, no.
As a perhaps a counterweight story (of likely far less interest) to this exciting news item in the life of Hope Solo, here’s a recent update from one of Solo’s US teammates (or perhaps former teammates) –
http://prosoccertalk.nbcsports.com/2012/11/13/u-s-womens-star-megan-rapinoe-honored/
She is fast becoming a major mess and a sore eye for the USSF…..Nice knowing you Hope….less
I was once so enamored by Hope. Beautiful face, killin’ body and raised goal keeping in the women’s game to a new level. But where as I thought I was infatuated by a Dorothy Hammel type, it turns out she’s more Tonya Harding. She’ll show up 10 years from now in one of those VH1 type “B” list celebrity reality shows.
Eh. Us guys that usually go for the Rapinoe-lookin’ girls have bad luck.
You see yourself on a nice date with em even years down the line, but two weeks into your little escapades she calls you and thanks you for discovering she actually agrees with me on the whole “I like girls” thing.
….God damn it.
You mean D list celebrities.
Hope Solo = Tonya Harding.
Meh, the rest of the stuff I really don’t care about. But she’s still one of the best shot-stoppers on the planet, and she wears Red White and Blue. So, personal life: whatevs. If personal bleeds into professional, I’ll reconsider.
She is French? Or English? Or from New Zeeland or Australia? Dutch maybe? All those are red, white and blue as far as colors are concerned…..
Well, it’s always been said that goalkeepers are a little crazy. Maybe that explains why Hope Solo has been such a great goalkeeper.
Just when I was having a hard time with the changing world around me, my guy lost the election, storms hitting at the worst time and place, Hope Solo comes back into our lives and makes us remember that some things never change. Consistency is all I ask and oh how Hope delivers. She reminds us all that no matter how much talent you have, alcohol infused dumb-assery is the great equaliser. I understand that after the wedding, the reception was a hard liquor and hand gun night. I think I will buy them the Ginsu’s they are registered for. That ought to be worth at least one more headline.
For Bill’s sake, the happy couple better be honeymooning in Trinidad.
Couldn’t get any better than that!
At least we know it will be an ‘open and transparent’ honeymoon. One that we can all get to the bottom of.
Hmmm, so America’s Favorite Attention Ho goes the same pathetic route that so many athletes and celebs find themselves on as they journey to d-list oblivion.
Lucky for them however is that “oblivion” means sympathy for such fallen angels and where they can appear on “World’s Dumbest whatever” shows to comment on people caught doing the same things they’re likely capable of doing but were unlucky enough to have not dodged the fickle finger of videographer fate.
Unlucky for all well-meaning parents of impressionable pre-teen girls, Dope Solo will be presented as some type of undeserving social hero simply because she was able to stop a ball (yet unable to stop bad judgement from affecting her destiny), and the kids will grow up aspiring to be a crash-and-burn disposable celebrity.
With the money that goes with having your life crumble in front of the world, I guess you can’t blame a hopeless (no pun intended) mind for making such a career choice.
Pardon the rant if you will. I’m fed up with her.
Oh, now I see what everyone was saying about her being very attractive. *my first time seeing her with dark hair*
Some people go a different route in life. She’ll be alright if she survives.
Modern day modern dilemma…what do you do when someone you follow on Twitter is marrying a violent rapist…
I’m amazed by the number of people, who willingly ignore that last part of your statement. That aspect of this puzzling story really creeps me out. I, sincerely hope that things end well for her.
I swear to you that, sitting in the “cheap” seats at Super Bowl XL, I yelled “It’s a sad day, Jerramy!” For background, see here: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/playoffs05/news/story?id=2315169
Going back and reading that article, I was shocked, SHOCKED to find that Jerramy Stevens had another fiancee back in 2006.
“kicked” the crap out of him? She’s a goalie, she can use her hands (aka fists)!
And if you read her family background (father was “sometimes homeless Vietnam War vet”), seems like apples and trees and all that. I wish her well, but the fringes of the NFL are almost as bad as the top of the NFL.
Didn’t they film Twin Peaks in Snohomish? Seems apropos…
Snoqualmie/North Bend. bout 45 min away.
Hope is everyone’s bestest favorite female ‘keeper.
J. Stevens? Love must be blind and Hope cannot see the writing on the (prison) wall.
I wouldn’t give this union much chance of lasting a year.
And she’s no Tanya Harding… Hope never sent a hit man out for Brianna Scurry, and she backed up her words with a gold medal.
“And she’s no Tanya Harding… Hope never sent a hit man out for Brianna Scurry, and she backed up her words with a gold medal.”
Maybe not, but she certainly threw Brianna under the bus once, I think that counts.
I am a scum of the Earth spammer, and will surely go straight to hell after I die in fire.
You know, I really, really want to like Hope Solo. What, with her being attractive, and a really good goalkeeper and all. But she just makes it so damn difficult.
She’s a heck of a player, but she’s also a spoiled, arrogant, self-involved brat with crippling immaturity, lousy attitude, and incredibly bad judgement.
Even if her now-husband was guilty of assaulting her that night (which is unclear), it’s still hard to feel sorry for her, because she’s stupid enough to attach herself to a creep like that in the first place when there are horndogs all over the planet that would throw themselves at her in a heartbeat. She hooked her wagon to THIS clown?
As a lawyer licensed in Washington who could potentially benefit from prognosticating about all this, and as resident of Washington who is proud of our outrageous tradition of excellent goalkeeping, and as Bigsoccer blogger who wants click count, I guess I am supposed to be all over this like stink on shit, but as a human being, this is all very sad. My practice is dedicated to reducing legal costs for people who cannot afford the sort of lawyers Hope Solo can. So, my interest in this case, as a Washington soccer freak and a human being, as well as a person committed to equal justice under the law for males, females, gays, straights, transgendered, NFL fans or MLS fans is that I hope that these two people can work things out and that justice for all is also served.
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