Urso Autopsy Report: Death by Natural Causes

Posted on September 21, 2012 9:54 pm

The Franklin County (Ohio) Coroner, Dr. Jan Gorniak, is preparing the final autopsy report on the death of Columbus Crew midfielder Kirk Urso. (Hat tip to BigSoccer legend “foozer”)

Adam Jardy of the Columbus Dispatch is reporting that Gorniak will rule that the cause of death was an arrhythmic right ventricular cardiomyopathy; basically, his heart quit beating in rhythm and as a result stopped pumping blood.

In other words, natural causes.

The blood work revealed that he had small quantities of Tylenol and caffeine in his system and a blood alcohol level of .14.

None of which had anything to do with his death.

The imbecile “bar employee” (aka “bouncer”) who found him in a back booth and who decided the best thing to do would be to pick him up, carry him out of the bar and across the street and lean him up against a tree – in other words, an idiot – might have been better advised to, you know, call 911 instead of diagnosing the situation on his own.

Fortunately, a policeman who was on the scene because of another incident saw the imbecile lugging the lifeless and quickly expiring Urso aroud like a sack of corn had better sense and called for the medics.

As for the utterly appalling female “bar employee” who was – even more appallingly – quoted in Sports Illustrated at the time as saying that Urso was “drunk”, “fell down” and was “unconscious”, well, at least we can say that she’s not expected to have more sense. Unfortunately we can’t say the same about SI, who had damned well better have a correction and an apology on the presses as we speak.

As for the Urso family, I know we all share in the prayer that this report may offer the beginning of whatever kind of closure is possible after so profound a loss.

(Note: I’m still on very limited access – posting today using a rock, some sticks and a bear skin – please excuse the lack of graphics and links.)

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